Hi curious,

I know exactly what you mean. I am certainly no expert on why these feelings happen but I am definitely an expert at beating myself up for feeling them

There are some really helpful threads on here about transference, try doing a search through the archives, I found a lot of helpful information in them.

Hi Curious... welcome. I'm glad you decided to post. I really understand your feelings and have had the same ones myself. When my T left for 2 weeks during the summer for his vacation I was devastated. I had a session day before he left and no sooner got back to my car than I burst into hysterical tears. I was terrified that either he would not come back, or come back and be someone "different", or would totally forget me, and was happy to get away from me for awhile (after all I'm his worst patient)! I felt abandoned and spent the next weeks being upset and scared.

I think this all triggers abandonment in us and the fear of being left alone. I can relate this all easily back to my past. I had tangible objects that he had given me over the past months and held onto them for comfort. He also called me once while he was gone and I was given the okay to email him if I needed to. But even all of this did not totally alleviate the fear and pain of him being away from me. Some of it also came from the fact that he was with his family... the part of his life that I cannot be included in and I felt bereft.

You say you should deal with this in a logical way. There is nothing logical about our attachments to our Ts. These are feelings that come from our emotional brain, our limbic system. It is hard to let our new attachment figure go. And the fact that you have been working through some tough childhood issues has probably stirred up a lot of unresolved feelings.

I don't have any solution for you but I can tell you that all of us feel this way when our Ts leave us for vacation or conferences. I can also reassure you that it's really a very common reaction and normal under the circumstances. I journaled every day my T was gone and I tried to schedule things to distract me from missing him so much.

The only thing I can tell you for sure... is that the time WILL pass and before you know it you will be back in her office. In the meantime, keep posting.

TN

Hi curious,

I'm sorry you are beating yourself up so much about this. You sound like a very successful person who has built a good life for yourself, and it must be very frustrating not to have control over these transference feelings.

I know you already know this but I'll say it anyway: Transference isn't logical compared to the present day, it is from the past, so there is really no way to deal with it in a more logical way, and there is no need to beat yourself up at all. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, it means you're doing something right. It means you are attached to your T, and that has to happen for therapy to happen. Your T sounds very supportive of you and what you are going through. She may have seen through your "I'll be fine" response already, and maybe that's why she said you could call her. Why not take her up on it? It is okay to let her help you.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Peace,
SG

Thank you for your reassuring words. It helps a lot. Just to hear that other people have felt these things calms me. I have to stop trying to analyze these feelings. That's how I operate though. Can't ever allow myself to "feel" anything so I try to work things out logically. It makes me hit a therapy roadblock everytime. I'm on day 3 of my T being gone and have 7 more days before the return. I need to find something to occupy my mind or I might crack up! Calling brings on a whole new set of anxiety because my mind says something like this: "I can't call her at this important conference. She will be annoyed that I am bothering her. What will I say? I miss you and need to hear your voice. How stupid is that? I'll feel like an idiot." I'm seeping with fear and anxiety just imagining this phone call now. I know she would never be thinking those things about me because she has told me MANY times but it doesn't help when I go try to pick up that phone. We have even spent many sessions discussing why I can't call her and why I have to suffer about it. She made me make a pact with her that no matter how "stupid" I felt, I would call her. I accepted the pact, but here I am not calling her. What is wrong with me?????? Sorry for carrying on like this but I don't know where else to ramble on......
I still can't figure out why my 1st post has a poll/vote result question on it. I must pressed the wrong button somehow. Thank you so much for listening to me.

Hi curious,

That is so cool that your T made a "pact" with you. And for what it's worth, I do not think it is stupid to say "I miss you and need to hear your voice." AG has posted about calling her T numerous times for reassurance much like this.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Whether you call or not, the most important thing to do is talk to your T about it when she gets back. Be gentle with yourself, okay?

SG