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Draggers - thanks so much for the link. That was a helpful article.
MsC - Dissociation is scary, especially since we can't really control it. I do it often in session. When it happens, T will gently say something like "Are you making your grocery list? You look like it" or something like that. It usually snaps me out of it or at least brings my attention to it. We'll either do some grounding exercises right then or we'll switch topics and talk about something more light hearted. I've started to see it as my body telling me I'm not ready to talk about it and being gentle with myself. For months, I couldn't talk about painful things for more than a few minutes a session. Sometimes our trauma is so severe it does take most of the session to just ground. But it has gotten much better over time. Being able to stay present is the work of therapy and re-learning how to be with another without disassociating is hard, but worth the work. I feel like I constantly grounding myself throughout the day with mindfulness exercises.
PF
MsC - Dissociation is scary, especially since we can't really control it. I do it often in session. When it happens, T will gently say something like "Are you making your grocery list? You look like it" or something like that. It usually snaps me out of it or at least brings my attention to it. We'll either do some grounding exercises right then or we'll switch topics and talk about something more light hearted. I've started to see it as my body telling me I'm not ready to talk about it and being gentle with myself. For months, I couldn't talk about painful things for more than a few minutes a session. Sometimes our trauma is so severe it does take most of the session to just ground. But it has gotten much better over time. Being able to stay present is the work of therapy and re-learning how to be with another without disassociating is hard, but worth the work. I feel like I constantly grounding myself throughout the day with mindfulness exercises.
PF
Hi MsC,
I can't say that I've personally experienced a situation where I dissociate (at least none that I'm aware of) but I can see how unsettling an experience like that would be. I know how uncomfortable you are about talking to your T about it but I hope you will at least keep the possibility open. You could even present it as "This isn't something I want to talk about, but I want you to know that sometimes when I'm here I dissociate" and leave it at that. I think keeping your T on the same page will better help them to help you. Just a suggestion...
LongRoad
PS: I hope you got my PM.
I can't say that I've personally experienced a situation where I dissociate (at least none that I'm aware of) but I can see how unsettling an experience like that would be. I know how uncomfortable you are about talking to your T about it but I hope you will at least keep the possibility open. You could even present it as "This isn't something I want to talk about, but I want you to know that sometimes when I'm here I dissociate" and leave it at that. I think keeping your T on the same page will better help them to help you. Just a suggestion...
LongRoad
PS: I hope you got my PM.
Hi
I dissociate and it varies in intensity and speed. Sometimes I can feel it coming and ground myself (rare though). I also do full on switches and that too varies as to how much I am aware of what is happening. It is lightening fast though and not controllable (at least not for me, at the moment).
The trouble is, it seems for me, that the trauma is held inside of dissociated parts of myself (if that makes any sense). It can feel like none of that stuff happened to 'me' - as in the me typing now, the me that is an adult with a job and family. It feels very far off at times. But the force of the memory and worse, far worse, the feelings that kind of explode out of me from parts or dissociative episodes in therapy is huge. And, as I am mostly able to remember (but not always), I often feel a sort of adult vicarious shock at what is inside of me in terms of stored experience. Hard to describe really. I guess I'm saying that I'm often sort of removed from the reality of my experiences, even though I kind of know what happened to me (ish).
Additionally I am a times very 'spaced out'. Again this varies. It's bad at the moment. I have conversations I have no recollection of. I get headache (I've got one now). I feel disconnected. I think it's kind of a derealization thing? And I'm wondering if I'm rapid switching (in that I can't remember what I've said or been told). I can feel irritable in this state. It's triggered by stress. Others, who know me, do notice and do know.
SB
I dissociate and it varies in intensity and speed. Sometimes I can feel it coming and ground myself (rare though). I also do full on switches and that too varies as to how much I am aware of what is happening. It is lightening fast though and not controllable (at least not for me, at the moment).
The trouble is, it seems for me, that the trauma is held inside of dissociated parts of myself (if that makes any sense). It can feel like none of that stuff happened to 'me' - as in the me typing now, the me that is an adult with a job and family. It feels very far off at times. But the force of the memory and worse, far worse, the feelings that kind of explode out of me from parts or dissociative episodes in therapy is huge. And, as I am mostly able to remember (but not always), I often feel a sort of adult vicarious shock at what is inside of me in terms of stored experience. Hard to describe really. I guess I'm saying that I'm often sort of removed from the reality of my experiences, even though I kind of know what happened to me (ish).
Additionally I am a times very 'spaced out'. Again this varies. It's bad at the moment. I have conversations I have no recollection of. I get headache (I've got one now). I feel disconnected. I think it's kind of a derealization thing? And I'm wondering if I'm rapid switching (in that I can't remember what I've said or been told). I can feel irritable in this state. It's triggered by stress. Others, who know me, do notice and do know.
SB