X
Original Post
Replies sorted oldest to newest
(((AH))) I'm sorry you're in distress this evening.
We haven't met yet; I haven't been posting lately because of a heavy workload. But I wanted to respond and offer some support, because I can really relate to the fear you're struggling with (including the horror of having just asked for an appointment that I'm terrified to attend!) You are definitely making sense to me.
Do you hold back from crying? Or are you unable to get the tears to flow even when you're willing? I know that I tend to go silent if saying the words...could mean tears, because I DON'T want to break down in front of T. So maybe getting the words out is more important than eye contact or anything else? Do you think you'll be able to speak?
Confronting old memories you'd rather forget is tough work. I hope your T will be able to gently guide you through this breakthrough moment and help you restabilize. I know that my "emergency" (specially requested) appointments tend to actually go better than the regular ones, because T knows I'm in crisis, and I've already "admitted" it by asking for the extra appointment, so I can't find any way to escape talking about the big, scary topic that I would normally find a thousand ways to avoid!
This is how all important work begins...with some fear and doubt...and the courage to go through with it anyway. You can do this, AH. I've seen your posts supporting others; you have the strength to admit your fear and move forward in spite of it.
Best of luck to you (and a traditional rabbit's foot for luck as well)
RabbitEars
We haven't met yet; I haven't been posting lately because of a heavy workload. But I wanted to respond and offer some support, because I can really relate to the fear you're struggling with (including the horror of having just asked for an appointment that I'm terrified to attend!) You are definitely making sense to me.
quote:This is a T I can't even cry in front of and can't maintain eye contact with.
Do you hold back from crying? Or are you unable to get the tears to flow even when you're willing? I know that I tend to go silent if saying the words...could mean tears, because I DON'T want to break down in front of T. So maybe getting the words out is more important than eye contact or anything else? Do you think you'll be able to speak?
Confronting old memories you'd rather forget is tough work. I hope your T will be able to gently guide you through this breakthrough moment and help you restabilize. I know that my "emergency" (specially requested) appointments tend to actually go better than the regular ones, because T knows I'm in crisis, and I've already "admitted" it by asking for the extra appointment, so I can't find any way to escape talking about the big, scary topic that I would normally find a thousand ways to avoid!
quote:I don't know if I'm ready...
This is how all important work begins...with some fear and doubt...and the courage to go through with it anyway. You can do this, AH. I've seen your posts supporting others; you have the strength to admit your fear and move forward in spite of it.
Best of luck to you (and a traditional rabbit's foot for luck as well)
RabbitEars
Hey Ah seems to me the first thing you need is to try to lower your intense anxiety. Can you take soothing bath or simply do some deep breathing?
Keep in mind that your T wants to help you. He or she does not want to cause you harm or judge you. They want to help you through this. Take it easy on yourself. Even if you decide tomorrow that you can't or don't want to talk about it that is okay. It's okay that you asked for an sooner apt. Your T can take care of herself or himself. Just try to comfort yourself like you would comfort a friend in a similiar situation.
Keep in mind that your T wants to help you. He or she does not want to cause you harm or judge you. They want to help you through this. Take it easy on yourself. Even if you decide tomorrow that you can't or don't want to talk about it that is okay. It's okay that you asked for an sooner apt. Your T can take care of herself or himself. Just try to comfort yourself like you would comfort a friend in a similiar situation.
AH...if I can offer my thoughts, I think your mind is probably at the stage it can handle bringing the memory to the forefront. It knows you can deal with it now. The part that s*cks is feeling the emotions like it's "re-happening" again now. But, it's not.
When I'm processing and physically experiencing sensations in different places in my body and hyperventilating, with tears and snot running down my face, my T very gently tells me at the end that it's the adult Kid that's here to help li'l one now. I won't die from my emotions, no matter how strong and intense they get. Part of the reason the feelings and sensations are so intense is because they're as a result of trauma. Those are the hardest to deal with...but you can't...and won't...die from them.
You're in my thoughts as you go thru this very courageous and brave step.
The Kid
When I'm processing and physically experiencing sensations in different places in my body and hyperventilating, with tears and snot running down my face, my T very gently tells me at the end that it's the adult Kid that's here to help li'l one now. I won't die from my emotions, no matter how strong and intense they get. Part of the reason the feelings and sensations are so intense is because they're as a result of trauma. Those are the hardest to deal with...but you can't...and won't...die from them.
You're in my thoughts as you go thru this very courageous and brave step.
The Kid
hi AH... you are being very brave to tackle all of this and then to request an emergency session. Asking for what we need is so very difficult. I don't think you need to put additional pressure on yourself to go deeper into the memory. You can use today's session for containment. It seems that you left your last session uncontained (no one's fault, you probably didn't realize it until after you left). I see my T twice a week and it seems to work out that we do heavy work one day and then contain it in the next session.
I also very much agree with TK that if the memory is close to the surface and you have begun to talk about it then it usually means that you can handle it. Things seem to rise when we are ready to deal with them and process them with our T. And you need to tell yourself that you already survived the worst of it and now you are just sharing "information" with your T. My T tells me this. He says that the difficult stuff that I have such a problem with telling him is just information he needs to help me through it. It does not change who I am, nor does it change our relationship or what he feels about me. It may be scary but it's not dangerous and there is a difference. It may be painful but it won't kill your OR overwhelm your T.
One step at a time. Let us know how it goes.
TN
I also very much agree with TK that if the memory is close to the surface and you have begun to talk about it then it usually means that you can handle it. Things seem to rise when we are ready to deal with them and process them with our T. And you need to tell yourself that you already survived the worst of it and now you are just sharing "information" with your T. My T tells me this. He says that the difficult stuff that I have such a problem with telling him is just information he needs to help me through it. It does not change who I am, nor does it change our relationship or what he feels about me. It may be scary but it's not dangerous and there is a difference. It may be painful but it won't kill your OR overwhelm your T.
One step at a time. Let us know how it goes.
TN
Thinking of you this morning, AH. I hope you're feeling a little calmer. Great advice above....Sometimes acknowledging the memory & fear is enough work; you might find that just sitting with your T will be enough for today. I hope you'll find some comfort and calm before, during, and/or after your session.
(((AH)))
RabbitEars
(((AH)))
RabbitEars
AH, can I just say... I'm in awe of your courage. I've been seeing my T for many years and have never done anything as difficult as you just did.
(((AH))))
RabbitEars
(((AH))))RabbitEars
Hi AH...even though I had retched session with T yesterday and feel like I've been run over by the proverbial truck (which then backed up to catch the spots it missed the first time), I just wanted to send you a cyber hug.
The Kid
The Kid