The brain is certainly interesting how it works, isn't it? And unfortunately not always to our advantage. I think the main thing is it tends to err on the side of caution. When in doubt, be afraid. It makes sense in terms of risk management.

On the other hand, these things CAN change. It's just slow. And sorry you're having to deal with it currently. It's hard.

hi ((( MMM ))).
i know totally what you mean. i hate that feeling. i used to go weekly every Friday, then every other week on Friday, then monthly a few times on Friday and now i'm not seeing T anymore. BUT, every Monday before my session i would start freaking out. i knew there was nothing to worry about, but i couldn't help it. i could sit there and KNOW there was nothing to worry about but do you think that helped? not even close. and i could tell myself the same things you tell yourself: there is nothing to be afraid of. T is not scary. etc. nothing helped. it really is very miserable and maddening. there seems to be no controlling it. i'm sorry i don't have any advice, MMM. but i hope it feels better knowing you're not alone. oh, and for what it's worth, i don't think you intentionally "treat" people like they are scary. something in your past (i believe) caused you to be hyper-vigilant/cautious/fearful towards certain people. for whatever reason, it IS justifiable. please try to understand that and be gentle with yourself.

One last thing i want to add, and maybe you have some input on it as well. the feelings that we're both talking about (at least i HOPE i'm understanding what you're talking about) ... it makes it really difficult to be yourself around these people. i like my T a lot, but because of these transerential feelings i can NOT for the life of me get comfortable enough to show him the real me. and i think that was a lot of the real frustration ... that i wanted SOOO bad to just be ME in his presence, but i never really got there, not even close. how sucky is that? i wanted to share my real self, but transference got in the way. i hate it.

keep up posted on your session. i'll be thinking of you. good luck and hugs ((( MMM )))!

((BLT))

Thanks so much for your reply. The part I keep re-reading is that it can change, it's just slow. I'm in such wonder/curiousity/gratitude that some things that used to scare the pancakes out of me are now no longer scary. I can feel that little *yank* in my belly sometimes, but I never get triggered to the same degree I did before. So you are right, things will change, and my work is to keep feeling my feelings to help things change. Thank you!

(((Closed Doors)))

Thanks so much for your message, you made me feel tons better. Yes, you understand perfectly. The only clarification is that it isn't my T, it's my wife. She has lots of really intense relationships with other people, and if the situation is big enough, I get totally triggered into trauma stuff. So I'm feeling all of those feelings, even though I know that I'm safe, she's telling me it's safe, but it really really doesn't feel like it's safe.

Your reminder to be kind with myself is so very kind. I'm going to try to remember that I'm scared for a reason, it's okay to be scared, it's just that the scared isn't really coming from right now. And it does feels so much better to know I'm not alone.

I'm so sorry you never got the chance to be the real you. Are you still in therapy now? I'm hoping that you get to be the real you in more and more places, and the world takes better care of you now that in did before.

Hey 3M! Haven't "seen" you in ages!

Just wanted to say I think CD is right. Something or things did happen in your life to make you have these reactions and so you need to acknowledge that they are normal reactions to an abnormal upbringing/experience etc.

You see it is like this, the War vetran who gets triggered from an exhaust backfiring does not get triggered from the shadow of a fish in the sea as would a shark attack survivor for example. Our triggers are related to our own "scarey" or bad experiences. A simple word/s (even though in normal circumstances are innocent) to a CSA survivor can send them over the edge. Trust me I have my own triggers.

Also BLT is right in saying it's a slow processs but changes are possible. My suggestion....if you notice any improvement in how you handle those triggers reward yourself. Say positive things to yourself about how happy you are to have noticed that improvement. Don't beat yourself up over your triggers, the truth is they were once there to help you, it is just that now your situation has changed.

's to you 3M!

B2W

Hey there (((B2W))) -

Oh, you and CD are both right. My mother was my neglecter and my abuser, and I have all sorts of disorganized attachment issues. And some of that stuff, along with transference, has gotten projected onto my dear wife, and so even though she is a different person in a different time, my brain is the same brain. It remembers everything, and is constantly vigilant for the warning signs.

And last night, I talked and talked (and held and held) about the idea that this was a system that used to be there to help me, but my situation has changed. Somehow, that helps me so much.

Thank you!

awww ((( MMM ))) your nice wishes mean a laot to me. no, i'm currently not in therapy thanks to the ever-declining health care benefits. such is life. it sounds like you understand what's going on, which will benefit you greatly, i hope. yeah, i think it's vitally important to not beat oneself up for reacting to situations that trigger past experiences. easy enough to say, i know. good luck to you MMM, and i hope you come around more often. but if you don't, that's okay too.