I relate to this. Prior to another major trauma just over 3 years ago, my life was going really well. I had been stable and happy (!!!) for several years, loved life, and 'glad to be alive' ( this after years if depression which states when I was a child). Since the major trauma and subsequent PTSD (childhood trauma re-triggered) I've struggled with what you're describing. So wit was my depression is so bad I am actually suicidal, but even on the days I 'feel great!' I ask myself the lit us...Read More...

That kind of T stance is common in some psychodynamic models of therapy. It would totally trigger me and leave me feeling as you do. It's not a question of her caring - it's just not the right thing for all people at all points of their work perhaps? sbRead More...

Hi MC Do you have people in your lives who do not encourage your self-hate? For me it is often those who treat me well, it can actually trigger suicidal feelings... out of no where. It's a flashback of some sort, emotionally. You're brave to read books, I will occasionally look at articles but I've never fully read a therapy book because I find them triggering and it muddies my therapy. I've taken DBT therapy before, and still see my T who specializes though we do something else now. It was...Read More...

Lovely words... these things can be so vulnerable to share.Read More...

Crying hurts. I feel awful and my head hurts. But, it will pass - hope soon. thanks allRead More...

Hi MsC,AG, and SD, Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. They mean a lot to me. When I first brought up the topic of playfulness my T paused for a moment and said that she recalled having mentioned , in general, but didn't recall saying to me that I should be more playful. My stomach churned, but she encouraged me to continue. There was a light hearted moment at the end of the session when she asked me how I felt about her reply. I looked up at her, paused, and said that she...Read More...

Thank You Passion Fruit. I feel like I have hit a brick wall Regrouping is in order.Read More...

(((Ms.C))) I think many of us are totally unprepared for the experience of counselling and the waking up inside of attachment issues - and the total shock of how painful that can be. Write as much as you need to Ms. C. It helps to make those connections to share your experiences with others who really do 'know' how it is, and it helps those who read and are currently struggling in some rift tide or other of their own therapy experience. Take gentle care sbRead More...

Hi ElizaJ Sorry you had to delete. Hope you are ok. SDRead More...

AG, Thanks for the welcome and response. Your explanation really helped, though for reasons other than abuse. I had a very safe upbringing, but honesty was a "threat" to my emotional safety and physical safety by the end of elementary school. It does help to understand where the fear is coming from. Heldincompassion, your answer was so honest that it really pushed me into reflection. He is a musician and really puts his feelings out there. He's also so open about his anxiety. The thing is,...Read More...

Hi there. I think it is also a personal preference when you are considering the age of your therapist compared to yours. My first two T's were much older than I. I saw them, as you would guess, as "father figures" I guess you could say. Both of them--really GREAT men. My current T is my same age--actually we are only a week apart--and at first I thought it was going to be a problem. But, I have to say, it has really worked out for the best. I actually think he is the most effective therapist...Read More...

Thank you for your reply AG - really appreciate it. I kinda suspected what you said - that it's a helix with a loop going around and around... Guess I was hopeful it might be different though, Cos it's impossible to see how much deeper and more painful things can get - it's so up and down. I can be doing ok, then thrown into deep pain ... Come out the other side, feeling better and feeling I've made progress - only for the next round of pain to be deeper still. Since yesterday I'm really...Read More...

I, too, enjoyed the article and very much agreed with it. I know the quality of my relationship with my T is extremely important to me and very healing. Yesterday, we had a fairly light session in which we talked about writing and the artistic temperament (my favorite subjects). There was discloser on both sides, and I left the session feeling warmly connected. I also left wondering if my T felt he was going a bit over the line, because at one point he very abruptly brought the conversation...Read More...

Re: The power of a smile.Read More...

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"The client sees the theorists actions as disproportionally magnified" oh how much I relate to that. I don't have DID but I still feel the article explains how I feel and the struggles I have / are having in therapy. For the first time I seem to be finally working with a T who is AWARE of how super-sensitive I am - other Ts have inadvertently caused further harm and further trauma and shame, by some if the things they've said or done (due to my disproportional responses).Read More...

Hi SP, lol... You and me both LongRoadRead More...

Thanks everyone. Hang in there, all of you!Read More...

(((MC))) I'm not sure how you discovered the things that are the roots of your problems now, but I can imagine not really knowing is scary. Being paranoid makes sense. I'm not sure what it is like exactly but I do know there are a number of people who have come to things much later. Hopefully someone else can chime in on then dream stuff and connections. I get triggered with recovered memory stuff and my own personal stuff puts me in a cautious position. There is a lot more room for fluidity...Read More...

GG, So sorry for what your going through. That totally sucks. I am glad you blasted her. I think she deserved it....with all due respect. And, I would be feeling very much like what you described too. She could have demonstrated more empathy and warmth. You're clearly in a vunerable state right now and to leave you like she did was not right. I hope you take care of you. Don't take your anger out on yourself. Try not too.Read More...