LG, My last therapist used to cry on demand too. I always found it a little disconcerting. I am like you. I cannot cry. Maybe she is modelling for you? Can you ask her why she cries?

My T has never cried, but I've only been in therapy for six months. I can't cry either. Any time I start to get emotional enough that it might be a possibility around him, I dissociate and go kind of blank, having no thoughts or feelings about anything that we're talking about at the time. He asks me what I'm thinking and it's literally nothing at all. He asks me if I understood what he said and I can't describe it. He repeats it and I remember him having said it, but not having taken it in enough to even paraphrase. It's so irritating!

I "get" having thoughts about being manipulated. I have been wondering that about certain behaviors, if T is trying to produce certain reactions or redirect my behavior by acting a certain way. I'm very sensitive to feeling manipulated, so I'd like him to just be transparent and natural with me, as much as appropriate boundaries would allow.

I would probably feel startled and guilty if something I said made him cry, especially because he's a guy and my father and husband are both very analytical, not emotional expressive.

LG, I cannot say I've been in that situation. My T has never cried in my presence, at least not about anything related to me or my experiences. The closest she came was once she got choked up talking about another client, which brought up feelings of jealousy on my part. I think she was embarrassed about nearly losing control, because she quickly recovered and then we both pretended like it didn't happen. However, I can imagine that if she were to cry openly then I might suspect manipulation. But then, I usually second-guess T's motivations about everything. That wasn't very helpful now, was it?

I am thinking of questions you could ask yourself to sort this out, like, Does T ever cry when talking about something she has disclosed? Probably not, because I think I recall you saying that T2 doesn't self-disclose much. Or am I getting confused and it was T1 who doesn't do that? Hmmm. Regardless, do you think T2 overdoes her reactions? Is she really dramatic about it? I think it is so hard to be objective about these things. It is possible it could be sincere empathic responses.

I think some T's view their own crying as an inappropriate show of emotion, like a boundary crossing of some sort. I don't know if I agree or not, having not experienced both sides. What do you think?

LG, So funny you made the analogy to feeling like a puppet on a strong. I've always felt that way about therapy. I've always accused this T of manipulating me. Though at the end of the day, I guess they are really trying to help us. But they're pulling at emotions I just don't want exposed. It hurts too much.

Even though I have four kids now, I did go through a period of infertility after my first child. My H and I went for testing and he had surgery to fix a varicose vein in his testicle. (The theory is the heat of the vein kills the sperm.) I wasn't always ovulating. I went to Resolve meetings, which are for people experiencing infertility. If anyone had told me then that I would wind up with four children, I would have told them that they were crazy.

Hi LG... I really don't think you are being manipulated. I just think she cares about you and was saddened by your suffering. My T again told me today that there are TWO of us in this relationship and he does not get a dispensation on having feelings. Or on being affected by our relationship. My oldT used to cry often with me and I found it validating. Like he could understand because he felt what I did. It made me feel closer to him.

I am sorry to hear about your brother. Watching someone go through a long and terminal illness is such a tragic and difficult experience. I hope you can find some comfort here.

TN

I'm sorry that this is so hard for you. My T has cried before and I also found it incredibly difficult. I cannot cry and to see him tear up was really challenging for me. I imagine that your T cares for you deeply and is feeling pain. I think it's worth asking if this is a soft spot or if she has personal experience with this issue.