Hi Nada,

It's nice to meet you. I like the sound of your name but the Spanish meaning makes me feel sad.

I've threatened to leave my T about 1 billion times since I've been seeing him. The most recent episode was just last week. That one wasn't because of anger, though. That one was because of embarrassment though in the past, sometimes it has been because of anger. T just told me that it would bother him if I didn't come back. I think he knows they are all empty threats because I haven't missed a session since I started with him almost 4 years ago. He just plays along with me as if I am really serious. He never says, oh, Liese, when will you stop this? I know you're not leaving therapy.

And, so, I'm wondering too if your T would be prepared for you to get angry. It almost seems like the natural course of therapy. We are all bound to get angry about something. But even if you did terminate, would that mean you couldn't go back? Hopefully not. She'd probably welcome you back with open arms.

Nada, I've gotten scared so many times in therapy and wanted to run. It's okay to be scared. Therapy is hard. It's hard to let yourself be so vulnerable. It's hard to let yourself be "seen". It's hard to feel these difficult emotions we've been stuffing away for so long.

Hey, what about talking to T about your fear that you will suddenly get angry and terminate therapy? Sometimes, just verbalizing a fear really helps. And, maybe she'll say something that will ease your mind a bit in the event that it does happen.

Liese

Hi Liese,

Nice to meet you too. Where is your name from? Ah yes the word 'nothing'. I guess one can always make something out of nothing.

We talked today about it. She mentioned that I must be willing to express myself in any way I wish for the therapy to work. I kept telling her that I never want to get angry at her. She asked why and I said 'because you are nice and I don't want to make you angry'.

She was nice about it. However I am so sensitive that I might be willing to become very angry at her. I've had therapy for 7 weeks and this week I felt that her nice tone became too patronizing and threatening. My view of her started changing quite rapidly. I thought she was too 'clinical'. Too narcissistic even. I got paranoid over her. I don't know whom she is. She could be a really bad therapist and I've trusted in her. I'd feel stupid if I got this attached to her and feel let down.

She was nice however. She did say she will always care and that she does care for my welfare. I find it hard to believe when she become clinical with her attitude but I have to accept it.

The past 3 weeks have been tremendously awful in my realization that I was so attached to her because I was due to leave to Uni in 2 weeks. Due to emotional overwhelming, I quit Uni. I know this sounds extreme, but this is how my emotions take over me. She could see directly into this and it scared me.

Sorry, I am rambling here. Need to get stuff off my chest I guess. You know thats a good idea. I will tell her my concern.

Thankyou Liese.