x
Original Post
Replies sorted oldest to newest
Oh Deepfried- its good that you vent here! I hear you- and i am sorry this visit is causing you so much worries and angst...18 hours you say, do you know why you`re getting so triggered by this visit? Who is comming?
Hope your therapy hours will manage to help you get throguh all this, and maybe help you answer those questions that have arised within you now..i dont think your insane at all. And you should not shut your moutn- in fact; telling about this here, (and maybe in your next therapy session) and let it all out is the best thing you can do right now. Its ok. Looks to me, as its the fear-voice within you that speaks loudly now.
Be gentle with yourself! Its ok to be scared, and keep venting here if it helps!
Hope your therapy hours will manage to help you get throguh all this, and maybe help you answer those questions that have arised within you now..i dont think your insane at all. And you should not shut your moutn- in fact; telling about this here, (and maybe in your next therapy session) and let it all out is the best thing you can do right now. Its ok. Looks to me, as its the fear-voice within you that speaks loudly now.
Be gentle with yourself! Its ok to be scared, and keep venting here if it helps!
Hi Deepfried,
You sound like you're scared.
I know it's not fun to feel that way, but I am so glad that you have the strength and courage to admit that you are feeling that way. And you're right, I think that feeling scared in NO way indicates that you are not ready and able to handle what you fear. Courage, by definition, is going forward when you're scared. You can't be courageous if you're not scared. And I know how much my family of origin can scare me, so I for one, find it perfectly understandable. I also implicitly believe in your ability to get through this and take care of yourself. What you said here was so very clear and well thought out, you are prepared for this.
I did want to comment about the difference between those situations. I understand your confusion, but I think it's the lack of context that is causing the confusion. When you face a presentation at work, you are entering a situation in which your adult skills and resources are very present, and your memories of previous presentations are that despite the nervousness you were able to perform well, so it's relatively easy to step back from your feelings of nervousness and know the truth of the situation which is that you are more than capable of doing what you need to do. You recognize your fears for what they are, feelings but not reality.
On the (huge!) other hand, when faced with your family of origin, what is getting triggered is a time in which you really couldn't handle what was going on and did not have the resources or power to handle these very same people and keep yourself safe. Now that is no longer true, but you don't have the experience to be able to trust that on an emotional level. And the very feelings that get triggered can also make you feel cut off from the very real resources you've developed. And wanting to just keep your mouth shut? Again, in this situation, you experienced your needs not being met. Why speak up again only to be disappointed again? I hope that speaking here provides a new experience in that area. So I think its awesome, and a very real sign of growth that you are questioning your fears. They should be questioned, because the truth is, you are very capable of facing this and taking care of yourself now. But it's also very true that your anxiety and fear are reasonable based on your experience.
((((((DF)))))))) Good luck and Godspeed. Let us know how it goes.
AG
You sound like you're scared.
I know it's not fun to feel that way, but I am so glad that you have the strength and courage to admit that you are feeling that way. And you're right, I think that feeling scared in NO way indicates that you are not ready and able to handle what you fear. Courage, by definition, is going forward when you're scared. You can't be courageous if you're not scared. And I know how much my family of origin can scare me, so I for one, find it perfectly understandable. I also implicitly believe in your ability to get through this and take care of yourself. What you said here was so very clear and well thought out, you are prepared for this.quote:Am I insane or do other people ever feel prepared and strong and confident yet also scared. Doesn't this happen at work with presentations and stuff?? Why does it not "count" when it comes to emotional suffering? Why do I feel like if I'm prepared I should just shut my mouth about being afraid??
I did want to comment about the difference between those situations. I understand your confusion, but I think it's the lack of context that is causing the confusion. When you face a presentation at work, you are entering a situation in which your adult skills and resources are very present, and your memories of previous presentations are that despite the nervousness you were able to perform well, so it's relatively easy to step back from your feelings of nervousness and know the truth of the situation which is that you are more than capable of doing what you need to do. You recognize your fears for what they are, feelings but not reality.
On the (huge!) other hand, when faced with your family of origin, what is getting triggered is a time in which you really couldn't handle what was going on and did not have the resources or power to handle these very same people and keep yourself safe. Now that is no longer true, but you don't have the experience to be able to trust that on an emotional level. And the very feelings that get triggered can also make you feel cut off from the very real resources you've developed. And wanting to just keep your mouth shut? Again, in this situation, you experienced your needs not being met. Why speak up again only to be disappointed again? I hope that speaking here provides a new experience in that area. So I think its awesome, and a very real sign of growth that you are questioning your fears. They should be questioned, because the truth is, you are very capable of facing this and taking care of yourself now. But it's also very true that your anxiety and fear are reasonable based on your experience.
((((((DF)))))))) Good luck and Godspeed. Let us know how it goes.
AG
Hi, DF...I think it's perfectly reasonable and natural and normal that you should feel afraid, yet capable of handling that fear and the situation without becoming powerless. I don't really understand what is happening with your T saying it's just the meds..anything that you are doing to cope, including taking your meds, is stuff that *you* DF are choosing to do to have the resources available that you need to cope with this stressful situation...so just because meds might help with some of the overpowering emotions, doesn't mean that the power is taken away from you...you are a strong and capable woman and it is clear that even if you didn't take meds, you would find ways to deal with and not let your reasonable fear overcome you. It's just that this is *one* of the weapons *you* happen to have decided to use in your battle.
Yes, it is ok to be afraid, too, though, and no weakness- and I understand and appreciate the need to have someone understand and be with you in your emotions! Of course...The other thing I wanted to comment on, was your T's comment that is bothering you so much, about that she is "surprised that you hadn't quit (therapy, I'm assuming?) yet." My T once made a similar comment to me...it can be taken in two ways...one of the ways that it can be taken, is that the T is admiring your courage in persevering in therapy in spite of trememdous obstacles. I tend to think this is probably the way your T (and mine) meant that comment. But of course, it could be taken the other way, that the T thinks you are weak somehow or they would have expected us to quit because that's the kind of person we are. I reeeealy do not think that your T (or mine) meant it this way. Rather, probably she meant: "I am surprised (gratified) by your tremendous courage in not quitting, considering what you are dealing with, so far, because it takes a lot of guts most people wouldn't have, to continue" I think it is your level of gutsy-ness that is surprising, not that she would have expected you yourself, to have quit. Does that make any sense or help at all? Of course, let me know if I am toally off base here. And If you haven't already, I think it would be really reasonable to ask for clarification on that comment.
I really, really am crossing my fingers that you will be able to get all your emotions out there and get the support that you need before this visit... but if not, it's ok, too, DF...not a failure, just, try another time...if that makes sense? But, difficult if you weren't able to get the support tool into your arsenal before the visit...but you'll manage even if not. We are here, thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way...
Let us know how you are doing today, if you get the chance!
Love,
Beebs
Yes, it is ok to be afraid, too, though, and no weakness- and I understand and appreciate the need to have someone understand and be with you in your emotions! Of course...The other thing I wanted to comment on, was your T's comment that is bothering you so much, about that she is "surprised that you hadn't quit (therapy, I'm assuming?) yet." My T once made a similar comment to me...it can be taken in two ways...one of the ways that it can be taken, is that the T is admiring your courage in persevering in therapy in spite of trememdous obstacles. I tend to think this is probably the way your T (and mine) meant that comment. But of course, it could be taken the other way, that the T thinks you are weak somehow or they would have expected us to quit because that's the kind of person we are. I reeeealy do not think that your T (or mine) meant it this way. Rather, probably she meant: "I am surprised (gratified) by your tremendous courage in not quitting, considering what you are dealing with, so far, because it takes a lot of guts most people wouldn't have, to continue" I think it is your level of gutsy-ness that is surprising, not that she would have expected you yourself, to have quit. Does that make any sense or help at all? Of course, let me know if I am toally off base here. And If you haven't already, I think it would be really reasonable to ask for clarification on that comment.
I really, really am crossing my fingers that you will be able to get all your emotions out there and get the support that you need before this visit... but if not, it's ok, too, DF...not a failure, just, try another time...if that makes sense? But, difficult if you weren't able to get the support tool into your arsenal before the visit...but you'll manage even if not. We are here, thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way...
Let us know how you are doing today, if you get the chance!
Love,
Beebs
quote:My 2h T session starts soon. So weird to have such long T time.
Ah...Deepfried...I hope all goes well in your sesssion and I would LOVE (may I repeat myself?)LOVE to have a 2 h T session!
Also, I know it is so hard....but I think it is really important to try and just be ok with whatever emotions are presenting themselves. I've realized (took me a damn long time) that being scared is OK. And most of the time if I can let the fear settle in a bit without trying to ward it off, it is ok...I don't know how else to describe it. It doesn't feel good...not like feelings of joy, comfort, safety, but I realize that the trying to escape it, run from it, fight it tends to make it far worse for me than if I just admit and accept that I'm fearful and let it go at that. Believe me, easier said than done I know....but just keep doing the best you can. The other thing that we sometimes forget is in trying to do the best you can, realize that your best can change from day to day. So on a day where there is more "emotional stuff" going on your best may not look the same as the days where everything clicks along without issue. Be gentle with yourself as you try to deal with all of the fear. Thinking of you and hope all turns out ok...Hals
DF,
Sorry, I can't sit and type for long, but wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. I'm glad that your T session went well and hope you are coping ok. (((hugs)))
Sorry, I can't sit and type for long, but wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. I'm glad that your T session went well and hope you are coping ok. (((hugs)))
Aw, DF...I remember reading about that reaction of your T before. I am sorry I forgot. I can't understand that it would be "to protect herself..." WTF???
anyway...I hope you are errr...kind of enjoying...err...something? Thanksgiving. today, I am battling whether or not I should "call home." I know one of either two things: Option 1. Everyone in Christendom is there, I mean large amounts of unhappy people, my siblings (many) and neices and nephews, drinking waaaay too much, and won't want to talk to me- or my kids- but will: "just to be polite." Option 2. *No one* is there, and my mom is home behind closed doors, shades drawn, isolating and "praying."
I'm not sure I want to find out which one it is. To call or not to call...that is the question.
hope you are surviving.
anyway...I hope you are errr...kind of enjoying...err...something? Thanksgiving. today, I am battling whether or not I should "call home." I know one of either two things: Option 1. Everyone in Christendom is there, I mean large amounts of unhappy people, my siblings (many) and neices and nephews, drinking waaaay too much, and won't want to talk to me- or my kids- but will: "just to be polite." Option 2. *No one* is there, and my mom is home behind closed doors, shades drawn, isolating and "praying."
I'm not sure I want to find out which one it is. To call or not to call...that is the question.
hope you are surviving.
I called them but they wouldn't bother to answer the phone...at either potential number..I wonder if I am relieved?
Hm, DF. I am really really sorry to hear that your parents are like that. Good on you for surviving, and with such a beautiful intelligence and spirit.
I wonder if you can say something like what you say above. I'm imagining a conversation where you let her know that you understand this is paranoia, and there are problems with paranoia, but that you also understand this particular paranoia is a direct product of the way you were brought up. It's not random, it's about them and their reach into your life, and also about working out the deeper issues of trust with her. Let her know that you know meds would be one way to treat this, but you'd like to explore some other options, because you feel like there could be ways to address your fears and the sources of your fears through talking with her, even though you're scared to bring it up.
It seems to me like you should have the option to explore this path, you know?
xxJones
I wonder if you can say something like what you say above. I'm imagining a conversation where you let her know that you understand this is paranoia, and there are problems with paranoia, but that you also understand this particular paranoia is a direct product of the way you were brought up. It's not random, it's about them and their reach into your life, and also about working out the deeper issues of trust with her. Let her know that you know meds would be one way to treat this, but you'd like to explore some other options, because you feel like there could be ways to address your fears and the sources of your fears through talking with her, even though you're scared to bring it up.
It seems to me like you should have the option to explore this path, you know?
xxJones