What are your Ts 5 best qualities?
What are your Ts 5 "areas for improvement"?
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I love this idea! good one lg!
1. He will say that he is sorry or made a mistake in the most amazingly genuine way.
2. He trusts me that I know what’s best for me
3. He is so easily excited. About everything. About the fact that get out of bed, or pretty much just that I exist.
4. He has a very loving tone to his voice
5. He listens to my suggestions and will change or do pretty much anything differently if I think that it would help me.
1. The whole “fake-termination” thing
2. He is judgmental about my boyfriend (he says he just cares about me and worries about me being safe)
3. If I complain that he isnt understanding me he will give me a speech about how he’s a real person and “out there” people aren’t going to understand me all the time and sometimes I have to explain myself and it’s a good skill to learn
4. He has gorgeous hair that is very distracting
5. Sometimes he’s not very helpful on the phone, even though I know he has taken in what I’ve said, and he has really worked on how he talks to me on the phone.
1. He will say that he is sorry or made a mistake in the most amazingly genuine way.
2. He trusts me that I know what’s best for me
3. He is so easily excited. About everything. About the fact that get out of bed, or pretty much just that I exist.
4. He has a very loving tone to his voice
5. He listens to my suggestions and will change or do pretty much anything differently if I think that it would help me.
1. The whole “fake-termination” thing
2. He is judgmental about my boyfriend (he says he just cares about me and worries about me being safe)
3. If I complain that he isnt understanding me he will give me a speech about how he’s a real person and “out there” people aren’t going to understand me all the time and sometimes I have to explain myself and it’s a good skill to learn
4. He has gorgeous hair that is very distracting
5. Sometimes he’s not very helpful on the phone, even though I know he has taken in what I’ve said, and he has really worked on how he talks to me on the phone.
Good stuff:
1. Gentle/Kind
2. Humble (willing to admit mistakes; confident, but not arrogant, because his confidence is in how God is working through the process).
3. Available (reads long emails, texts, gives extra time as needed)
4. Steady (I know who I can expect him to be and have seen that I don't need to defend his boundaries for him, because I can't "run over" him with my neediness as I always worry I will do with people)
5. Honest/trusting (he is honest about how he thinks/feels when he reveals such things and as trusts me that I am not lying/exaggerating/overreacting, even though I always worry that he is thinking those things)
Improvements:
1. Inconsistent in scheduling/responding
2. Sometimes applies spiritual concepts as a panacea in a way that can feel invalidating.
3. Not transparent enough (will not define boundaries when I ask)
Um...really couldn't think of other things that bother me right now...other than him not wanting to sit on the floor with me anymore and I know that's about him trying to do what's best for me, even if I disagree.
1. Gentle/Kind
2. Humble (willing to admit mistakes; confident, but not arrogant, because his confidence is in how God is working through the process).
3. Available (reads long emails, texts, gives extra time as needed)
4. Steady (I know who I can expect him to be and have seen that I don't need to defend his boundaries for him, because I can't "run over" him with my neediness as I always worry I will do with people)
5. Honest/trusting (he is honest about how he thinks/feels when he reveals such things and as trusts me that I am not lying/exaggerating/overreacting, even though I always worry that he is thinking those things)
Improvements:
1. Inconsistent in scheduling/responding
2. Sometimes applies spiritual concepts as a panacea in a way that can feel invalidating.
3. Not transparent enough (will not define boundaries when I ask)
Um...really couldn't think of other things that bother me right now...other than him not wanting to sit on the floor with me anymore and I know that's about him trying to do what's best for me, even if I disagree.
5 Best Qualities: Gosh, I could do way more than 5!
1) She is nurturing
2) She has enough boundaries to be a really good T, but is loose enough with them to still be human.
3) She is very generous with her time
4) Nothing phases her
5) She is really good at tuning into me and picking up on what is going on even without me saying it
6) (sorry, had to do it!) She is always willing to try anything as long as it is safe.
5 Areas for Improvement: Probably some of this is me and not her. Can't think of 5!
1) Sometimes she can seem inconsistent. I think sometimes she forgets that she has said something until I bring it up.
2) She is sometimes inconsistent with out of session contact. Usually it isn't even her, but her phone. She has made progress in this area I think.
3) She can't be cloned or made into a human-like robot so that I wouldn't have to worry about infringing on her time and space.
1) She is nurturing
2) She has enough boundaries to be a really good T, but is loose enough with them to still be human.
3) She is very generous with her time
4) Nothing phases her
5) She is really good at tuning into me and picking up on what is going on even without me saying it
6) (sorry, had to do it!) She is always willing to try anything as long as it is safe.
5 Areas for Improvement: Probably some of this is me and not her. Can't think of 5!
1) Sometimes she can seem inconsistent. I think sometimes she forgets that she has said something until I bring it up.
2) She is sometimes inconsistent with out of session contact. Usually it isn't even her, but her phone. She has made progress in this area I think.
3) She can't be cloned or made into a human-like robot so that I wouldn't have to worry about infringing on her time and space.
I am fascinated by the fact that so many of us are having a difficult time coming up with 5 areas for improvement...yet we complain about our Ts so much! lol.
I guess deep down we must know that our complaints have a lot more to do with us than it has to do with them?
I guess deep down we must know that our complaints have a lot more to do with us than it has to do with them?
Definitely an interesting thread. And Mac, I laughed at your comment about your T's hair!!
Best qualities:
-She handles everything with grace, no matter what I tell her
-She's incredibly knowledgable about therapy, which makes it easy to trust in the process
-She is openly caring toward me and not afraid of touch
-She has a great sense of humor
-She's incredibly consistent
Improvements:
-Her phone has gone off a fair amount in session (and wouldn't you know that it's always at the worst times?), but in all honesty it really doesn't bother me
-Sometimes her obvious desire to stay away from labeling things kind of leaves me in the dark (although I could definitely just ask her and she'd probably tell me)
-This one is actually about her office: you can hear WAY too much through the walls and doors!!!
Best qualities:
-She handles everything with grace, no matter what I tell her
-She's incredibly knowledgable about therapy, which makes it easy to trust in the process
-She is openly caring toward me and not afraid of touch
-She has a great sense of humor
-She's incredibly consistent
Improvements:
-Her phone has gone off a fair amount in session (and wouldn't you know that it's always at the worst times?), but in all honesty it really doesn't bother me
-Sometimes her obvious desire to stay away from labeling things kind of leaves me in the dark (although I could definitely just ask her and she'd probably tell me)
-This one is actually about her office: you can hear WAY too much through the walls and doors!!!
Da Best:
1. Her laughter melts just about any ice I have built up
2. She holds very clear boundaries, which I so desperately need
3. Her space - from the waiting room to her office - everything is so calming, serene, peaceful
4. She knows exactly what I need to hear
5. Her humanness - she shares her self appropriately, of course, and apologizes if she makes mistakes
Improvements:
1. I really wish I had email contact with her (but the boundaries are really good as they are, I suppose)
2. She always seems to run five minutes late, and only tacks on 2-3 minutes, if any, every session
3. She has NO web presence - makes it tough for stalkers like me to learn more about her!
1. Her laughter melts just about any ice I have built up
2. She holds very clear boundaries, which I so desperately need
3. Her space - from the waiting room to her office - everything is so calming, serene, peaceful
4. She knows exactly what I need to hear
5. Her humanness - she shares her self appropriately, of course, and apologizes if she makes mistakes
Improvements:
1. I really wish I had email contact with her (but the boundaries are really good as they are, I suppose)
2. She always seems to run five minutes late, and only tacks on 2-3 minutes, if any, every session
3. She has NO web presence - makes it tough for stalkers like me to learn more about her!
quote:Originally posted by Room2Grow:
3. She has NO web presence - makes it tough for stalkers like me to learn more about her!
LOL. I could add this to my list of things about T2. She's no fun to stalk, but her daughter is more stalkable.
thank you, LG, i needed this as its exactly what's been tossing in my mind lately...
best qualities:
1. strong. strong enough to deal with anything (i don't know how to describe it but i felt a strength in her that i never really got from anyone, least of all my parents. maybe that's what got me hooked.)
2. professional, experienced, she knows her stuff and is confident in what she does
3. respectful and interested in me / her clients - as people
4. i don't know if i should say compassionate, she doesn't wear it on her sleeve but she did act in compassionate ways
5. intuitive
to improve:
1. her memory for factual things... but this doesn't bother me too much
2. patience (it could be me though and also my last T was much more patient and gentle)
3. again, this could be me, or my comparison to old T - she seems a bit detached and insensitive at times.
4. she has never called me by my name
5. where the f*&k are your tissues, woman?! not that i'm in a hurry to cry, but just in case, one needs to know where they are and i have scanned the room a few times and just could not see anything resembling a tissue box!
best qualities:
1. strong. strong enough to deal with anything (i don't know how to describe it but i felt a strength in her that i never really got from anyone, least of all my parents. maybe that's what got me hooked.)
2. professional, experienced, she knows her stuff and is confident in what she does
3. respectful and interested in me / her clients - as people
4. i don't know if i should say compassionate, she doesn't wear it on her sleeve but she did act in compassionate ways
5. intuitive
to improve:
1. her memory for factual things... but this doesn't bother me too much
2. patience (it could be me though and also my last T was much more patient and gentle)
3. again, this could be me, or my comparison to old T - she seems a bit detached and insensitive at times.
4. she has never called me by my name
5. where the f*&k are your tissues, woman?! not that i'm in a hurry to cry, but just in case, one needs to know where they are and i have scanned the room a few times and just could not see anything resembling a tissue box!
My T does forget factual stuff too, but I figure I give him SO much information, I could hardly expect otherwise.
Puppet - wow, a T without tissues in sight? I can't imagine it. I don't really cry enough to need them yet, but have had a cold/allergies, so I would think all Ts would keep them out in the open. My T *always* has a box of tissues and a box of tea out on the coffee table in his office. Very welcoming, if I didn't hate the coffee table (as a barrier) and his office in general.
Puppet - wow, a T without tissues in sight? I can't imagine it. I don't really cry enough to need them yet, but have had a cold/allergies, so I would think all Ts would keep them out in the open. My T *always* has a box of tissues and a box of tea out on the coffee table in his office. Very welcoming, if I didn't hate the coffee table (as a barrier) and his office in general.
hi yaku!
nice to see you and everyone again. i hid away for a while...
i was too embarrassed to ask about the tissues, thought they must be somewhere i just cant see them. not really as embarrassed as scared she will ask me if i'm going to cry and then maybe i would start to cry.
i have just called to make another appointment - i will make it my mission to find the tissues. hopefully its easier than where's wally
puppet
nice to see you and everyone again. i hid away for a while...
i was too embarrassed to ask about the tissues, thought they must be somewhere i just cant see them. not really as embarrassed as scared she will ask me if i'm going to cry and then maybe i would start to cry.
i have just called to make another appointment - i will make it my mission to find the tissues. hopefully its easier than where's wally
puppet
I wonder if she just pays attention that someone NEEDS a tissue and then brings them out? It seems really strange that they wouldn't be within easy view/reach. That would probably prompt me to stock my pockets just in case. I have an extremely difficult time crying in front of others...my crying is so mild that T couldn't even tell when I did it. 
So, to have to ASK for tissues would be really scary.
So, to have to ASK for tissues would be really scary.quote:5. where the f*&k are your tissues, woman?! not that i'm in a hurry to cry, but just in case, one needs to know where they are and i have scanned the room a few times and just could not see anything resembling a tissue box!
WTF? That does not seem right at all. I've been going through half a box a session these days. I'd be SOL with your T Puppet!
quote:Originally posted by Room2Grow:
3. She has NO web presence - makes it tough for stalkers like me to learn more about her!
LOL. I could add this to my list of things about T2. She's no fun to stalk, but her daughter is more stalkable.
LG, I wish it was required that all Ts have a photo and short "get to know you" paragraph online. That should be a prerequisite!
For my wonderful T:
1. He's strong and fearless, totally accepting and non-judgemental
2. super intelligent yet very funny and modest
3. Caring, kind, empathic, gentle, open, honest and direct
4. Not adverse to touch, handshakes, patting
5. He protects me fiercely and tells me all sorts of nice things about myself and allows outside contact
Improvements?
Hard to say. I'm biased as I think he is near to perfect LOL.. Maybe...
1) agree to hug me
2) quits smoking (I need him to live a long time)
Gosh I am missing him so much right now.
TN
1. He's strong and fearless, totally accepting and non-judgemental
2. super intelligent yet very funny and modest
3. Caring, kind, empathic, gentle, open, honest and direct
4. Not adverse to touch, handshakes, patting
5. He protects me fiercely and tells me all sorts of nice things about myself and allows outside contact
Improvements?
Hard to say. I'm biased as I think he is near to perfect LOL.. Maybe...
1) agree to hug me
2) quits smoking (I need him to live a long time)
Gosh I am missing him so much right now.
TN
TN - I just want to say (over and over again) how glad I am that you and newT found each other. It really warms my heart to know you have him there beside you throughout everything!
BG I'm sorry your ex-counselor was so unfeeeling and uncaring towards you. I think that is such a sad story. Some people are clearly in the wrong profession (my oldT comes to mind too).
I think it was very sweet and touching that your T bought the garbage can and said that to you. That he remembered your story. I can totally understand how that would really mean something to you.
About tissues.... my current T always has two boxes out. One is next to me on the little side table next to my chair and one is on the little side table next to the couch. My T encourages crying and tells me he is thrilled when his clients use a lot of tissues. He also has told me that tears tell us a lot and they are cleansing and healing. I've never had any problems crying with him... I cried the first day I saw him. I was still so wounded by my oldT's abandonment that I cried just about everywhere and it was not something I could really control. Thankfully, my T makes it feel safe enough to cry my heart out. He makes me feel emotionally held.
TN
I think it was very sweet and touching that your T bought the garbage can and said that to you. That he remembered your story. I can totally understand how that would really mean something to you.
About tissues.... my current T always has two boxes out. One is next to me on the little side table next to my chair and one is on the little side table next to the couch. My T encourages crying and tells me he is thrilled when his clients use a lot of tissues. He also has told me that tears tell us a lot and they are cleansing and healing. I've never had any problems crying with him... I cried the first day I saw him. I was still so wounded by my oldT's abandonment that I cried just about everywhere and it was not something I could really control. Thankfully, my T makes it feel safe enough to cry my heart out. He makes me feel emotionally held.
TN
quote:TN - I just want to say (over and over again) how glad I am that you and newT found each other. It really warms my heart to know you have him there beside you throughout everything!
Thank you so much, Yaku. And may I say that I never get tired of hearing it!
TN
quote:Originally posted by Blanket Girl:
Oh, and recently I noticed he added another trash can to his office, so there are two. A few months earlier, I had told him my "throwing up in therapy" story. (With my old, crappy counselor, years ago...) He was appalled by my crappy counselor's response (I ran to the bathroom with the trash can of puke, and when I came back in, she was gone). I sat there for awhile, waiting, and in the end, I just left the office, with the garbage can of puke because I didn't know what to do with it. Oh, and I rode the bus to get there, so I was carrying this garbage can around.
The next day, I brought her a new garbage can and dropped out of counseling.
Anyway, I asked him if that was for me. He said, "Hopefully you'll never need it, but it's there if you do."
I know it's just a trash can, but I was really touched by this.
Oh my goodness. Your ex-counselor did not handle that well at all! I'm so glad your new T made you feel more comfortable with using the trash can, should you ever need it.
I have this visual of you sitting on the bus holding that trash can. Wow! I can only imagine how that must have felt. So sorry you experienced that.