A little history to start....I Started going to therapy in my late teens. It took a really really long time for me to build up the trust to start letting my T in. When I finally did...I didn't hold back. We went through all the trauma of growing up in an alcholic home. I was still living at home at the time and she taught me coping mechanisms, self saftey skills, and gave me the knowledge to understand why I was having the issues I was having and feeling the way I was feeling (characteristics of ACOA). Shortly after all of this, I started trying to "escape" the pain of everything. I found my poison and got addicted to methamphetamines for 2 years. I went to rehab, moved away and got clean and have been ever since. I saw my T on and off between then and now, very sporatically since I didn't live close anymore and I was doing farely well for some time.

I don't understand what is going on with me now and was hoping mabye someone could shed some light on it or relate to it?
Lately, I have been having these...I guess "flashbacks" of things that happened when I was living at home. All the sudden, they pop into my head (usually when I am having some downtime like driving or when I have a moment without my screaming kids lol) and they play over and over. Every detail of each "scene". I sort of almost get lost in it. Like if someone was in the car with me when it happened, and they were talking to me, I wouldn't remember what they said afterward. I understand this is from the trauma, almost like a PTSD. But why is this happening right now? It happens so often lately and it consumes my mind. Its all I can think about. And I am also remembering some bits and pieces of things that I don't remember revealing to my T before. Almost, like Im not sure if they are real or a dream or what? All of the sudden, the feelings that I used to struggle so bad with, but haven't for some time, have come rushing back and I can't escape them. You know...the worthless, self loathing, want to crawl out of my own skin or cut my own skin off, can't look in the mirror at myself kind of feelings.

I have been thinking... I wonder if b/c the drug use came so close after the flood of trauma came out with my T that it almost wiped out the work we had done? Meaning I lost or forgot the tools she taught me....I feel like I am back at square one. I feel awful. I hate it. I hate me. I also know that my memory from the time during and before my drug use is terrible b/c of the effect it had on my brain.

So I guess what I am wondering is do I need to start over again with therapy? From the beginning? B/c it was all sort of wiped out? Also, I have read about different types of therapy people are in on this forum (and I can't remebmer the names or acronyms right now) but some of them involved "reliving traumas" during therapy and something about "body reflective therapy" or something like that. My T and I always just talked. We never did a special "kind of therapy" or at least she didn't title it that way. We just talked about the past, the present (I was still living in it at the time) and solutions. I did have several breakdowns in which she would hold me while I cried, shook, threw up sometimes, ect...

Why is this happening to me? Why am I so consumed with these memories right now? I feel like I am living it again. Do I need a special type of therapy? Is it b/c we didn't "finsih" the therapy b/c I was still living in the hell and then got involved in the drugs?

Just looking form some input, thoughts. Thank you friends....