hi B2W. the people i tend to have transference issues with strong women who seem to trample or disregard others' feelings and who regard themselves superior to their "subjects". on the guy side it is strictly men in authoritarian type positions (teachers, doctors, shrinks, bosses). i'm not sure about the physical looks part, and now that i think about it i'm not even sure it's the "air" they exude. hmmm. you've got me thinking. i guess for me it really is just that they are in authoritative positions, cuz i've "suffered" transference with many an authoritative type, but of all different temperaments. i do go along with the feeling/energy that they have attached to them, but again now i'm wondering if that's even a part of the transference, that i'm projecting those vibes because that's what i'm expecting, if that makes any sense. good question. i'm going to have to noodle on this one some more ...

Yes... I always gravitate toward older women, maternal figures, you could say. I have repeated the pattern four or five times, and it's always the same. I am looking for someone who can be my "mom" in ways my own mother couldn't and can't be.

Interestingly enough with T there isn't nearly as much transference as their used to be. I think it's because the boundaries are so crystal clear and there is no flight risk, I can accept T for who T is, be ok with that.

Thanks for the responses. Sorry it has taken me a while to respond to you.

I hope that the other person who responded (you know who you are) and subsequently removed their post didn't do so because I failed to acknowledge them? I did read your post and smiled at how "batty" the attraction drives you.

Truth is I have just been busy and wrapped up in my own thoughts. I read your responses and am thankful for them. I can't really comment on them other than to say it is strange how some of us do tend to be drawn to particular traits/appearances etc. when it comes to transference.

My reason behind this was that I went to see a new T this week, and being in the same room with her I immediately knew I was never going to feel comfortable connecting with her, so I am not going back. The thing is I can't go around phoning therapists asking what they look like! How ridiculous! I was trying to figure out if there is something wrong with me when it comes to that, and why a particular look is related to how I feel, or if the look that I seem to be in search of is simply coincidental and it is really a case of the energy that they give off and not the look that they happen to have......LOONEY! Outside of transference I am not drawn to people by their looks so why does it feel like this is the case when it comes to therapy/trust/connection? No need to answer that.

Thanks again for your responses.

B2W

Aaawwww ((((Monte)))) there was nothing to be embarrassed about. I appreciated and understood what you wrote.



B2W

quote:

The thing is I can't go around phoning therapists asking what they look like

LOL, I did exactly that!!! I hadn't been in therapy for 45 years and wanted someone more my age, with lots of life experience, so asked if she was over 60 with grey hair!!! As soon as I met her, knew she was the one - beautiful lady with a lovely voice!! My pattern - looking for a real mother not the one I still have!!!

B2W - I have the EXACT same problem as you. When I briefly saw a new therapist when my Hubby and I moved away for a bit, I found her by searching on the internet for a particular "look". Of course I also read the reviews and such and took them into consideration, but really, it has to be a particular physical look for me as well. I don't know how to explain it, but they have to look gentle, kind, nuturing.... and pretty is a MUST! No male T's for me either. Now, trying to explain how someone can "look" nurturing is very...well sort of funny...when I think about it. I really can't explain it.
I don't really understand the physical traits part, but I do know that it has to be a female who is older than me b/c of course I am looking for that Mother figure to give me what I never got growing up.
Bleh...its all so nutty isn't it?!

Morgs: thats funny - phoning to see what they look like! Problem is I can't even understand why I am drawn to the particular look I am drawn to - at least you understand why you are drawn to that look.

Kmay: I look for someone of a similar age to me, +++ so if I had to ask for a particular look and a similar age I can only imagine what they would think of me!

B2W

(((B2W))))

I'm reading a book about the brain and thought about you. The book's title is Incognito. The author is David Eagleman.

"In a recent experiment, we asked men to rate how attractive they found photographs of women's faces. The photos were eight by ten inches, and showed women facing the camera or turned in three-quarter profile. Unbeknownst to the men, in about half of the photos the eyes of the women were dilated, and in the other half they were not. The men were more consistently attracted to the women with dilated eyes. Remarkably, the men had no insight into their decision making. None of them said, "I noticed her pupils were two millimeters larger in this photo than in this other one." Instead, they simply felt more drawn to some women than others, for reasons they couldn't quite put a finger on.

So who was doing the choosing? In the largely inaccessible workings of the brain, something knew that a woman's dilated eyes correlates with sexual excitement and readiness. Their brains knew this, but the men in the study didn't - at least not explicitly. The men may also not have known that their notions of beauty and feelings of attractions are deeply hardwired, steered in the right direction by programs carved by millions of years of natural selection."

Hey Liese,

Thanks for that! I remember watching something about that very same study on a documentary quite some time ago. Forgot all about that. Thanks for sharing.

B2W

Hey B2W, Maybe I will dilate my pupils before my session tomorrow. Just kidding!

It's strange I always thought my transference was toward a mother figure in my casual relationships it is.

I think what I was looking for was a Father. When I found someone like that it turn things upside down. When he stopped his practice,it was done.

I don't want to look anymore it not only hurts but feels dangerous.