LG.. I'm sorry you are struggling. First, I do not think your new T will think you are crazy or childish or anything bad at all. I think she will perfectly understand how you are feeling and seems very willing to discuss how this made you feel. And it's important that you not ignore what happened. I'm glad you emailed her back to tell her you were keeping the appointment.

I guess I have a few questions... did your friend tell you she did this? What did you say to her? The other thing is... do you think you are really in a dark place and depressed? You said this was your best friend and maybe she just really cares about you a lot and is scared and does not know how to help you. (I'm ducking in case you are flinging something at my head) If this was your best friend who was in a terrible state or suffering what would you do? It's a hard situation to be in for a friend to stand by helplessly and do nothing. She may have gone too far but I think she had your best interests at heart.

My sister called my newT unbeknownst to me until later. Of course, he couldn't really tell her anything but she told him about some concerns and he thanked her for being a good sister and for supporting me. Then he told her if I signed a release then they could talk further. I didn't sign it because that is MY way of controlling my own therapy. I didn't get angry with her at all, but I was surprised. I know she was just trying to help me.

Please don't worry about what your T will think... I'm sure this is not the first time it happened and won't be the last. Go in there with the thought that there is at least one person willing to take that risk that you will get annoyed with her just to help you. That's a good thing. And please don't feel silly for reacting that way, there are many of us here (me included) that struggle with emotional regulation and I'm famous for going from 0 to 1000 in 2 seconds.

Let us know how it goes tomorrow. Hang in there. I know you will be fine.

Hugs
TN

LG... I'm so sorry.
I just read the title and cringed. Yeah, she meant well, but it is a total boundary violation by your friend. Canceling plans is not grounds to call a friend's T, no matter how concerned they are the friend is depressed. I am trying to think of when that would possible be ok... If a friend of mine was seriously in crisis, like standing on the edge of a bridge, or clearly telling me they will hurt themselves or others, then I'd call a crisis line or maybe their T. And I would tell my friend FIRST.

ugh. yucky. This just feels yucky to me that she did this - I am so sorry.

I guess it just pushes a button in me - but I think it's really legit to be really bothered by this. You are friends, and your friend is not responsible for you and should not treat you this way. She should respond to you like anyone who is not in therapy who would cancel plans. It's very unadult way for your friend to respond to a concern she had about you, and her boundary invasion, as most rescuing type of boundary invasions are, feel like it was really about her, and her inability or unwillingness to deal with her own feelings and anxiety.

Your T also should really understand why that would be upsetting to you. By law, your T can't even reveal if she knows you at all or not. All she can say is that she can not confirm nor deny this person is or has ever been even a patient of hers without any signed release.

I 'm really glad you are going to talk to your T about this. I like your idea of bringing your friend in, and I really hope your T will back you up in making it clear to your friend that you need her to be your friend, not to rescue or fix you.

Even if your T doesn't get back to you about bringing your friend in tomorrow, it still could be a great conversation to have with your T about boundaries, and you could brainstorm how to deal with this with your friend invading boundaries of your therapy and your friendship (out of good intentions but still not ok).

I also... well, not sure how to say this... but it does sound like a serious pattern with this friend. She doesn't sound like a very safe friend. I would really try to make boundaries clear to her. I understand that the hospital incident and the kind intentions of your friend make it hard - but in the long run, it is best for you and her. I hate to say this, but she did break your trust, and while I would not just end the friendship, I would make it clear to her that boundary violations like she seems to have pattern of doing are not ok and ruin a trusting friendship. You are angry for a good reason. Anger is a sign that something is wrong and helps us take action. I would not feel embarassed about your reaction at all. I think it is healthy and you are seeking out healthy options of what to do to deal with this - and I think you are taking a lot of good steps. It's a good sign of healthy awareness of what is a really healthy boundary. I think I would be concerned if you didn't have a strong feelings in reaction to what she did! I would have probably canceled too. It would be hard for me in my relationship with the T and the friend - just because your relationship with your T is so important and so... for lack of better words... a space that is supposed to be really yours. It is not the place for anyone to call and try to affect your T treatment of you - at least not uninvited friends and family!

eh, I have really no idea what to do - so feel free to ignore my input if they are totally off the mark.

I do really think you are having a very healthy reaction and taking good steps though. I am so terribly sorry this happened and I really hope you and your T can connect about this.

~jane

Hi
I have been lurking for a while and decided to jump in and post. The whole thing of your friend phoning your T really struck a cord with me. I have a lot of trouble assessing whether relationships with certain people are helping or harming me and it causes tremendous internal confusion in me. What bothers me is that i can't tell if the deed was good or bad and then i dont know how to feel about it because i havent been able to figure whether what happened is good or bad. I dont know if that makes sense but there you go, confusion in all its glory.

So basically what i wanted to say is that i think your T sounds brilliant in how she is handling this. Having some time to figure things out for yourself first really is a wise suggestion.
Pandora

Dear LadyGrey,

i have followed this thread with great interest- and i just wanted to drop in to say you have EVERY right to feel both confused and angry and feel wahtever you feel about your friend calling your T. i think everyone whould have reacted to that, in different ways, but indeed reacted strongly. And i am sure your T would understand that too. I think you are handling everything very good, and i aslo think your T are making the right moves here, when suggesting you come in alone first. Thats sounds like the right way IMP. And maybe, after that indiviual session, you`ll find out whether or not you still want to bring your firend with you MOnday. *IF* you want to keep a "protect" your therapy- or make a stronger line between you and your therapy- and your friend, *maybe* it is a good idea to go alone, and not bring your firend with you. You know of course whats best and what you need/want, but i know that if this happened to ME- and i felt that my therapy was being interfered with OTHER people (friends, family.etc.) i would have wanted to set a boundarie there- and talkeD to T alone. its your therapy. Your therapy is private and should be YOURS and you dont owe your friend to come with you. But.. of course, if its importnat for YOU to bring your firend with you- for an explanation- its totally understandable too.
Good luck with your session! Let us know how it went if you want to! Sednig you lots of supprt in the meantime.

ps: Welcome Pandora

Hi LadyGrey and welcome to the forum! I just wanted to say...I reeeeaaaalllly like how your T2 handled this. She sounds very professional and her plan going forward makes a TON of sense. Well done, working through this! I look forward to getting to know you better.

Peace,
SG