My ex-T said a lot of warm and fuzzy things from how she like my hair or how soft my eyes were but what I liked the most was our talk on anger. She said: "if you expect to leave this office and never be angry, don't let the door hit your butt on the way out. Anger is a natural emotion and can be used right." kansasRead More...

I think he is being really really sweet to you and your littler parts.It is truly lovely to read about and all your reactions seem entirely normal to me and stuff that you can work through with him and gradually get perspective on. I am so glad he is there for you right now. Have you another week til your husband gets back?Read More...

born2write, somedays, mayo, held, Yaku, TN, Kansas and Sadly, BB, I know you had a reply in there somewhere. I read it before you deleted it???? BB, it was so good to hear from you. I'm sorry you felt like you had to delete. Thanks for all your thoughts and hugs. It's very hard. I can't always feel his warmth. He doesn't always show it. Part of me thinks I'm just running and another part of me thinks I'm being rightfully protective and asking for what I need. I've been reading Judith...Read More...

Even though I have hard time picturing T inbetween sessions and remember her voice better, I am able to hold on to her her face really well for a few days after session cos im still on that like "post session high" as I like to call it. Then it gradually fades and I can only picture certain features of her, like her smile and her eyes, her hair, but not everything as a whole. Im even able to remember the smell of her office and the clinic and her perfume as well which I find oddly...Read More...

I also do co counselling which is a form of therapy where both are equals, meet as equal and give each other equal time. You can train in it over about 8 - 10 weeks one evening a week and then make contact with local people trained in it. I had a very good co counselling partner some years ago and we worked well together for many years.Read More...

dear (((starfishy))) - I will always be here or around as my forum family are SO SPECIAL to me! I hope you're felling a little less wobbly. Be gentle with yourself. sRead More...

Blue. Beautiful. She is beautiful when I look into her eyes but also intimidating. She knows where my vulnerabilities are now. She knows that I hate silence after talking about something sensitive. She wants to stay with the moment and let me feel my vulnerability in front of her and when I look at her eyes, I feel so small and shameful. She's so beautiful *sigh*. I feel like I'm in love with her or something.Read More...

Thanks everyone for your advise and input. Today I had my session with T and it could not have gone better. Many of y'all might be surprised by this but I nor T brought up BFF in our session. For some reason, it made me feel really good. From day one T has made it clear that our time is our time and has given me no reason to believe that she would break that trust. At first I was jealous that BFF was going to be seeing my T but now I'm actually really happy for her. T is great at what she...Read More...

My T is VERY passive. Rarely does she talk, and rarely is she direct and when she is, boy do I feel it (thus the thread on "Disproportionate Reactions"). I usually have to go home and journal and journal until it is out of my system (or post here ). Occassionally I feel ready to "hear it" from her, so I will ask her something. Her response, "What do you think?" Sometimes that angers me and I say in response, "I knew you were going to do that." So, then she will answer my question(s). It...Read More...

Yes, Yes, I have this type of thing too. I've had it ever since I can remember. During elementary school tv's buzzing in the next room would bother me. Florescent light bulb buzzes and other children and their noises irritated me as well. As I got older I could control it a bit more unless I was under a lot stress and then things would get to me again. I can't wear wool either. My entire family has issues with fabrics/textures, sights and sounds. Just the other day I visited my children for...Read More...

So glad the visit went well and I hope the work on this release is going (or has gone) smoothly! (((AG))) Thanks for all you do around here! It's a blessing.Read More...

(((Liese))) (((BLT))) Thanks for understanding. I think I need to redo this post and some other stuff as a journal. I tried to tell T about it as an explanation for why I couldn't leave well today (he triggered my nurturing/caretaking again and I had to run off to avoid trying to take responsible for making him feel good, not worry about me, etc.). I am just awash in attachment pain. We are talking SO much more about everything lately, from now stuff to past stuff, to these bizarre internal...Read More...

i have lots of self-worth issues too i've learned... planting little seeds of self compassion, grows in to love eventually. every time you're gentle with yourself you water those things, every time you judge you take away the sun...and the growth slows down. that's been my experience so far. right now i have a tiny little ugly looking twig thing popping out of the ground but... hoping to have a tree for myself. it is as others have said, super long... super slow... super hard over the past...Read More...

cRead More...

Liese, good morning. I did talk to her. It actually seems to just have happened after something happened with the PA (for a P that I haven't met) on 2/17. Somehow that incident got linked in with T, and then it got me triggered by my childhood and even adult times when I felt abandoned (I went back to read my journal and I had written a lot those days), and I had a bad reaction on 2/20. So the flight was in full force, and I told her that on 2/27. I told her that missing the session the...Read More...

(((TN))) I think it is an important question your T asked you. I've been considering a version of it ever since I spoke to the meditation teacher. I wondered what I would have to give up if I gave up the idea that I didn't "know" whether T was right for me and relaxed into the relationship and therapy. I think I wouldn't have any reason to not deal with my issues that I want to work on but I keep avoiding when I don't feel safe and sure of the relationship with my T. I also might have to...Read More...

IF? Thanks for your words of encouragement. Tomorrow is the day. What do I do? What do I say? It has been 2 wks, and I no longer feel the need...the attachment. Maybe we talked through all we can and it is time to go separate ways. Idk...I just don't know.Read More...

Hi Closed Doors, I made the mistake of reading into my T's intentions, thinking he was using all kinds of techniques on me when in fact, he wasn't. Best thing to do is not to assume anything and just be straight up with him. Hope it goes well on Friday. LieseRead More...

TN, thanks for sharing your session. When you share, you give me hope, as I really struggle in my relationship with T. My T is like a stone wall. That's the best way to describe her. I hate it. Very rarely has she ever changed position, shown she cared with body and facial expression, and only one time has she said it (when I said I didn't know how to end/leave therapy because I was so attached to her). Many times I even feel as if she is cold, tired, bored, angry with me, doesn't want to...Read More...

Thanks, all, for your welcomes and just being there. ...Read More...

...just saw this, I don't know that the push pull- ever ends, for it is working through it- that the growth is manifested. (my opinion)Read More...

Very good point, Raven.Read More...

Hopeful: Exactly! I do the same thing. Right now, just wanting to talk about all this stuff feels shameful. I use humor a lot. I want to dx myself with OPD. (Obnoxious Personality Disorder) And hide. Echoes: That is so encouraging to hear! I was at the edge of looking at the whole shame thing, my T brought me there, and then decided that he could not/would not guide me through it. I think that we found some limitations in terms of boundaries and his abilities. It has been hard. But it can be...Read More...

Oh no... I'm such a "dude".Read More...

So many points you have made here Liese, moved me. I came from what appeared a nice family. Catholic schools, doing well, nice girls, nice boy friends - but inside me is a wailing hurting small child. It is sometimes hard to truly believe that what I am inside is not just crazy. BUt my T has helped me see that there is a reason for every single one of my feelings and I too have bought the outside package of our 'nice' family. It was a family with mega emotional difficulties and hidden...Read More...