Wow, thanks everyone for good support and ideas. I like the idea of writing to her so that I can get all of my thoughts out safely. I think I would just flat out describe my experience to her and ask for a refund. Something along the lines of.... "Hi XXXXXXX, After having some time to reflect and gather my thoughts, I wanted to share my experience of our session last week. I was really disappointed that I didn't get to talk about anything that I needed to, either for my own healing or for...Read More...

Thanks, Cat, luckily it's not a constant thing, and when I think about his family's dynamics it's really obvious where he learned the behavior. We've been married almost 25 years, and at least now he's aware of the pattern even if that awareness doesn't always prevent it from occurring. Most of the time I just see it for what it is and refuse to be dragged in, sometimes I call him on it, sometimes not. There are times I can't help but get sucked into the passive-aggressive-fight-for-control...Read More...

(((ANNA)))) Hope you are doing okay. I was just wondering if you could just ask your T if he is committed to helping you. And that it would give you tremendous peace of mind knowing he is and that you can be yourself without living in fear that he is going to terminate you. He does sound like he cares about you. LieseRead More...

Ang, thanks for your reply . I can manage 1x/week sessions, just not two.Read More...

((((MADMAN)))) Oh, this really spoke to me because I've always said that, that I only hurt myself. I will check out those authors you like. Thanks for sharing them. LieseRead More...

My T works out of two different offices that have a bunch of Ts who all work from a Christian counseling perspective, but in both offices, he works independently. At least one of the websites (one that has a nice photo of him on it, sigh, so now I've gotta look at him to verify I was right) specifically says that the counseling center is composed of independent, non-affiliated professionals and that my T is an independent mental health clinician. I know at least one of the offices does have...Read More...

Interesting question, Held! I also have a BA in Psych, but had no idea how messed up I was til around age 40. I went into psych with a passion to understand what makes people tick - what motivates/inhibits/stifles emotions and behaviors. I remember knowing by 8th grade what I wanted to major in at college. Took the one psych class offered in high school and knew I was on to something - fell in love with the material and never looked back. I loved all the college coursework, even training a...Read More...

Edited for content - AG Madman, please check your private messages. This is a Chit-chat forum meant to be trigger free, if you wish to discuss this topic further, please post in another area of the forum. AG, ModeratorRead More...

he IS running the wrong way...perhaps he might want to just sit down for a while take a few deep focused breaths and walk in the other directionRead More...

Ang, I worry a lot that my T is going to get frustrated that I'm stuck. But they do say that if we're stuck, it has something to do with the dynamic rather than that it's just our fault. I try to remind myself, not always successfully, that the therapy is for me and I am the one who should be judging the therapy and if it's working for me and if I'm getting out of it what I want to get out of it. That doesn't always works but helps sometimes. And then other times I just tell myself that I'm...Read More...

Awesome, Hoosier. Let us know how it goes (if you are comfortable doing so, that is. I understand if not.).Read More...

TN, Sorry I'm new, so you have probably seen your T by now I hope. Vacations are so hard and I am grateful that many Ts like mine and yours are often only gone a few days up to a week. How did you cope? it is harder at the regular session time I agree! I don't know if you saw my post on attachment but would be interested in your take since you also have a male T.Read More...

I always think letting someone know, young or not, ahead of time is beneficial. At least in my case I feel it is. Yaku one of the main differences between you anre your daughter are that she has someone. It makes sense you're going to think a lot of things about what she feels - and it's your job to be attuned there - but really she'll feel how she feels and what makes the biggest difference in her life is having support, having a "good enough" someone to be there with her through whatever...Read More...

I am glad you explained it, but sorry that you have trigger happening. I don't think you would upset anyone - it is just that we worry because we careRead More...

XOXO - just beautiful I too just want to sit here and feel those feelings that I imagined after reading your post. I am so glad you explained it so well SDRead More...

BLT - Thank you so much for your comments, and OH YES did they make sense. AG - You are my needs hero. Yes, yes, exactly - It's not safe for me to say, "I need you to come home early" but it is so safe (and also validating love for me) for her to say, "I want to come home early" even though that is what I need. I read your last paragraph, and I know it to be true, but good golly that little injured girl inside me just squirms all around to hear you say it. Thank you for saying it. Starry -...Read More...

Holy cow LL -- why did it take me so long to find this post? I have to get a copy of this book, yet I am also afraid to read it. This part was HUGE: "There is an anxious need to feel recognized and loved. Relationships are therefore craved, although they provoke anxiety and anger. Inasmuch as this demanding state does increase other people’s involvement, no matter whether positive or negative, it reduces the fear of feeling alone and abandoned." I wonder if this is what my T is doing with...Read More...

((((XOXO))))) LieseRead More...

Quell, I use the stuff brought up on the forum mostly every week. It helps me talk about subjects that I would never dream about talking about or having the guts. Sometimes I will say - someone this week said xxxx - but I am not sure what I think about that - and T and I will discuss. Or something will be here that is exactly what I am going through and I didn't realise it! I would never want my T here at all - as I have revealed a lot. I would be in mad delete mode if I knew that. She has...Read More...

((((COGS))))) Just checking in and hoping you are still on that upswing. I love what Iris said about seeing you striving because she is so right. You are in more pain on a constant basis than probably anyone I know and the easy thing to do would be to quit, to give up. But you don't. You keep trying, hoping something will give, something will break. And it will. All that hard work and determination will pay off. You know, those neurons form a little more slowly (okay, maybe a lot) at our...Read More...

(((((ELIANA))))) So glad things worked out with your T. Your story reminds me of how scary it feels to be angry with someone important but to learn that they take you seriously and care about your feelings. It really feels good, doesn't it? He sounds like a good guy. LieseRead More...

TAS, in my experience therapy can be painful and difficult, but there are ways to make it more tolerable. Sometimes you need to slow down, change tactics, or even find a different T. For me I needed the last options because therapy was making me worse instead of better. IMO, don't do stuff that will cause you more pain than you can tolerate. There is always another option somewhere.Read More...

Athenacus... I agree with Liese and Draggers too. It may be a bit to share but.. sometimes it can help. Sometimes I can't control my facial expressions - it's like they operate separately from me sometimes - and I remember T was telling me a story where she said her and her friend had been partying and were downtown and she said 'It was probably like 1am and we were..." and I guess I gave her a look when she said 1am (this story is from like 15 years ago) and she corrected herself saying...Read More...

(((SD)))) Hope we didn't go off track there too much. Glad you feel okay that T won't terminate you. It does take a long time, doesn't it? It can get frustrating at times. Hope you are hanging in there today. xoxo LieseRead More...

That's just awful SD - but I'm very glad you made it and are here. You'll heal, but yes it does take a ton of time. I really understand what you're saying about dissociation interrupting things like mindfulness, touch, trust. Based on some of our somatic work my T suspects my Mom drank with me (no shock) and I know I made her ill enough she was in the hospital for the first part of her pregnancy as well. I think there are a ton of different development stages that can lead to very specific...Read More...