My rule of thumb is... If I have a lot of reservations or have to ask if I should bring it up... I should bring it up! Even if only to try to explore why it stuck with me. I think it's great to be sensitive to others and I think it's okay to mention and even to ask (because you can't know unless you do) how T felt. It's also good to explore the whole... Why am I apologizing thing. I feel shame or fear when I think I have said something wrong to someone I trust or love or is in authority due...Read More...

I love novels. I have not read sense and sensibility in a long time. Might be time to go pull that one out and re-read it. I agree totally about the Hunger games! Another good on is Divergent. I have only read the first book and have not seen the movie. I kind of envy her being able to choose something other than what her family wanted her to. I wish I could take that courage right out of the book and just inject it!!Read More...

Somatic work is what I do in addition to my regular T. It has been an amazing supplement and helps me regulate intense sessions.Read More...

I had a back up T when my T was on vacation. My T actually arranged it with my consent. When I met with the new T it was mostly an hour of check in and stabilizing, nothing too deep. We talked about my anxiety and fears, and general triggers that were happening. It worked great. It didn't take away the separation pain, but it sure helped to keep me stable and knowing I had back up made things less chaotic.Read More...

Wow thanks everyone! AG I think I got lost on your blog reading for the last hour or so. How amazing you can speak all of that. At least on your blog. I have written everything in my journal about the last session. Maybe I should just bring that with me to the next one. I don't know if I could have him read it or if I can even read it out loud. Do y'all let your T read or do you read it to them?Read More...

Thank you CD. One step at a time and I believe we are all doing the best we can with what we know All the best, T.Read More...

Thanks Catalyst & Keins for checking in on me. It's been difficult to accept this loss. For a while I couldn't give up on the possibility that she'd come back. I think holding out for that didn't allow me to grieve, or it didn't set me free into the grieving process. This past week I found some acceptance. This has moved me forward in allowing the loss to fully sink in and be processed. I think I was in a great amount of shock for a very long time. I do ask myself "how is this possible?"...Read More...

thank you everyone for the replies… (((LR))) thank you for the acknowledgment of my courage and for bringing it up. Its been on my mind for months.. it was the right time i suppose. definitely had to have a few sips of brave before i said it out loud though … (((RM))) I'm sorry to had about your Dad. Feel free to share some more if you want too - no problem if you don't. (((SB))) in a funny kind of way though - i really do think i WOULD be dealing with my past losses by talking this through...Read More...

I've had a discussion with her about my concerns in therapy. She's adjusted her borderlines a bit, as she meant that she's available to meet each other in her room. Regarding "meeting outside", she's doubtful, because tried it some years ago with a female client, but didn't go so well; and up to her, it was even boring, since both my T and that woman had kids with them. In fact, she told me that she would be happier to hang out with me, because I'm a guy. It might appear impolite of her, but...Read More...

Re: Parrot to the rescueRead More...

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and opinions. I really enjoyed reading all the responses. PFRead More...

Hi EJ, Thank you for sharing that with me. I haven't at this point considered going to an Al-Anon meeting but thank you for suggesting it. It's good to know it's there as a possible form of support. Have a great day. LongRoadRead More...

that is so awesome SB :elatedRead More...

For me it came from several things: - being shamed, by my family and childhood therapist so it partly is protective of myself: it is bad to ask for anything. - the other part is just family history: my needs (non-vital needs, so not food and shelter, but emotional) were always shown as hurtful to my mother. The only way to have my needs met would be if the person sacrificed herself... and then would end up leaving me, because who would want to stay with someone with "so many needs"? +... my...Read More...

(((About))) I love those moments! I'm glad you were able to experience that the types of therapy I do are inclined to that sort of experimental stuff too and I always leave those sessions feeling gentle in the world and gentle to myself. So sweet to read this.Read More...

Thanks Affinity.... I felt really (!!!!!!) Awkward and weirded out emailing her at first - mainly when id get a reply. It simply felt TOO INTIMATE. Like she was in my house. Felt dangerously close. Now, most of the time I can open her email but sometimes if I'm feeling particularly vulnerable I cant open it for hours and hours. Most of the time I will skim it first - if it feels too intense I will wait til I can read it properly. my T doesn't do ph calls - but I couldn't cope with that for...Read More...

Thank you Liese, Asking for what I need and actually getting that need met is really a strange feeling for me and it was so incredibly hard for me to even ask for what I need but I am glad I did.Read More...

PF when reading your paragraph you could have been speaking directly for me. I have always been so close to my mom. Now I am starting to realize all of the emotional abuse and the control she uses. I have been pulling away as well and have not spoken to her since Sunday. I know that's only 3 days but it is a huge deal as we usually speak multiple times a day. She lives on the same street as me!! I can't remember anything prior to 8 years old. How long was it for you PF before the memories...Read More...

Hi Affinity, My T doesn't talk much about inner kid stuff, but he talks about childlike qualities that are in all of us. His big one is about being vulnerable. He has shown his vulnerability a few times. We've had several sessions where both had the giggles and couldn't stop laughing for several minutes. He would have to turn his chair away or I would have to look at the floor to stop. I'm glad to see my T being vulnerable and less stoic. It can be unsettling because it puts a big magnifying...Read More...

((Ms C)) I'm English. We do understatement wellRead More...

That is my understanding too as to why some Ts don't allow txt / email contact - it's very difficult to ascertain 'tone' and the real meaning can be lost or not heard - which would potentially cause more pain for the client. Although in this case - it's easy to see how it's caused pain due to a series of events .... I am allowed to email my T - BUT it's with the clear understanding; it's not for therapy WORK - I can email her what I thinking and feeling, BUT we will talk about it at our next...Read More...

Thanks AG. I will get the book. Oh yes, I agree about the politicans and CEOs; totally accurate. It's actually stunning to see one in progress. They observe intently and mimick "care" to know how to "do it", since they are not capable of authentic connections. They take mental notes contantly for their own information library to use at later dates. Last time I was in a room with my brother it was facinating to see him in action from a distance, since I have learned how to observe. Watching...Read More...

Hi CassEve, For me it's been writing. I kept a personal journal for a number of years. I found writing to be very effective both in providing a safe outlet for my feelings and because I could do that, writing it out often provided me with insight into my behavior and an ability to see overarching themes. It also served as a transitional object to remind me of my sense of connection or good feelings about my therapist when I could not "feel" them. I can be pretty left brained, so it's a way...Read More...

Hi ElizaJ, I am seeing current T this morning and I am planning on discussing her lack of warmth and her responses to me. I will be giving her specifics. I plan on asking her if her stance is one that she thinks she must have for my "psychological illness". I have never had such a cold T before. I have been with three female Ts in the past (over the course of 20 years off and on) and I only had very heavy transference with one. I had to terminate that relationship because my insurance...Read More...