Hi Liese,
I know you are struggling greatly and I'm so sorry about that.

One thing I would like to challenge you on is that you are making a lot of assumptions about your T. even with regards to thinking he has had an easier time socially, academically and professionally than you. And, that he has raised a daughter by himself and a wife that died. Are you sure about all of that? And, regardless you spend a lot of time in thought about it.

Whether you continue with him or with another T., it seems there is a lot to work through. You seem a bit stuck on this and it makes me wonder why.

Yes, it is true that it is very strange to be in a relationship with another person and not know what trials and tribulations they have gone through. But, sometimes we have to accept that in order to work through our own stuff.

My T. won't give me this same type of information. I too came from a family of secrets. But the fact is, no matter how much I know about by T. it will never be enough for me.

I don't know if I'm helping or not. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and knowing how hard this is.

Rebuilding Me

(((RM)))

Yes, I am making a lot of assumptions about him, aren't I? I haven't really a clue as to why I have all those needs except that I find the one-sided nature of the relationship too threatening, especially since I've built my life around him over the past so many years. Could it be that simple?

I'm actually relieved to have some time off from the intensity of my feelings and the relationship. When I saw the consult this week, she asked if I was tired of the connection or tired of the negative feelings. That seems like a great distinction to make. Sorry if I said that in my first post. I'm at work and have a vague notion of saying that already. The connection is nice but the intensity of pain is not.

Oh, and there have been times when I've expressed to T that I never liked "people like him". He has never challenged me on that or asked me what I meant by that. Maybe I would like people like him?

Hi Liese,

I think this fantasy about his wife dying is really powerful, and I hope you will share it with Sue Elkind. And T as well, maybe, but I think consult T will be able to hold on to the truth that this story/fantasy is really about you, whereas perhaps T might find that harder to hold on to.

You have a story here and it has a function for you emotionally - several functions, probably. It's certainly allowing you to feel grief, and to feel connection, too. But those feelings are based on something you have 'decided' is real, rather than a reality that is testable and shared with other people. Because of that I think it's potentially really isolating. You can enjoy the feelings of this story, but maybe you have to keep it to yourself to keep enjoying them. Something like that?

Whatever is happening with it, it's an important part of YOUR experience, and it seems to me it's important to explore in therapy.

((((JONES))))

That was really insightful. You would make a great therapist. Maybe it is as simple as it bringing up for me my father's sister's death. She had never married and didn't have much success at whatever it was she attempted. She would come to live with us for a period of time and then leave. When I was 14, she came to stay with us. My mother didn't like her. Apparently, my aunt was mean to my mother. My mother complained to my brother, who started a fight with her one night at dinner. He got physical with her and my Dad called the police.

Shortly after that my Dad told her she had to move out. She found a job at a mall nearby and was walking across a busy road to look at an apartment when she was struck and killed by a motorcycle.

Being 14, I don't remember that the loss per se had an effect on me. I had bought into my mother and brother's version that she was a difficult person and was crazy. But I remember the wake and how, when an old friend walked in, my father would break down. I would break down seeing him but couldn't share that grief with him just because it's the way things were in my family.

After the funeral, my father was all over the place in the house. He couldn't stay still and couldn't have a conversation with anyone. I told him that I was worried he was depressed and he would just smile and say he was fine.

I had never put the events togehter. In my emotional world, they were all just single events happening one after another. It's only since therapy that I realized how awful it must have been for my father, how many confusing emotions he must have had. Anger at my mother and brother. I'm sure he was not happy to have asked his sister to move out. There was also some talk at the time of suicide but no way to know or not.

And, yes, it was very isolating as was everything else in my family. Not being able to test things in therapy has been a very difficult part of the experience for me.

(((Liese)))

That's an incredibly sad story, Liese - I'm sorry.

I'm not surprised it is so hard for you that T is very private. I'm not surprised that you seek out information to try to expand your sense of confirmable reality. Nor that echoes of your past are coming up through these fantasies and asking to be looked at again.

I can't help but think how relieving it would be for you to be in a therapy situation where you COULD check out and test things as they came up, no matter what they are. It feels like that would be really healing.

I took a chance and even told my T that it was a risk - soon to be ex-T - by emailing him the horror that makes up my mind. I told him that I had to do it so he could help me. Sadly, he couldn't handle it.



One of my favorite quotes from Broadcast News:

quote:

Aaron Altman: Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If "needy" were a turn-on?

People always told me I was too insecure. My therapist is tired of reassuring me. Isn't that what I went to therapy for?

I feel like I slept with someone who detested me and I had no idea. Afterwards, it was like, "What, you want love? Are you kidding me?"

I'm sorry Liese. That sounds painful even though you have been preparing yourself for this possibility. I'm glad you showed T all of you and your thoughts. I'm even happier that you are clear that he couldn't handle it because while it is terrible he couldn't you are very clear that these are his limitations.

This is a difficult process you've been going thru but you keep going. I admire that and believe it shows your incredible strength. I hope you recognize this and give yourself credit.

I can only equate this to my struggle last year with T. It was very, very hard. But the good news was that it propelled me into greater growth and into new work with a different. It ended up being a wonderful change. I think tho, that I needed to go through the crap before I was ready for the next steps.

I trust this will be true for you, because that's just how things seem to work out.

Hang in there ((((Liese)))) - you're doing good work.

-RT

(((LIESE))) I'm sorry for all the pain that you are going through, but these struggles are pushing you to become stronger and stronger, and you are "WINNING"!! Keep going Liese. Its obvious to me that your T is not able to help you much. The positive of this is that you have put his limitations in front of his face, and he needs to see this. Your T cannot become tired of reassuring you if he wants to do his job, so the limitations are in his lap, not yours! I admire you Liese, stay strong and keep going.

Dear Liese, you started a painful journey which have worked for you up until now, I guess neither you nor your T knew to what depth/heights it would lead to. It sounds like he’s reached his limits and it would be up to him to learn for himself what your relationship has meant to him and he probably needs some space to reflect on his stuff. As for you, you’re a shooting star in so many ways and you’re ready for the next stage, chose well and you’ll be on the way to becoming a whole person, where you’ll never forget your past but you’ll move on from it. I know compliments is coming your way and they will help somewhat but I could imagine how you must be feeling about leaving what had been a safe sanctuary for a long time. It’s all about growing up and on; embrace it Liese; flow in to the next phase. What I would like to say is, unless you have to please don’t abruptly end with your T, you have history together, take time with your ending and leave knowing you both did all you could and with a smile and big hug. I am thinking of you, please take care of yourself.

Chezza

THANKS (((COGS)))(((MONTE)))((RED)))(((EME)))(((CHEZZA)))

Thanks for all the support and kind words. Yes, I do feel freer. It's true. And I do feel like I was true to myself. All that stuff had been there all along and I had been hiding it to be the good patient. It seems like he was only gratified providing reassurance as long as I "improved" and challenged myself but when I stalled, he got frustrated. Probably the truth is he overextended himself but couldn't sustain it.

Red, I was always amazed at your strength last year when you left your T. You are an inspiration.

Liese,

Did your T respond to your letter and that is how you know he can't handle it?

I sent a letter like that this morning after a sleepless night, a difficult session, and a moment afterwards while I was processing the session that broke me into a million pieces and left sobbing incoherently on the floor. I look forward to feeling freer but probably I need some more sleep before that happens.

You are an inspiration too, Liese.

(((COGS)))

I didn't write my T a letter. I guess I'm just speculating after our session 2 sessions ago. Last session he seemed calmer and said he was extremely impressed. Even after the difficult session, he said he was proud of me. I felt like it was all a bit patronizing but ....

It seems like, in some ways, I'm where I should be. I've done a fair amount of grieving over the past 2 weeks, don't want to go to therapy twice a week anymore or even weekly. I do feel freer. It seems weird that when there where so many good things happening, that our therapy would end.

I can't help but wonder if it's just that I've been there for too long and he can no longer be a blank slate to me and he finds that unnerving. I'm attaching a great article about googling your therapist that humoursly talks about some of the issues I was dealing with.

Google This

I'm tempted to give it to him but I think he's tired of me giving him things to read.

funny Liesa!

Hi dear Liese.

I am so sorry to read about your pain . I hope something good vill be waitning for you.

But can I ask you something, Why did you not ask about if he had wife ?

I know many things about my T , wife and kids and his family.

Very funny article Liese.

I am a little confused. Have you a session with your T since you took a two week break? Are you planning to? Have you contacted him at all? or do you think you aren't going to? Did he and you both agree you were stopping therapy? I thought you were at a point where you were going to take a two week break, go on some consults and then go back and talk to them.

Obviously too many questions and no need to answer if it isn't helpful. Mainly know I am thinking of you and hoping things are a little easier right now. I've had a difficult few days and sent my T an email disclosing some things I have been trying to tell him for awhile. He responded yesterday by saying a short "thanks for sharing all that. hope we can discuss it on Monday". I was hoping for more.

(((JILL)))(((ANNA)))(((COGS)))

Anna, that's the problem. He doesn't want to disclose. I would love to have the type of relationship where I can ask directly and NOT have to resort to googling. It seems healthier somehow. But I'm screwed up so what do I know.

I have an apt to see my T on Monday. Yes, we agreed to the two week break and on Monday we will discuss what will happen going forward. The problem is that he was angry with me and, if I wasn't before, now I'm insecurely attached. I don't think I can trust him to do the emotional work with me even if he wants to continue.

Cogs, I hope you are able to talk to your T on Monday. I know how it feels to be hoping for more but only to get a one or two sentence reply.

Thanks for thinking of me. I'll be thinking of you too on Monday.

Just stopping by to give a big

If you need to leave T (listen to your gut - mine told me to leave oldT way before I even considered it) then don't let yourself buckle under your attachment to him. That's The. Hardest. Thing. But if you decide to stay, I think you'll have to let go of your need to "know." It's not his way and continuing to struggle with it diverts you from the work you need to be doing. Continue being true to yourself.

I'm thinking of you now and will be on Monday as well.

-RT

Hi Liese .

I do hope you will be able to talk to him , did you tell him what you thought about his wife ..
Is this normal in the USA that the T does not want to talk about their life.. This has been very helpfull to me when I have problem like with my child my T does tell me how he has done with his kids , but I do live in small place, and I often see him out with or without his family.
I know many things about him and that for me is very important, I have difficult backround and knowing that my T does know how that is is important for me. I would put like, it important that my T does know how to be in my shoes, .

Liese, I'm concerned. I know I don't post much here and I don't know everyone all that well. Are you sure you are not speculating again. I am hearing what you think he is feeling and thinking. I too understand the disclosure thing, My T. doesn't disclose to me. Why? She could never disclose enough to keep me safe, contained, balanced etc. I have to learn what is it that trips me up so much with having to know and learning from this pain so that I can overcome it.

Please be careful in the next steps. It seems like you two have done good work. Are you creating something here where it doesn't exist. I could be really be wrong here, but I'm worried about you. My words are only good intentions and not to make this more difficult for you than it already is.

(((RED)))

Thanks for support and encouragement. I need it. I think the attachment bond is broken but I'm not entirely sure.

(((ANNA)))

It seems to be a very individual type of thing here. Some T's disclose more than others. It's different probably too in small towns, like yours, where you might run into your therapist more often and your lives are more intertwined. There was a time when knowing about his life would have devastated me, I think. I'm not sure since I don't know much about his life. I think it would have depended upon what it was and how he handled it.

(((RM)))

Thanks for your concern. (((HUG))) What is it that you are worried about? What am I creating that doesn't exist? Please come back and tell me what it is that you are worried about.

The problem is we never get past his boundary and resolve anything. It appears that he thinks all he has to do is to draw his boundary in the sand and the issue will go away. He doesn't do anything to help me understand why his boundary causes so much pain.

As Jones brought up on another thread, maybe my whole fantasy about his wife dying is more about my grief. When I looked at it that way, I recalled my aunt's death and it brought up a ton of stuff for me. I cried a lot about not being able to be there for my father. Until a friend pointed it out, it didn't occur to me, however, that no one had been there for me either or how I might have felt about my mother and brother after she died. I'm so used to focusing on others and NOT focusing on myself that to put the focus on my father or my T is natural and normal to me. It seems to me it's his job to be able to turn it around and get me to focus on what it means to me but he seems unable to do that. We just get caught in this web out there away from my pain and his pain - or whatever - and nothing ever gets resolved.

There was so much material there with my aunt's death, not only in the distant past but also in the recent past. I had to ask my MIL to move out of our house and it was awful. I felt so horribly guilty about it but couldn't stand having her live with us either. He just doesn't seem to know how to explore this stuff.

As Sue Elkind said, CBTer's generally like to feel like they are fixing a problem. It's a different way of looking at things.

Hi Liese, Perhaps I'm just confused and missing some pieces. I thought you wrote a letter and sent it, then you thought he was angry, but you didn't send the letter so I'm trying to figure out what has happened and what is his reactions based on interactions and not speculating or assuming. I myself am very, very good at speculating and assuming something about T. Rarely am I correct and I make decisions and cause havoc for myself based on assumptions.

I agree that he needs to explore this with you and not just draw a line of boundaries. You two need to get at this without him changing his boundaries.

(((RM)))

You are not the only one who thought I wrote a letter. I have to go back to see what the heck I wrote. I did call him on Monday and leave a message on his VM. I did NOT get a return phone call that day - which caused me a lot of distress. All I could think was that he is done with me.

Later in the evening I sent him an email asking how he felt about my VM. I also told him that I valued the relationship and, even though I would like to work with someone else, I would also like to see him every other week or once a month. That I can see therapeutic value to maintaining the relationship. (Why should I have to endure another loss?)

He wrote back to tell me he was glad I was doing okay and that he hasn't made any decisions yet. (WTF?) In any event, then he went on to say that he doesn't want me to misinterpret that but doesn't want to get stuck in our email cycle again and thinks it would be better if we discussed everything on Monday in person.

I do A LOT of speculating as well. The communication in my family was so poor. It was my only choice. It sounds like the communication in your family was poor too.

Thanks monte and Anna


I have to leave in 45 minutes. Uggghh. Why do I feel like I am going to hear what an awful person I am?

I just want someone to walk beside me for a while until I don't feel so alone anymore. The isolation is a killer.

You go girl! Be true to yourself!

-RT

Thanks Red. Session was kind of interesting. I tried to remind myself that, even if he doesn't think he's being defensive, he probably is being defensive. That helped at different times.

I started with the fact that we both probably wanted me to be where I am - in terms of cutting back on sessions - but were hoping it would be a little more seamless.

Then I said, "but I have to confess that I'm feeling a little confused, duped and betrayed. You have told me time and time again that you need to hear all my feelings. You've also told me to be myself and to ask for what I need and you would take care of you. I also told you after New Years that I knew my email was a risk but that I needed to show you what I struggle with."

He wasn't empathic at all. No validation. Just defended himself. I think he said he was just sharing his feelings two sessions ago and as I said, it was real. It might have hurt but it was real.

I then pointed out that when he told me how I felt two sessions ago, that I listened and didn't invalidate his feelings. He replied that he appreciated that.

Then he said, "I think we are getting stuck in the same loop."

I replied that it would just have been nice to get some empathy.


He replied, "I'm not going to give you false empathy because I'm still here. I haven't terminated you. I was just sharing my feelings."

So I said, "okay, fair enough."

Then I mentioned how it looked like we were off to a bad start.

He wanted to know why I called him last Monday and then why I sent the email since I said I wanted a two-week break. I told him that I was actually really proud of myself that I lasted so long. I also told him that it was a Monday, when I typically would see him. That I thought I would be okay but found that I was struggling that morning. That I'm used to seeing him twice a week and when have I ever suggested a two week break? His reply "never". Then I asked, when have I ever suggested a one week break? Never.

I told him that after he didn't call me back, that I started to spiral downward, thinking that he was done with me. That I struggled all day until I sent the email and that I really appreciated his response back.

He seemed satisfied with that answer but I thought, wow, he really doesn't get it, does he? Sue told me that if she had the chance to talk with him, that she would tell him how important he is to me.

In any event, I have an apt. for a week and a half from now. It was sad. He seemed like a completely different person. I wondered if that's how he has to deal with failed therapeutic relationships. That it's really something he struggles with and puts up a shell.

At the end, I told him that we needed to turn this corner but that it didn't mean the relationship had to end. Why did he have to become part of my past? I could work with another therapist AND see him once a month, for example.

He agreed to that. And then he said, I give us both credit for being here where we are. I wanted to say, "no, I give me credit." LOL! He's just doing what he's ethically bound to do. I'm the one working to turn the corner.

So, it ended on a positive note BUT can I ask, does anyone get why I would feel betrayed? I feel like I showed him my worst, darkest secret and he yelled "foul". Are my feelings not reasonable?

Hi Liese,

I think your feelings are reasonable because therapy should be about your feelings and not his. We pay them to take care of their feelings, but that's not to say they shouldn't ever express feelings, if it would be in our best interest.

It does sound like he's defensive and I'd be upset with how he expressed that he's still there for you and hasn't terminated you, as if to imply you should be grateful to him. You didn't do anything wrong to result in termination, but is he going to hold this over you, saying he could have terminated but he didn't? And because he didn't terminate you, does that mean you have to accept what he has to offer under the circumstances even if it's not meeting your needs?

I also think you're doing so much of the work here, and I hope it gets easier with him as time goes on, or if you decide to move on and work with another T.

Summer

(((SUMMER)))(((MONTE)))

Yes, I do feel like I did all the work. It really was kind of bizarre. I certainly didn't feel like I was being "taken care of". I had to take care of myself and him, too, once he said we were going into our cycle of arguing.

When he told me he wasn't going to give me any false empathy because he, I guess, hadn't let me down or didn't make any false promises, was that some kind of CBT technique? To challenge any beliefs that I am the victim here?

I'm just wondering what is wrong with being empathic? Would it necessarily reinforce feeling victimized? Maybe he feels victimized by me. There is something there with him around this issue. I've sucked every little last bit of empathy out of him and he doesn't have any more to give.

When he told me that he was upset about the googling because I disrespected him, I listened and was empathic. I could have told him that I wasn't going to give him any false empathy because EVERYONE GOOGLES THEIR THERAPIST AND HE NEEDS TO GET OVER IT.

Does anyone see a distinction between him feeling I disrespected him and me feeling let down, duped, confused and betrayed?

I don't think it is really going to work out. There is something there. He's angry and wont' admit it. He hates me and won't admit it. I hit a nerve. Maybe he doesn't know if he can trust me anymore? But that goes both ways and I'm not picking up good vibrations.

Mainly I didn't want to say goodbye today. I dreaded the thought. I wanted to leave with the fantasy that I'm going back. LOL! I'm such a wimp.

Once recently he talked about other clients who have left and it doesn't sound like they leave on good terms. Perhaps he doesn't know how to handle good endings?

He is a nice enough guy and has helped me a ton. I'm in a much better place now than I was. A lot of it was because of the relationship. But I don't think I would want to be a therapist like him.

Thanks for being there.

Just as a note to others on the thread, I have used consultant T's on two different occasions to decide what to do in a difficult T situation. In both situations I ultimately ended up leaving the T situation for which I consulted.

Liese, it sounds very disappointing in one way that he didn't understand more, but perhaps by doing that he made it easier for you to make a decision? Although it really seems like you have already made a decision to leave based on your post. It really doesn't seem like he understands what is going on with you or what he needs to do and you didn't mention that he had any ideas either, or as Monte mentioned, "took control". It did seem like his focus was more on--him.

I wondered if he has shown any inclination to pursue his own supervision/consultation or to talk to Elkind. Does he know about her? Has he expressed interest in talking to her? If he hasn't, I would wonder how motivated or capable he is of really moving you forward if you stayed--and even if he is, if he goes slowly because he has to muddle his way through, is it worth it for you to have to wait while he figures this out? I hope you make a decision based on what is best for you and not for what you might feel you "owe" him or for "old times sake" or any sh*& like that.

From the sounds of your post, it seems like he either doesn't understand you or isn't able to communicate that to you and is defensive. But it does sound like he cares. So hopefully that is comforting to you as you may make difficult decisions moving forward.

If your consultant T understands you more and has understood you more quickly than your current T does, that doesn't just say something about your T, it says what the potential is if you find someone more adept. You may have the potential to heal more quickly. Have you directly addressed the idea of possibly leaving T to go somewhere else? Does he know you are shopping around? His response to that might be helpful as is setting a plan for saying goodbye and the timing of all that if you end up doing that.

I ended up being terminated from one of the relationships I was consulting about and the other I terminated suddenly. Had I left earlier before it came to that point, I might have been in a position to have a more satisfying "goodbye" as satisfying as something like that can ever be. I did have the opportunity with a T I left because I was moving, and it made the transition easier to have that opportunity, to say what my regrets were as well as what I was thankful for.

I hope this sorts out quickly for you and that if you do decide to look for someone else, that the search for that solidifies your decisions.

It's sad. I know he liked me at one point but I don't think he does anymore or it's different now.

He told me three sessions ago that he was tired of being criticized by me. Maybe I just became a drag on his psyche. Maybe I really am a witch. Though he encouraged me to tell him all my feelings. That he had to know. So it can't all be my fault.

Hi Liese... I have been trying to follow this thread in between being sick with a horrible virus and going through some really tough times at work and with T.

Some of what you write is somewhat triggering to me in relation to what happened with me and oldT. In your last post describing your session with your T so much resonated with the circumstances of those last few sessions I had with oldT. Me taking charge, me taking care of him, the session being more about him than me, and his strident defensiveness.

A few of those close to me told me that a T can only take you as far as he has gone himself. Maybe your T has taken you as far as he could but you have grown past where he is and need someone else to finish your journey with you. This was very true for me. OldT could never take me where my current T has and could never have been there through some of the worst, most devastating times I have walked through recently.

While your T has seemed willing to make some adjustments and changes in therapy to better suit your needs, maybe the big changes were just beyond his abilities. It's a hard fact to face when the relationship has been so important. The problem becomes that they cannot handle being so important to someone else. My oldT told me he was not used to being important to someone. Well, too bad. That is how psychodynamic therapy works. You work the transference, go through the projections and then there is the attachment. It's all about the relationship.

And he shows a remarkable lack of curiosity about what is going on with your consult T's. You are doing all the work and he is just going along for the ride and making things difficult in certain aspects.

I know walking away is hard so take your time and phase out and into a new relationship that can take you to the places you want to go.

Good luck. I'm thinking of you.

TN

It is very confronting for me to read TN's words because I feel I am in the same place. In the middle of my own impasse with T. I am trying to figure out if she is with me for the next phase. I don't want to start with another T.

(((ELLY)))

I asked him once to go for supervision and he said no, on a number of levels - whatever that means. I would be impressed by a therapist who goes for supervision. It means they are not afraid of having their work looked at.

He does know about Elkind. She offered to consult with him in order to help me and he scoffed at the idea because it was more of me trying to change him.

Honestly, I'm tired of waiting until he figures it out. Things were okay as long as I told him how much I appreciated him but he isn't up for looking at some of the more difficult emotions. I'm sure he has them but maybe can't cope with his own. I have a feeling that if he took a look at his own, his whole world might collapse.

I'm not really interested in saying goodbye. I don't see the point.

(((TN)))

I can completely understand why this would be triggering for you. Thank you for posting and offering so much support. It HAS to be hard to read and must bring up a lot of old stuff.

I've heard that too, that a T can only take you so far as they themselves have gone. It does seem like he's got some stuff that he hasn't worked through yet. I did tell him a month or so ago that my trauma T told me that he and I were codependent and he laughed but maybe that got to him after a while. Maybe he didn't like that I was talking about him to her.

He did ask about the consults today. I told him the upshot was that I need a different kind of therapy. I thought I saw tears in his eyes at that point but maybe they were tears for himself? That someone saw a flaw in him? Rather than it means the end of our relationship? Who the hell knows.

I'm not sure if I will go back to say goodbye. He was warm on and off today depending upon what we were talking about. When I told him I had hoped to get some empathy and he mentioned we were getting into our cycle again, that was a low point. It wasn't as though he was pointing it out gently for therapeutic purposes. It felt more accusatory, as if it were my fault we were going there. Perhaps it was but aren't I in therapy for help with that kind of stuff?

I really think I got too close and saw too much and he can't handle it. His anonymity is gone with me and it makes it difficult for him to be comfortable.

T's are a dime a dozen around here and I'm sure as soon as I start with another one, I will forget about him rather quickly. I was amazed how that happened with the woman I saw before him.

IDK, maybe I am up to go in to say goodbye. I really don't want to leave on bad terms and see no reason why that should happen.

((((SD))))

Liese, I am having a terrible reaction to a new asthma medication so I'm struggling to make sense. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that T wasn't able to be empathic and you had to take care of his feelings. That isn't how therapy is supposed to work. I know you know that but it is still painful. I can understand a lot of the feelings you expressed today and they seem appropriate and expected. I would imagine that you will cycle between sorry and anger and frustration and feeling duped and let down and wanting to end on good terms and not wanting to say goodbye.

Good luck moving forward and continuing to work on improving your life.