I think It’s fine to still bring up “the s word” on OF, as long as there is a warning that that’s what's going to be talked about, so people can choose what they want to read. If you are uncomfortable posting on the open forum, there’s also the Intimate Discussions section that’s more private.

I’m sorry to hear what happened in college, and that it’s still affecting you now. Other than that, I don’t have any helpful tips or tricks that might help you feel more comfortable with talking about sex, I do totally understand everything your sayings, it’s just hasn’t been hard for me. I hope someone else has something that could help!!

I'm sure your T doesn't think you are a freak. It is not easy for many of us to talk about sex. However, I am almost positive that your T is willing to talk about sex probably your T is following your lead about the topic. T knows about the rape and isn't pushing you to talk about something that is potentially a sensitive, difficult topic or one that you don't feel like is an ongoing concern. I think you just start by talking, as little or as much as you want. Maybe you could say I want to talk about sex but I find it so uncomfortable.

I can relate to your sex with rules comment. I was sexually abused as a child and I also limit activities because I'm afraid of triggers. I have started to speak to my T about it and I still struggle. For a while this summer the triggers and flashbacks were much worse and I wasn't able to have sex and stay in the present at all so in some ways sex with rules is a positive.

Lastly Intimate Discussions is a more hidden forum that was started this summer. It doesn't get a lot of traffic in part because it is so difficult to talk about sex. You could pm Shrinklady and ask if you could be added to the forum.

good luck talking to your T.

Blanket Girl, firstly; creds to you for bringing this up here. I concider that as a first step towards bringing it up with T. (at least thats how it usually works for me these days..) I know; that would be (too) emberrassing, yet its clearly from what you wrote here that this is a subject that you would like to talk about, .. And thats very understandable both due to your history and your precent issues. Just wondering; doesnt your T know about the rape? If not, i would think this is important info to talk about..? (sory if this is old info that i have missed!)

Yeah,how do you bring this up..? Good question. I am temtet to say, that you know best. But, since you ask: This is how i would proceed, by slowly manouvre the conversation into the subject, without being too directly at first, so that maybe your T would ask the needed "follow-up" questions..?
I dont think its weird that you havent talked to T about sex at all. despite the "Myth" that "therapy is all about adressing sex-issues" i strongly doubt that most patient talk about this alot.. at least not before a year or two. THis subject is indeed a very private sphere in a persons life and it takes alot of trust and safity to bring it up in therapy, i guess. No wonder why..
Looks like you`re on your way though, and thats great IMP! I am not there yet, but i bet its just around the corner-

Hi Blanket Girl
Did you just delete a post? I hope you're okay!!
Morgs

Hi BG - I don’t seem to get to post to you much so just wanted to drop in to this thread with a quick hello (hello!) and to say about the ‘s’ word, that you’re being pretty brave with what you’ve started already! For me it’s hard enough talking about sex full-stop, never mind with a MALE T - so good for you for getting the courage to think about broaching the subject with him.

(I’m assuming that simply because it’s on your mind that you are posting about it, you’re getting pretty close to opening up to him a bit about it?)

I’m also really sorry about what happened to you - you’ve probably been told this a zillion times, but NO WAY no matter what you ‘did’ or how you dressed or acted, does that make it AT ALL your fault that you were assaulted. Though I can understand completely why you still harbour self blame.

I hope you are able to start talking more openly with T about this, especially considering you are thinking of doing something as drastic as altering your body shape as a result of how you feel about things.

Wish I could offer some advice or more understanding - but this is one topic that I have problems with myself.

Sending you lots of support though

LL

Sorry BG - I must have got my wires crossed Morgs

Hiya, BG...I think you are very brave to be bringing this up with your T...good for you! Oh, I relate- I wish to be able to talk openly about the "s word" with my T, since it seems so crucial- and I have talked a bit about it, but never in any detail. Yet, somehow, getting his advice in this area, so calm and sweet, reassuring- has also been very healing for me, especially because he is a man, somehow...I can't explain it, I feel almost like a little girl with a loving daddy and no mommy, whose daddy has to explain the facts of life! Silly, maybe, but that is how I have experienced it, and he has not been at all uncomfortable, but speaks also from a very religious perspective on the subject which makes it easier in tolerating the discussion, since he is so careful about it, respectful, I guess.

Well, that is my experience, I find it a most difficult subject, but I wanted to stop by and say hi, and offer my support to you if I could! I hope so much that in discussing this with your T you will be able to find some healing from such a traumatic experience that was *not your fault.*

Love,
BB

Hi BG,
I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, except to tell you that I HATE talking about sex and am phenomenally uncomfortable about it. Considering my background, I have spent not that much time discussing it and the times I've pushed myself too have been quite ... squirmy.

My husband once brought up sex in a couples session and I honestly believe I broke the world's record for longest sustained blush. (It was also when I decided that I would really rather have the Universe cease to exist rather than hear the words "pleasure each other" come out of my therapists' mouth again. ) I know this isn't very helpful, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

Oh, and your T is neither bored to death nor is he ready to move on. (I really struggled with those beliefs the whole time I worked with my T!)

Hope you're able to go there.

AG

lol, this is so emberrassing and fun at the same time,(i am not as mature as you guys remember!) sorry if am unsympathetic here BG, just have to qote AG here, as i laughed out loud (i am on a cafe with lots of people around me- yeah, still distracting myself) here, when reading this one:

quote:

My husband once brought up sex in a couples session and I honestly believe I broke the world's record for longest sustained blush. (It was also when I decided that I would really rather have the Universe cease to exist rather than hear the words "pleasure each other" come out of my therapists' mouth again. )

quote:

It seriously cracks me up, as i can SO relate to the emberrassing, yet comic aspect of it. I too felt like i wanted to die (and all that stuff about wanting to dig a hole in the ground- thing) when my T started a s- speech once, started with something like: "its very common for..ehm..young people to have..hmm doubts about own sexuality..their body...ehm- wanting to exploore their(...)"

*blush*