I'm seeing T tomorrow. I wrote in free association for the first time this week. It came out so raw. I want to read it to her, but I am scared. There are things in there I don't think I will be able to say...even if it's written. I typically write and consider the words/way things come out. But this particular journal writing is the most emotionally raw thing my T will have hear from me thus far. I am scared. BUT, we connected so much last session that I feel safe/secure to let her in a little more.

Good luck to you, too, my friend!

I bring the 'book' with me to every session.

Usually when something has come up, or I'm having trouble getting something out, my T will ask me if I have anything written down.

Sometimes I read verbatim when it's something really hard... And if it's something even harder, I'll just pass it off to her and ask her to read it. She doesn't particularly enjoy doing this, but she will do from time to time when I ask.

I also use email as a journal entry of sorts... And my T and I have a general understanding that this is what my emails are usually about.

The way I see things...Is that if I've written them down in the book that I've specified to myself as 'for therapy', then I need to find a way to bring up the things in the book there.

Sometimes it simply takes me longer than others.

Hi Catalyst,

I have printed pages from my journal to bring to T several times. It's always been a good experience. He usually wants me to read it, and most times I do, but sometimes I just hand it over if I don't want to. It's almost always just a page or a little more than one page. For some reason, he remembers what I write very well. The first time I brought stuff in, he seemed excited and said that it was something that we could use as a sort of road map. He also once said that what I write is sometimes more clear to him more quickly than what I say.

I have never written him a letter or an e-mail. Yeah, the voice is different! It works for me. I think he kept some of my entries in my file, so think about whether you want to leave what you bring in there or take it home with you.

Sometimes I bring pages just in case, but end up not sharing them, so I end up carrying them back and forth for a while.

I hope it works for you.

Quell

It seems like a good idea...but scary, yeah. I used to keep a diary for awhile when in therapy with my old T, but I think I kept it with him in mind, sort of- so yeah, the voice was different. I can't have interest to keep a diary just for me, so I don't know really what that would look like! I bet you would have a really good session if you used something like that.

good luck, I hope it works out really well...

hug,

Beebs

I bring in some form of personal writing almost every session and started doing so quite early in my therapy. I definitely express myself much better through writing than verbally. Things that paralyze me with anxiety to improvise about come out easily when I can read them off a page; maybe I can detach from the anxiety that way, turn off the self-judgement to some extent, and just read. I've done stream-of-consciousness, regular journaling, and more structured writing exercises. I will bring in the most important things I want to share and read them to T. She's said my writing has been very helpful for her.

i journal pretty regularly and have shared some of what i think are the more "important" entries. he told me that they've been very helpful, so i think i'll start bringing them in more often. i also have a difficult time expressing myself verbally ... i freeze up and go blank alot.

Hi guys, thank you!

I talked to my T about this today. She suggested (because I said the content of what I'm writing is.. hard and I think it might be too much to process and walk in to so deeply without I don't know? warning her?) that if it's too personal to try writing it out as a story happening to someone else to provide some emotional distance. That didn't really sound appealing to me. So we ended up talking about if I can bring it in and try to highlight a little piece and get through that - we both know how much I enjoy goal setting so this seemed to work. Then it deteriorated in to... well I'll just bring it and see what I can do and that is challenge enough. She's thinking I could do some EMDR stuff while I read. I'm worried re: the subject matter but if I can't even communicate the subject I certainly can't communicate the content! So I'll have to 'lobster' it... just jump in. Maybe Monday...

For those of you that do read stuff in therapy how the heck do you make it make any sense? The second I read anything out loud that I've written that is emotional... I cry. I speak in front of lots of people all the time but my own emotional writing it's like... I can barely communicate because I just start crying and shaking. Think that means I'm not ready to share or it's just my "style"? Does it get easier?

discoveringme - Ah, I love free association! I do that a lot w/ singing, or painting... sometimes I can do it with writing. I hope you can read it to her someday, if you want to! I think the trust to open that space takes a really long time to build. I already know once I share it with my T I'll have to contend with not only shame, but trying not to take anger out on her (usually I will find something wrong with her after I'm vulnerable - it's a pattern lol).

NavyMe - that's impressive you bring a book, what a resource in your therapy! I'm envious. I use email as quasi-journaling too... but to my other T. Usually for this kind of stuff I like to at least start my verbal processing with T1 then work with T2. What's weird is I've NEVER read an email to T2 to T1. Maybe I should start there? But I relate to them differently. I can understand why your T would not be a fan of reading stuff herself I know my T is not big on reading stuff herself either. The only thing I read to her she said if I could get out ONE SENTENCE she would read the rest.. and that helped me to just read the whole thing. It was a poem though not processing.

Quell - I'm so glad it's been a good experience for you. And I understand about T wanting your to read. I wish I had the ability to write a page or make my thoughts brief I tend to ramble (if that hasn't been made clear by my posts here ). I really like that your T said your writing sometimes makes things more clear - that's the whole reason why I want to read this to T1 because it's everything I can't say. There is *NO WAY* I would leave it with my T for my file - she keeps everything. And she already has too much that I've given her. I hate it. Thanks for the heads up!

BB - It is really hard sometimes to keep a "just for me" diary. I know I did journal a LOT as a kid but I really only had my own head to talk to most of the time. Do you ever think you'll start one again? Thanks for the good wishes.

Joie - Ah you're like NavyMe!! I'm jealous of you guys that can bring something in every session. It's good you can read them off the page and have it flow so easily. I'm glad your T has given you feedback about how useful it's been... I hope my T would have similar feedback but I'm not sure.

closed doors - How did it go reading/sharing the most important stuff? I seem to freeze when I read.. I think. In person I can flow much better but I'm also not talking about what I need to.

Thanks everyone! I will update on Monday...