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12 replies

Would you tell your T what you heard?

D debbyeMember
*might be triggery for people whose T's have lots of clients*

A relative of my T goes to the same study group I do, and a couple days ago they were saying my T was so popular nowadays that he has a waiting list and has seven appointments a day, and some other lady said he better watch it or he'll end up with a heart attack, and then someone else said that schedule sounds so overwhelming. I think only one person in the group (not the relative) knows I'm one of his clients. Anyway, I know I'm only one of those 35 appointments a week but I feel responsible! I feel guilty that maybe someone who desperately needs help from my T can't even get in to see him, and here's me still on the same schedule for three years and I feel guilty that maybe I shouldn't even go to therapy anymore, like maybe I've done enough.

I was practicing all weekend to call his voicemail in the middle of the night to tell him what I heard and tell him maybe I should only come in once a month (thinking that would free up 3-4 weeks where he could get another client in) or maybe just quit altogether (but if I needed him after that, I'd be put on the waiting list, right?). I don't know!

Hearing about him being overworked upsets me because I just had THE conversation with him (the "I love you" thing, only I said it as "i love who you are" which still took a lot of nerve, and he accepted it and I didn't get in trouble *happydance*). Figures, it just figures the very next day I hear how busy he is. Now I feel like I don't mean anything to him and what I said means nothing to him.

My question is would you tell him what his relative said or would you just say you needed to cut back (and make up some explanation that didn't include what you heard)?

~D.
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yakusokuyakusokuMember
Debbye, I think it might be good to explore how this revelation makes you feel with T, but not expect yourself to do anything about it. If it helps, I'm pretty sure my T sees a comparable number of clients and also reads all my texts and emails (I'm assuming other clients too) and participates in church activities and runs a program for anger management. I'm not sure it's uncommon for some T's to take on heavy loads. And it is his choice is he does. I have to imagine that in the three years you have been there, he has chosen to take on new clients when others have left. So, unless he said, "No," to all those new clients, it really is his choice to be as busy as he is.
ladygreyladygreyMember
Debbye,

You are only responsible for yourself. Please do not take on the burden of worrying about the people who cannot get in to see your T. There are other T's available to them if they cannot get an appointment. Also, you don't know if your problems are more or less "worthy" of therapy than their problems.

If it makes you feel better, then yes, talk to your T. But I don't think you should cut back on your therapy because he is in demand.
L lieseMember
Oh Debbye,

My T has a similar workload and part of my therapy has actually been feeling like I belong there, feeling like I'm important enough. So glad you had the "I love who you are" conversation but it's not the end of it, just the start. IMO, you have to feel important enough and that is going to take time. It's not going to happen overnight.
D debbyeMember
Wow, you guys are so wonderful! I was suffering some serious P.A.D. after I posted, LOL!

Yaku – I guess you’re right. I just don’t want him to die of a heart attack. It didn’t even occur to me it could happen till that lady said that. Frowner

LG – Thanks! I just wish I hadn’t heard them talk about him at all. (Ignorance is bliss.) I also don’t want his relative to get in trouble if I tell my T what they were all talking about.

DeepFried -- I think he does take care of himself as far as physically because he has huge jars of vitamins and supplements in his office and he mentions going to the gym. I will try not to feel guilty but it’s hard because I just told him how I felt about him and now I have to worry he’ll die. I know it sounds like I’m three years old when I say that, but their conversation about him being overworked was really bad timing!

Sadly -
1) how you answered this made me smile!
2) It was a big risk for me to say “I love who you are” so I think it would be hard to talk to him about how much him dying scares me.
3) hugs back, and thanks.

Liese – yeah, I know, it’s a really slow process but it felt marvelous that he accepted what I said! I had guts that day!

STRM – Thanks, your opinion means a lot to me. I’m getting it, it’s his problem, and when I think about it, from what I see of him, it doesn’t look like he’s that frazzled to me so maybe he *can* handle it. It just really upset me when they said he could have a heart attack.

Thank you all so, so much for helping me and listening.

~D.
D debbyeMember
My T said he's okay and his schedule isn't any different than any other time I've been going there. He said he could set boundaries and slow down if he needs to. He didn't sound angry that those ladies were talking about him but he acted really concerned about me being upset, because he's aware of the problems I have with loss and knew about my panic about potential loss. (I thought this was pretty cool that he remembered.) He was actually super kind about the whole thing. ~D.

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