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((BG)) it's good to hear from you..
I can imagine that comment brought up a lot of grief. Your T talks to you in much the same way one of my Ts talks to me - pushing, pushing, pushing. It DOES feel like intentional triggering sometimes.
I'm sorry you wanted to run away but it was so brave of you to stay and I'm so glad your T said he wanted to get you in to a better place (my T does the same chit chat thing to get to a better place). Since you guys don't normally do chit chat maybe your T could kind of feel a lot of emotion around the topic, resisting a bit. Sometimes my feelings will do sort of a holding pattern, like planes that can't land yet at an airport until there is an opening.
I really do hope tomorrow is better it is a crappy thing to have to deal with or think about. I wish you guys could have had a relationship w/o that woman around - it's still possible and it makes me angry on your behalf that there wasn't effort made to either fix the situation or see you outside and away from a hateful person. I can understand your anger with your Dad about that and not protecting you
Lots of stuff to carry around, and I'm really sorry.
Very much hoping tomorrow is more gentle on you.
I can imagine that comment brought up a lot of grief. Your T talks to you in much the same way one of my Ts talks to me - pushing, pushing, pushing. It DOES feel like intentional triggering sometimes.
I'm sorry you wanted to run away but it was so brave of you to stay and I'm so glad your T said he wanted to get you in to a better place (my T does the same chit chat thing to get to a better place). Since you guys don't normally do chit chat maybe your T could kind of feel a lot of emotion around the topic, resisting a bit. Sometimes my feelings will do sort of a holding pattern, like planes that can't land yet at an airport until there is an opening.
I really do hope tomorrow is better it is a crappy thing to have to deal with or think about. I wish you guys could have had a relationship w/o that woman around - it's still possible and it makes me angry on your behalf that there wasn't effort made to either fix the situation or see you outside and away from a hateful person. I can understand your anger with your Dad about that and not protecting you
Lots of stuff to carry around, and I'm really sorry.Very much hoping tomorrow is more gentle on you.
Hi BG,
The situation with your dad sounds so painful. What your T said about "if you ever want to see your dad again"--that must have been so hard to hear. It would have dropped me. I can understand the intensity of emotion and grief!
I think it's OK if you feel a little pissed at T even though you know that he wasn't trying to set you off on purpose. It hurts.
I hope you do feel better tomorrow. I usually have a really hard time after sessions. Probably you will at least feel a little less shaky.
Take care.
Quell
The situation with your dad sounds so painful. What your T said about "if you ever want to see your dad again"--that must have been so hard to hear. It would have dropped me. I can understand the intensity of emotion and grief!
I think it's OK if you feel a little pissed at T even though you know that he wasn't trying to set you off on purpose. It hurts.
I hope you do feel better tomorrow. I usually have a really hard time after sessions. Probably you will at least feel a little less shaky.
Take care.
Quell
BG,
Wow, that sounds really rough. I can see why his comment really upset you. I can understand why you would feel angry about it. After all, he isn't the one that has to endure the abusive step-mother. I wonder if he was asking which is the lesser of two evils. Not seeing your dad again or putting up with moments of abuse in order to see him. I would feel really stuck with that question as well.
I'm sorry that you are going through this with you dad and that the session with T was so upsetting.
Wow, that sounds really rough. I can see why his comment really upset you. I can understand why you would feel angry about it. After all, he isn't the one that has to endure the abusive step-mother. I wonder if he was asking which is the lesser of two evils. Not seeing your dad again or putting up with moments of abuse in order to see him. I would feel really stuck with that question as well.
I'm sorry that you are going through this with you dad and that the session with T was so upsetting.
(((BG))))
That was a rough session and there is very little that is an painful as coming to terms with our parents' inability to put us first or be someone with whom we could have the relationship we long for. It's understandable that it was so difficult and left you feeling so drained.
I also understand being angry at your T (loved what you said to your husband
) but I also know how solid the relationship is between you and him and how skilled a T he is. My guess is that if he was pushing you that hard 1) He thought it was necessary 2) He knew you were in a place and had the strength that he could push you that hard. Don't get me wrong, it's still fine, and understandable, that your pissed but I think your instinct to believe that he was acting out of care for you is good one.
The best part is that I know you can go back in and tell him how you felt about what he did and work it out.
I'm sorry about your father, you shouldn't have to work this hard at the relationship or have to chose between being estranged or abused.
AG
That was a rough session and there is very little that is an painful as coming to terms with our parents' inability to put us first or be someone with whom we could have the relationship we long for. It's understandable that it was so difficult and left you feeling so drained.
I also understand being angry at your T (loved what you said to your husband
) but I also know how solid the relationship is between you and him and how skilled a T he is. My guess is that if he was pushing you that hard 1) He thought it was necessary 2) He knew you were in a place and had the strength that he could push you that hard. Don't get me wrong, it's still fine, and understandable, that your pissed but I think your instinct to believe that he was acting out of care for you is good one. The best part is that I know you can go back in and tell him how you felt about what he did and work it out.
I'm sorry about your father, you shouldn't have to work this hard at the relationship or have to chose between being estranged or abused.
AG
quote:Which sucks.
((((BG))))) Sucks beyond belief. It has been really painful for me to come to grips with this truth about my mother. That the reason I kept getting hurt was that I kept going back hoping she would be different and respond differently. It was a grief to let go of ever having her be the person I wanted her to be or even being a person I could have a better relationship with. But oddly enough, once I faced that and accepted that, it actually has become less painful to interact with her.
But I want to pass something on to you that my T said to me. I was talking about learning to do this, learning to see my mother more clearly and let go of my expectations and desires for her to be different or at least realize they were impossible. And I said to him "it will take some work, but I'll find my balance with her" which was very much me coming to grips with reality. And I will never forget his voice when my T said to me "yes, but you're not supposed to have had to find your balance with your mother." It hurts. A lot.
I am glad to know that while you cannot get what you need from your father, that you have built a loving family for yourself to be part of. But that doesn't make us miss a loving mom or dad any less.
AG