My T will also note my body position along with commenting on whatever I may be wearing. Not every session but a lot of the time. Sometimes I'll start out the session sitting in an open position but he will say something or feelings will come up that cause me to cross arms or slump into the chair or to cover myself more with my blanket. I think he is trying to get me to connect the words/feelings with the impact on my body. I'm not sure. I know the clothing comments he makes are part of him letting me know that he CAN see me. I have very mixed feelings about that. I tell him I don't want him to see me yet I will wear bright colorful clothing and he says that means I DO want him to see me. Maybe I just want him to see the outside and not the inside

Maybe your T is letting you know that she realizes how the session is impacting you and wants you to also realize how you are reacting to what is being said at the time. I'm not sure. I honestly don't know how you do what you do and I totally understand your discomfort and unhappiness with what has basically been forced on you. A joint parenting session I had with oldT basically triggered the end of our therapeutic relationship. I was so angry after that session. We were supposed to be talking about parenting issues and instead it ended up with my dh and oldT discussing ME while I was sitting there. I was livid.

Can you email your T or call her to ask her why she is doing this to you? I think that is the only way to really find out and to directly let her know that you object to this.

I'm sorry Jillann that you find yourself in this situation and it's so uncomfortable for you.

Hugs
TN

(((Jill))) T2, who does a lot of body focused work, tracks this and will tell me also. They aren't reactions you can help or are bad but when you notice them it sort of gets you back I'm the moment. What it did over time was help me focus. I used to brace a lot (hold my body back and tight like what someone would do about to get hit). T would mention this, ask what was coming up and we would move through it. Now there are times I'm cognisent of my body and of I notice bracing or clenching I can relax and speak instead or remind myself I am safe (and look around to confirm it) if I'm put in public.

So... That was my individual stuff. I can only imagine how difficult and awkward it's been to transition to just couples work. Will your T give you room... If she mentions your posture... To sort of explore or discuss what is going on for you? For example if it's a certain topic or even being there in general might be good to address.

Thank you so much True North, Cat, and SmilingPenguin for you replies. I do appreciate your care and concern for me.

Gosh darn it if she didn't do it again in today's session. I am so truly sick and tired of it. If I want to sit all knotted up because I'm scared then by God I'm going to do it. Her pointing it out to DH and I in session is not helping things at all.

I was so so hurt by her removing my individual therapy that I have totally stopped emailing or texting her. I know she doesn't want to see me so I'm sure she doesn't want to offer me any support with what I am going through. But I do think I am going to have to email her about this. If I just stick to very short email asking her to not do this anymore as I don't find it helpful at all hopefully she will just respect that and not have to "discuss" it. I'll see if I can get the nerve up to email her tomorrow.

Tomorrow I see my nutritionist who has said she will no longer be able to work with me since I am not in individual therapy anymore. T knows this but offered no real help. I know she believes doing just couples is the best way to help me find the support I need in my own life but I don't know how much longer I can take this. She is really passionate that she is helping me and that I can't change without DH being there with me. If I don't feel any better about this situation by July I may just quit all together. The couples work is opening up some better communication with DH but with no support for me I'm losing ground on the ED front. Any maybe I'm just bad or lacking but there are just some things that I don't ever intend to share with DH. I would't turn to him for support with the ED issues. I wouldn't want him to know how truly ill my mind can be.

Thanks again for the responses ladies.

Jillann

Jillann... I am truly concerned for you at this point. I do understand your reluctance to share very deeply personal things with your dh and that is your right to do. I do not tell my dh anything that goes on in therapy and would never want to have couples sessions with him. I truly believe that once my own issues have been dealt with our relationship will only improve. The issues are not with my marriage but with me and my early childhood.

What concerns me is that you have lost your safe place with individual therapy and now you are going to lose your nutritionist as well. This is very serious for someone with ED issues. I am not sure your T is behaving with any rationality and seems a bit off with her decisions. It almost feels that she is protecting herself more than taking care of you.

Is it possible for you to see a different T for a consultation about the recent developments with your T? I think you need a second opinion or perspective on what is happening. I truly don't see how forcing you into couples therapy, taking away your individual therapy and as a consequence your nutritionist is a constructive way to help you manage your ED.

I am sorry you are dealing with so much.

Hugs
TN

I emailed T about the comments. She agreed to stop. This is what she said but I still don't understand. Hoping someone might be able to help me understand her purpose better. She says she wants me to become aware of my body/feelings connection? I guess I just don't understand what good that is. I hate having a body and want to be as small and inconspicuous as I can. I don't want to be noticed and I hate when other people can read my feelings by my body language. That feels like a failure on my part.

quote:

Dear T
Would you please stop commenting about how I look when. I am there. I know i am tied up in knots. I can not help it. Your calling attention to it every week is not helping me.
Thank you,
Jill
Dear Jill,
My intention is to help you become aware of your body/feeling connection, your body is connected to your feelings and that is a GOOD thing! I will stop calling attention to it, thanks for letting me know what is helpful to you.
T

My dad used to sing "fatty fatty 2by 4 couldn't get through the bathroom door" at me. Then if I seemed to be getting upset about it would say "im just kidding. Dont be a martyr Jill."
It feels like your saying DH and I are all relaxed here but Jill is all tense. Look at her she is a mess.
I am aware that I am sad and scared when I am there. I guess im just not good enough at hiding those emotions.
Thank you for understanding
Jill

What u get to say to me and other relational grown ups now that you could never say to the grown ups when u were a kid is "that doesn't feel funny or playful to me but actually hurts my feelings and would u please stop". I can stop and I think DH can too! Good for you for asking for what you want.
t

Hi Jillann,

This has all been really tough for you and I'm always sorry and frustrated to hear what pain you are in. Sometimes I want to shake up these people in your life and say... I don't know, really. I just want the ones who count to pay attention to what you need.

The email exchange you had with T sounded productive, and I think she has a good point. It seems she just wasn't handling it in a good way for you. However, she did hear you and agree to stop. So good on you for saying something.

I do agree that you need your husband's support because he really is your one partner in life. I do think couples counseling will strengthen your relationship. But that isn't enough for you. You still need a bunch of support to deal with...YOU. And I imagine all of this stress and struggle is stirring up negative thoughts and coping methods.

I guess I wish you would try to move past T's rejection of you as an individual patient and try to find someone else who can help you in that mode. Then get working on YOU. It seems like all this "mess" is keeping you really stuck.

Whenever someone is causing distress to my "dear wife," I always ask if she wants me to go let the air out of their tires. Should I start driving your way?

One Thousand Safe Hugs,
-RT

I agree and I'll start driving your direction too. I'm with RT for letting the air out of her tires.

RT and RM come on down! T drives a white toyota with a kids booster seat in the back !

TN thank you so much for your concern for me. It has been an awful transition and I'm not happy about how it has taken place. T will not tell me why. She just keeps saying that she feels that the best way she can help me right now is to help me with my marriage. That is what she is good at and the way in which she can serve me best. I believe she would support me in seeking out another therapist to work with on the ED stuff. I don't want to go to someone else. I don't want to open up my heart to someone else. I don't want to go through all my stuff again with someone else. When the nutritionist called T and told her about me needing to be in individual therapy T asked me how I would feel about seeing someone else. She is worried that without the nutritionist I won't have enough support. BUT SHE NEVER SAID SHE WAS WILLING TO GO BACK TO SEEING ME. Does that mean there is something wrong with me or something wrong with her?

Thanks for the help with the feelings/body stuffSP. That makes sense I guess but I don't know what you do with that information. Its like telling someone "you have on yellow today". Yes I know I have a yellow shirt now what do I do? When she makes a comment about how anxious I am with her and DH there what does she think I can do about that? Yes I am anxious. I know that. Can feel that. I can't avoid feeling the feelings in session. I try to take deep breaths to calm myself but do watch the clock to see how much longer the torture will continue. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do with the observation. And why is it good for your body to be connected to your feelings? Do you not find it intrusive when people look at your body language and "read" your emotion? I don't see that as a good thing.

Well I texted T yesterday asking for an individual session. She said yes to sometime in the next week or so I will see her and hopefully get some resolution to all this.

Thanks everyone.

Jillann