(((STRM))) Thanks for sharing your story. I wish H didn't pressure me to apply. I know I can't really work right now, but I don't feel I "deserve" help either. It feels like because I could just dissociate (was SU from another part today and did so in order to do dishes and laundry and stuff with Boo--I'm paying for it already, but whatever), I should just do that. It feels like because I could choose not to do this whole feeling, healing, connecting with myself thing and quit therapy and...Read More...

Thanks to our British cousins, I assume all is forgiven? Happy Wednesday to all not in the US and Happy Fourth of July to those in the US. I love this holiday, we have our bunting flying!Read More...

(((Liese))) It never crossed my mind to think that you didn't. I realized what you were complaining about here was the lack of boundaries and respect your mother/brother are displaying to their neighbors. I just found it personally ironic that I was sympathizing with the villains of the piece because of my own neighborly gripes. Of course I don't think mom/brother's behavior is in any way okay, though, and I'd never say anything to my neighbors either. Mmm, think I'm being a bit redundant...Read More...

Ok, so I set up my skype and tested it a few times and finally T and I got on. she had to set up an account. It was funny when it finally came online as we were both on the phone to each other talking about it when it came on we looked at each other and a laughed as we were talking on the phone and on camera. Felt a bit silly. Ok, so we did it. She was not looking at my face (good) and I was prob definitely not looking at her. It was a practice session so there wasn't much therapy stuff -...Read More...

((((GOOD MORNING))))) You guys must have been up all night posting here or maybe I missed all these responses yesterday. I'm headed out of town for two days in 10 minutes and don't have time to respond right now. It was interesting to hear all of your replies. Thanks.Read More...

All the time!!! My T always asks me what is my stomach trying to say lol I used to say I'm just hungry but my stomach makes a lot of noise when I'm trying not to say something and when I eventually tell T my stomach stops growling lol LuciRead More...

Thanks (((HeartAndSoul!))) It wasn't an easy 4 months, especially since my NT is the only person in my world that gives me much-needed hugs, but I made it! I think T was just as relieved that NT is back as I was! You'll make it - just take it one day at a time! (oh, and I wrote a lot of never-sent letters to NT while she was away, it helped!) Thanks (((CD))) I am enjoying the warm fuzzies while they last, which is never long enough!Read More...

(((hemlock))) Thank you so much for your kind words and your advice. It may be I'm just not cut out for being seen, but despite the mini freakout, I'm still glad I tried a little bit. A little trying is what I have in me right now. Maybe after working with T, I will have a lot of trying in me.Read More...

i agree with Liese that you have to at least talk about it. please know i am NOT discounting your feelings, but i'm backing T up on this one ... i know they're busy folks to begin with, but can you imagine if every client had a book they wanted their T to read? they probably have a back-log of their own to read that they don't have time for. i DO understand your hurt feelings, but i also think it's a tall order to expect them to read a book for you, and don't think it would be unreasonable...Read More...

I think leaving her a VM would be fine assuming she knows you look at her FB page. My T broke her wrist not too long ago and I gave her a CastCover which she really liked. I bet yours would like something similar if you wanted to do something nice for her. Glad to hear your session went so well as that will help sustain you during your month long hiatus. Best of luck.Read More...

Puppet: I'm sorry...I just now saw your reply. I didn't mean to ignore you Yes...he is a pain in the %$^^&&&%%$ (LOL) ... I keep trying to offer him an out and he keeps telling me that he is not going to take the out...pisses me off... Hey, at least he is fighting for me when I can't seem to...or don't feel I am worth the fight... Thanks for your insight...appreciate it T.Read More...

AG: I thoroughly enjoy what you write and I can so relate to clinging to ankles and trying to run far away...I feel that way with my therapist...and honestly, at times, I feel that I am going crazy...like I want him to be close but I fight so hard to push him away...it really is confusing behavior on my part...not sure I understand it. He has told me that he will is here for the long haul, no matter how long it takes. Normally, that would be comforting, but I still try to push him away. He...Read More...

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING: I was thinking about those who have endured abuse and how one becomes so enmeshed with their abuser/abusers that they lose their own identity...it's almost as if they are no longer a person of their own...So, when you are having to learn where you begin and end and learning where others begin and end...it can be a real challenge-Especially when your identity has been so compromised.Read More...

[quote]1.what was your favourite food when you were a child? teenager? adult? Child - HOT DOGS; teenager - HOT DOGS; adult - STEAK (AND HOT DOGS!). 2.what chore do you hate doing the most? BATHROOM 3.what sound do you love? A BABY'S LAUGH OR A CHILD GIGGLING 4.If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? DANCE - I HAVE 12 LEFT FEET 5.what would you like to change about yourself this year? I'D LIKE TO LOSE WEIGHT 6.If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you would buy? A...Read More...

I started going to therapy ten months ago due to something very traumatic (a betrayal) that happened in one of my closest relationships. To put it mildly, a switch was flipped inside of me, causing me to become trapped in the trauma of my childhood. For years, I am 39, I had prided myself on not letting the first 16 horrible years of my life touch my husband or children. It seemed when the switch was flipped, I no longer had control over all the emotions, trauma, and I felt like I was headed...Read More...

Hi cogs, I'm so sorry that things have snowballed since that painful encounter with your mother. It seems like your T is really there for you and supporting you now, and I'm glad for that. I hope you can keep leaning on him. It took me a while to even realize the difference between my black and white mindset and whatever it is that I've somewhat moved on to. I don't even really know how to explain the difference yet, in terms of relationships, but I know that there is a difference in my...Read More...

(((Incognito))) Setting boundaries with family is so freaking hard. I had a recent situation where I walked out of a family dinner because of the arguing, cursing, and meanness that was flying about. As I walked out, removing myself from the chaos, not reacting at all, staying calm, I was the one called immature and childish. Funny, considering I wasn't the one yelling profanities across the room, or throwing plates... And I wasn't the one who called afterward saying one of the cruelest...Read More...

((starry)) ((cogs)) ((SD)) Thanks. I'm back to sorta the land of the living. I was dissociated out of my mind. I hate leaving sessions like how I did so triggered, so not contained. When I talked to T today she said she was okay with the time, she knew I was in a bad spot, and she was okay that I couldn't touch her she said that she figured if I did I'd just end up sobbing on her LOL. We're going to do some stuff on Wednesday to make sure I won't get triggered. In the meantime... I've been...Read More...

Hi Held, Oh I really like the way you are looking at the whole boredom thing. It's interesting because I do feel like I'm on a bridge of sorts also between the past and the present. The present feels so unfamiliar and scary. I guess all this old stuff has been keeping me company for all these years and now that the intensity is gone, it's hard to know how to organize my world. I'm not familiar with the feeling of being on level emotional ground. I'm used to the ground shifting all the time.Read More...

(((Starry))) Glad you enjoyed it.Read More...

Thanks for all the replies, I'm glad I want overreacting. I did talk to T about H's request. He said he'd be willing to have him come into a session long enough to answer his questions about the THERAPY PROCESS, not the content of our sessions. He did recommend that we wait until a couple sessions after vacation to make sure I'd processed that whole experience. He said that he'd be there to back me up and stand up for me if I needed him to do so. I told him that I was very possessive about...Read More...

That's awesome Athenacus. I love that someone training to be a therapist has so much input about what it's like to be on the other side of the couch.Read More...

I love you all so much and love hearing what everyone is up to! I've been so overwhelmed. This is yet another one of my threads I will come back to and individually reply I've been reading though and... hm I thank you all so much for also saying you've felt the 'omg every hates me' stuff too. We're adorable.Read More...

Well, I tend to agree with the article that the creator of this thread posted. I do find therapy to do more harm than good, but I'm sure there are others out there who disagree and have had a different experience.Read More...

I think its okay to love and can even feel good to do so. The danger is when we don't get the love back, and in my opinion, I really don't see how therapy is healing in this regard. Tread safely.Read More...