((Forlorn))

This sounds really painful and I am sorry that you feel like this. I realise I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your T but a good T should be able to provide you with the caring and stability needed for your inner child that you say was 'ruined' to have new experiences that will enable you to grow and essentially start over.

I love your list of 'wants' and all of these can be acheived whether in therapy or not but I believe that only you can know the answer to that. I am sorry that you have lost track of what you can gain from therapy. It sounds like you are missing a much needed component from your therapy.

Sorry I can't be of more help.

Sending you hugs

Butterfly

Hi again Forlorn (I'm following you around the forum it seems! ),

Your list is beautiful, Forlorn. Every single thing on it is worthy and noble. And...listen very carefully...it is proof that the little girl inside of you was NOT ruined. She is still very much alive, her heart is beating strong...and you have just described her with that list! But like all of us here, in one way or another we were not given a secure base from which to thrive. And so our growth was stunted or warped, halted or even reversed, in various ways.

What I think therapy has to offer us (and this is just my opinion based on my very limited experience...hardly exhaustive, so take it for what it's worth ) is a secure "enough" base (a website I like calls it "comfort") from which we can resume the growth we were meant to have in the first place. The growth we are trying to achieve now is harder than it would have been initially. Still...the right T should be able to help make you aware of the ways in which you've compensated for the lack you suffered, help you see how those are not useful to you anymore and could even be getting in your way, and give you the space and encouragement to grow the way you were meant to...not as defined by the T, but as defined by that little girl inside you.

It makes me think of trees that grow where it's really windy...they grow low to the ground in order to survive...but when the wind stops, there is no reason why they can't start growing upward...but they might need some help and guidance, because they've been huddled to the ground for so long, it's hard to learn a new way.

Forlorn I hope this helps a little...I am so sorry, it does not sound like your T is giving you the space and encouragement and comfort you need for that little girl to begin thriving. I hope you can find a T who understands what you need. It sounds like that little girl is eager to get started. And I think she's beautiful.

Peace,
SG

forlorn, your list is truly beautiful, and i want all of those things, too, and i have asked the same question, and wonder, going into most appointments, what do i need this for???

i still ask it, i hate to trigger you by agreeing, but, i wonder it daily.

i don't really have an answer, except for i know there is one thing preventing me from doing these things, and that is FEAR.

fear of sadness, fear of risk, fear of letting anyone know the real me, fear of being excluded, fear of fear.

i guess, if you don't feel fear, then, although i don't thing there is not a need, then, you are ahead of me and i can't really advise you. everyone elses advise was really good, so, i guess all i can offer now is a hug, and i just think you are asking beautiful things.

hang in there, and keep talking!! jill