My T doesn't check email everyday & we usually only discuss their contents in session. It seems he reads or rereads them the day of our session so they are fresh on his mind. He makes notes all over them (which I'm ok with). He has only sent me a reply once, because we usually communicate by text between sessions. It's not like there is anything really bad in the email, just more detail than I usually give on harming, etc. and I'm projecting that he will think I'm making it up or doing it on purpose to get his attention and then I feel ashamed I didn't control it and want to hide (but I can't because I already sent it). I texted him how I was feeling about the email, but said I choose to trust him. This is hard! I want rules so I don't have to make these decisions for myself.

I think you made a great decision in the end. I know it's super hard to tell of SI. It will help. The more you talk about it, the more your T can help, and the easier in the long run it will be to beat it. I think it is pretty unlikely your T will think you are making it up for attention or anything like that. You shouldn't feel ashamed. You were honest and authentic, and seeking help and healing - all very wonderful things. Try to be kind to you, althought I know it is super hard to risk like you have, you a good thing!