Silly, CG. Didn't she realize she needed informed consent before performing an experiment?

i did major eye-roll when i started reading the initial post, but of course our wonderful members were brilliant end level-headed and informative and i thought there were good exchanges. it turned ugly when she negated SD's experience. it all went down-hill at that point and she was like a cornered wild animal. anyway, the forum has proven once again that our members are awesome, smart, and compassionate. i'm loving all of you!

editted to add a
P.S. Liese, it would be interesting to know, wouldn't it? i wouldn't be surprised.

I feel sorry for those members who willingly shared their stories yesterday; but I hope that I am not alone in still wanting to believe that the thread wasn't started simply to provoke and judge peoples reactions? IF that were the case then, yes, it was a vile thing to do; totally. But for the time being, I'm reluctant to pass judgement.
The whole thing has shown just what strength and compassion there is amongst members here. Let's try to hold on to those qualities.

If done intentionally, AV, I agree with you - vile.

But there is something wrong there even if the person isn't a member that has been banned and truly is this 20 something year old female who is not interested in building relationships but is interested in

quote:

how reactionary a lot of people are and how a different opinion is often not tolerated by people who have been hurt/traumatized

I'm sure there are people who disagree with me but that's just my opinion. What kind of person would poke at traumatized people just to learn?

And, so, again, in my opinion, there must be a total lack of compassion and empathy there - regardless of whether or not she was aware of it or intended to hurt.

I want to believe that CG was bona vide in her intentions to learn about the issues, but I couldn't believe and was hurt by her manner and opinions.

My initial reaction was a crazy one, but I chose to use it to help her to understand us.

Do you all realise what happened over the past 24 hours? We all pulled together and supported each other while willing to let someone join in and to help her to understand our issues. Even though she was very direct and offensive (in my opinion) we still were trying to help her.

I am sorry that I couldn't hold it in any longer. I did tone down what I wanted to say.

I am saddened that she couldn't stick around to learn.

The other thing that was so very different - is that new people usually lurk for days, weeks, months, then tentatively join, then feel incredibly shy before they even post and usually are apologetic for a long time until they find their feet. CG confounded my by her first post being so direct and to me it was a bit insulting.

I just wish she had trod gently and tested the waters for a while. I was very offended by her comments at times, but I realised that it was probably my personality or history or BPD and so I tried to look beyond that.

I feel quite raw after it all, but not defeated!!!!

Big hugs to everyone.
Somedays

Liese

Yes I do agree with you that there was a lack of empathy and compassion in CG's posts at times. Can it be put down to the impetuosity of youth I wonder?, a rather too outspoken nature?, a lack of sensitivity and tact that develops with maturity?. I maybe totally wrong here; but I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but I can certainly see how the whole thing appears on the surface.

SD

quote:

The other thing that was so very different - is that new people usually lurk for days, weeks, months, then tentatively join, then feel incredibly shy before they even post and usually are apologetic for a long time until they find their feet. CG confounded my by her first post being so direct and to me it was a bit insulting.

Absolutely agree with you here. Certainly as a new member that's how I felt, and this as a first thread was hard to believe. A little more reading and understanding before posting wouldn't have gone amiss.

The thing is that this isn't the first time this has happened on the forum (and, admittedly, sometimes these incidences seem quite similar..), and it's not going to be the last. I'm just glad that the forum community is still able to bounce back and remain a supportive environment.

((((CD))))

quote:

the forum has proven once again that our members are awesome, smart, and compassionate. i'm loving all of you!

Loving you back!

((((SD))))

quote:

Do you all realise what happened over the past 24 hours? We all pulled together and supported each other while willing to let someone join in and to help her to understand our issues.

It really is awesome, isn't it?

quote:

Can it be put down to the impetuosity of youth I wonder?, a rather too outspoken nature?, a lack of sensitivity and tact that develops with maturity?.

AV, I love that you aren't as quick to judge as I am and God knows, I have a pretty high toleranace but, even giving CG the benefit of the doubt, the whole thing was akin to someone coming onto, say a poverty forum and saying,

quote:

I am from a priviledged background. My parents have more money than you will ever know. I went to all the best schools. I'm sorry but I just can't understand why you all are rummaging through the garbage everyday and why you don't have a more "normal" relationship with food. Can you please explain it to me?

I mean, really? If the person was young and innocent, clearly they have the sensitivity of a fingernail.

Look at it this way, if she was who she said she was, maybe she learned something about sensitivity and compassion. Then again, maybe not.

(((KASHLEY)))

quote:

I'm just glad that the forum community is still able to bounce back and remain a supportive environment.

Me too, Kashley.

I'm off to study for the day. Sending out positive vibes to everyone for a peaceful day.

Hi All:

I am truly sorry for anyone that was hurt with the remarks made in that post. I think members showed as much restraint as possible under the circumstance and tried to give the benefit of the doubt. I regret it lasted as long as it did but it did have some positives:

1: our members banded together in support
2: our members showed they were willing to extend the benefit of the doubt
3: our members voiced their opinions and were not silenced

Thank you all for being as cooperative and nice as you were in such a tight spot. Perhaps she's a troll, perhaps she is a person with good intentions and poor delivery, whatever the case I give you all props for hanging in there and gleaning the positives.

Proud of you guys,
Lillies

I agree whole heartedly about the forum came together in the way we did. I do have to say that I feel badly about my last post. I can get very sarcastic when I am worked up. And her repsonse to my post asking what her intentions were got me a little worked up to say the least. I have never experienced something like that on this forum and I felt the need to defend the friends I have made here. I love all of your support. And I want you to know that you "anonymous members of a forum" make my life feel INCREDIBLY FULL!!

So thank you for that. I hope I didn't offend anyone with my last post to CT.

Hugs to all,

Liese,

I completely agree with your assessment. The erratic veering from being insulting, to patronizing-- "oh, wow, I'm so sorry for all of you, thank god my life is perfect!", to argumentative smells strongly to me of troll. Sincere people are just not as emotionally dense as she was playing. I think she was looking to bait people and stir up trouble. There are people who do this on forums and elsewhere on the internet seemingly for kicks. What their real motivations are is beyond me, but they seem to follow predictable patterns and I thought I recognized a type. Yeah, I could be wrong, but this is my impression since you asked.

I do agree with everyone that has posted here that board members handled this in a very lovely and mature way. I was proud to see so many coming out and working together. The forum lives!

Hugs to any who were stressed or hurt.

Hi all,

I couldn't reply sooner, I really wanted to offer my support to you all as you tried to explain so wonderfully about things that you shouldn't have to explain but I felt very triggered about what was being written by CG. Thank you Lilies for moderating so well and sensitively.

I am so proud of the way our dear members here have come together to support each other. One thing is very clear to me: we are very diverse, each with our own reasons for coming into or out of therapy, we have different reasons and different modes of therapy, different beliefs about how therapy should or could be, different goals and idealisations YET we are a gentle understanding community and I feel so pleased to be a tiny part of it.

starfishy

Number9

quote:

Come to think of it, this DOES sound like a few therapists I have encountered.

Funny you say this. I had the thought that it WAS a disgruntled therapist at the other end, as defensive of therapists as she was.

Liese..

At least I can joke about it a bit now, I guess that's a good sign?

Yep! Gotta wonder..

I haven't been around much, but I checked in yesterday and saw CG's thread and was SO impressed by how patient and giving SO many of you were. I couldn't respond, but I wholeheartedly agree with Liese's assessment:

quote:

Originally posted by Liese:
Personally, I'm thinking her childhood may not have been as painfree as she claims and she might need more intensive therapy than she thinks.

I am amazed and impressed by each of you. We all are doing our best on our individual journeys, and you are encouragements in so many ways.

Thanks.

WOW is right. You guys make me proud. I think you all are amazing & wonderful. I'm sorry to see things like this occurring on the forums. It's significant as Someday's said how when the "going gets tough," we all stick together.

to ALL!

It is good to see that everyone pulled together. When read it, it felt like a physical slap in the face. I did not reply to the post because I felt I did not have the experience to do so in an appropriate manner. But everyone who did, did such a good job, well done to everyone.

A couple of former members' names came to mind as the thread deteriorated - mostly Sadly/Sheychen! Like Liese pointed out, some of the terminologies and attitude seemed very familiar!

I do hope no-one took on board anything she said - you're all a great bunch of people and it's a privelege to be part of this group.

s to all.



*Edited with members permission.

quote:

I haven't been around much, but I checked in yesterday and saw CG's thread and was SO impressed by how patient and giving SO many of you were.

I echo Outsider's words - I've been in and out, catching up on the forum when I can. I perused CGs thread, and was very impressed with how everyone handled it. Makes me feel so good to be part of this community!

B2W,

quote:

I have been through serious traumas in my life, but nothing compares to the pain of what my T did to me

I know this was intended for CG and the thread was blocked before I could respond but I want you to know I heard and felt your pain. It is raw and very real! I couldn't help but cry when I read it. I am so sorry you have to go through that. It is a complicated trauma to resolve.

We don't know each other...yet. I write because I know the pain of termination in the midst of transference. Only the people who were around here two or more years ago would know anything about my story. They supported me during a period of that termination by my T of more than four years. Unfortunately, I couldn't emotionally handle all that triggered me here so I retreated from MyShrink until recently. I am stronger now, I think. I came back here and assumed nothing had changed and in desperation, jumped in with both feet. Probably a big mistake around people who are leery of newcomers. I have learned a lot of water flowed over the forum bridge and nearly knocked it out and noticed it was alluded to in this thread. I truly hope healing has begun for everyone!

B2W, I hope the best for you in your healing journey from the trauma you suffered, old and new. I sent you a hug because I know how much you need one and here is another one because I don't think we can ever get enough of them!

SomeDays, I didn't overlook your post about his topic...here is a hug for you too.

deeplyrooted

WOW is all I can say, I read the thread and am in awe of how you all handled CG, I wouldn't of been able to do so. There were way to many triggers from her!!

All I can say is it is very scary to think she may at some point be in a position to try to help someone, who will be there to pick up the pieces of the peoples lives she will hurt more then when they walked into her office!!!

You all ROCK!

quote:

Come to think of it, this DOES sound like a few therapists I have encountered.

Funny you say this. I had the thought that it WAS a disgruntled therapist at the other end, as defensive of therapists as she was.

Ha!! . Yes that strikes a chord! I actually think CG is sincere, though I did have to look again at her first post. Pretty defensive and arrogant/pompous, but lets face it: the psychcafe is rich with feelings and pain - maybe overwhelming and extreme for someone who identifies as couture, considers therapy an accessory, and emotions as something to be avoided or dissmissed (especially in Therapy which she sees as an exchange of ideas).
CG seems prooud of herself and is enjoying learning theories about herself and psychology. Perhaps so much that she thinks she would like to be a therapist and cant wait to tell patients (us) how we can simply behave like her. Well, there is likely to be a humbling experience (if yesterdays thread wasn't a beginning) for her at some point. And painful as they are, these are the blessings as well as the curses. I feel so blessed to be present here with you in the psychcafe.

"It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been open by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed for fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it" Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Hi All:

I wanted to let you know the couture girl has been logged in according to the home screen and for quite awhile. She's very likely reading this and I just don't want to give her any satisfaction that she accomplished anything and I also don't want anyone to post something they wouldn't be comfortable with her seeing.

Thank you all for your support... It means more than you know especially with all the things that have gone on the last several weeks.


The Board Lives :-)
Lillies

I am definitely not trying to stir anything up...but if one's motive is for good, why wouldn't one seek to understand? I am disheartened by this. I wish CG would come back and explain herself. As things have played out, I was hoping that how things seemed to be coming across wasn't intentional.

TAS

For fear of me perhaps playing devils advocate here,
can we not just maybe accept that CG was simply
expressing her own personal opinions on her thread
for which no explanation should be required.
Wouldn't her coming back here to explain just
add more fuel to the fire?
Just my own thoughts you understand.

Well said AV. TAS, do try to not stress over this - in fact CG is watching and she's not commenting for some reason, that's her choice! Personally, I'm more concerned that you will look after yourself ((TAS))!

wow, i'm also so impressed with how everyone handled this and am so glad to be part of this community!
personally i am also glad that my shitty childhood at least made me into a more 'sensitive' person. and i'm happy to be surrounded by all the lovely sensitive people here.

puppet

It's interesting I think, because we have such an understanding of what our friends here might be feeling and experiencing, that we forget sometimes that the man on the street might not have a clue and might come over as extremely insensitive. I had a conversation with someone yesterday who was trying to be helpful and understand, yet all I got from it was a feeling that if I really wanted to get better and if I really wanted to sort my difficulties with my (rather large ) traumatic past, then I should sit and talk about everything to T and that will be that - simples. Sadly no amount of explanations, short of saying too much detail and running the risk of making her and me very uncomfortable helped.

I guess what I am saying is that people often don't get it, but I so agree with puppet and I too give thanks that I have an understanding and sensitivity that I know I would never had, were everything in my childhood more plain sailing.

Starfishy

Well said AV

(((((DEEPLYROOTED))))

I don't know you but my heart goes out to you.

quote:

I came back here and assumed nothing had changed and in desperation, jumped in with both feet. Probably a big mistake around people who are leery of newcomers.

We're not that leery of newcomers. It's just that for me, personally, I hated to see the lovely people here tell their stories in an attempt to justify why they feel the way they do about their therapists to a stranger who may or may not have had the best intentions. IMO, no one has to justify anything to anyone. If someone wants to be a shrink, this is not the place to play.

I hope this whole incident hasn't made you withdraw. On the plus side, it has brought out and together lots more people have who haven't been posting and it's really nice to see everyone.

(((KATIEDID)))

I couldn't sign off without mentioning what you said here:

quote:

maybe overwhelming and extreme for someone who identifies as couture, considers therapy an accessory, and emotions as something to be avoided or dissmissed

I loved the way you described therapy as an accessory coupled with the reference to couture. Gave me an immediate visual. And you know, you're probably onto something. Not everyone is ready to confront their pain.



edited for grammar

The whole situation is unfortunate to see I hate to see a person treat others so callously...

In our lives there are people who accept us for everything we are, where we've been, and the roads we are taking to fulfill our goals. When I came here a year and a half ago I had no idea about therapy but this warm group welcomed me with open arms and gently guided me towards understanding as I traveled the path towards developing a relationship with a therapist (2 actually!).

Many people do not understand what I have been through. The people in my life who I call friends cannot simply understand what it feels like to me to be an un-mothered child and I see the confusion on their face when I talk about how important the therapeutic relationship is to me. They try to understand, and no matter how much I attempt to meet someone who "gets it," I don't find that type of acceptance anywhere other than here. I watch you all respond with so much knowledge, empathy, and understanding. It's as if those of us who HAVE been there have a greater ability to understand.

Last night I got triggered and wanted so badly to lash out at CG. She reminded me of the therapist who waltzed into my life thinking that 6 months of therapy was going to cure me of 30 years of abuse, how the relationship between us meant little to nothing at all, and with an inability to emphasize because in her own training she stated "my life was perfect. I didn't/don't need therapy."

It takes a special type of person to become a therapist.


AND I posted this last night(erased it later) but my T always says that "everyone has their own shit, and before you sit across the room with someone and join them on the journey of a corrective emotional experience, you better understand and work through your own shit! If you don't, that's when therapist's harm clients in ways like many of us have experienced."

So a word from the wise and wonderful T that I found myself sitting across from to all hoping to become therapists: Work through your own shit!!!

Good luck with that CG!

May I ask why she is able to stay on this forum...even if it is to lurk? This has opened my eyes to the fact there are many who look at our posts and although I would like to believe the best, I am not sure of their intentions, either. When I post I never consider how many view...I only think of those who respond.

This has truly made me reconsider posting at all...only because we share so much with the intent of helping others and it only takes One person to mess that up.

I wonder how many people come on to gawk...not really caring that there are people who are behind these screen names with real lives and real pain.

AFter I started this thread, several people wrote privately to tell me that they are surprised and disappointed by my initiating this thread.

These people are people with whom I have good and open relationships and I repsect and value their opinions.

I usually hate it when someone gets picked on or ganged up on or in some cases even banned - even if I disagreed with the person being banned. For me, the sense of rejection, the notion that someone could be a worthless human being and getting ganged up on whilst no one came to that person's rescue was something too difficult for me to bear and goes against my very core.

So why is this case so different for me? This is a question that keeps going through my mind.

Beyond the obvious difference that people like xoxo was a long-standing valued member of this community and CG was/is a newcomer, there is something else going on for me.

What has happened to me IRL more times than I can count is that someone has come along and asked me questions about myself. Naively thinking that the attention I was getting was genuine and because of my high approval needs, I always answered fully and completely only later to be rejected and to learn that the questions were asked only because the person was curious but not interested in becoming my friend. I've become more self-protective, which is a good thing, I think.

What I saw going on here was a bunch of trusting people and I didn't want to see any of them get hurt.

Has that happened to anyone else - that you've opened yourself up to something thinking they were interested in getting to know you but they weren't?

quote:

Originally posted by Unbroken:
So a word from the wise and wonderful T that I found myself sitting across from to all hoping to become therapists: Work through your own shit!!!

Good luck with that CG!

YES! Your therapist is very wise. If CG is truly thinking of becoming a therapist...well...she has a lot to learn about many things.

I have not been through the types of trauma that some/most of you have experienced..and yet, I would never imagine being as callous and dismissive as was shown earlier. I give all who responded much credit! I also want to add that I read here to learn more about myself and others who have been through things I have not. I don't post often because sometimes I don't have much to offer/relate to (and because you all respond to each other WAY better than I could). I am mostly an outsider (I'm okay with that! I know what my limits are). But I read the threads because it gives me a look at what happens after the sessions are over. I believe I will be a more sensitive and better therapist one day. I also learn a lot about myself and my own process in therapy. I have become more open with my therapist because of your posts and your bravery to become vulnerable. I have trouble with that too (and I haven't experienced complex traumas). Sometimes I can so relate to what you are saying...despite our different childhood experiences. I hear you TAS and I just wanted to say that some people who read here without posting do have good intentions and don't judge you (as a group) for your struggles. Hell, my struggles are embarrassing and painful enough, I could never judge someone else for their pain.

As I saw the whole thing was like...WTF....we all here are strugling like hell to feel accepted, to feel love, to feel safe, a lot of us even pay, to learn these things we weren't taught, but should be, we had that right and was taken away from us...we shared a lot, and then one person comes and is patronising us? Questioning us? Judge us? By CG, I felt like I should be punished for seeking help for myself...And I asked myself...again? No, no more...At that point I asked CG to stop...To much rely on a T? That is what Ts do...That is something they are taught to handle and to teach us, they choose to do it...I never ever choose to be hurt, damaged...etc...Off course they are humans, and therefore there are ruptures or some bad Ts...

If a newcomer read our stories as CG said she did, and then puts on a post like she did...? And she didn't stop. That is wrong and harmful...

I am glad that the topic is locked...and I am so so proud and touched by the forum comunity...
Cudos to all of you!

Hello:

While this is likely an unpopular stance at the moment Iam wondering if this thread is still appropriate? I think it is very normal for a group that has been hurt to get together and discuss it and vent but I do wonder that our guests readers may see this and not want to join at all? Don't get me wrong.... Every single one of you have very valid thoughts and feelings but I am asking everyone to please try not to turn this thread into a gang-up on someone who is still technically an active member as she has neither been suspended or IP banned as of yet. We wouldn't do this to any of our members and I know we were wronged, I know she was a troll but I wonder if new users or guests might stubble upon these posts and decide not to join? Can we turn this around to avoid a locked thread and show readers that hey - you are totally welcomed here, even with difference of opinion so long as you are respectful and aren't trolling?

I apologize it my post hurt anyone. That was not my intention and it certainly wasn't my intention to silence the thread, I wanted to error on caution. I hope we all continue healing and learning from this and after reading through more post I have asked for a suspension. I hope that brings some comfort to members that were hurt although I know that what was done probably goes way beyond that.

CTL

No problem CTL. I didn't know whether to respond or just move on.

She seems to be gone from the member directory. What does that mean?