((((KANSAS)))) I'm sorry too that you deleted your topic. I've been caught up in my own psychodrama, actually too much lately. I always enjoy your topics. Hope you are doing okay. LieseRead More...

Just wanted to return to this thread to update that my self imposed exile from T is over. It turned out to not be a very long break after all-- about two and a half weeks from the time I last actually saw her. I decided to go back because my tension, anxiety, and stresses were mounting and I realized that in leaving T I was cutting myself off from my most effective means of coping and emotional support, and that this is probably not a good time in my life to be doing that. I'm not crazy...Read More...

It's funny... I think the things that would probably make a 'normal' person feel safe, secure and understood freak the crap out of me.... When things get intense and the conversation is challenging, my T will change how she is sitting. She's not really any physically 'closer' as we sit in 2 different chairs...But her posture changes and she adopts a posture that feels like she's listening harder and supporting more (this is clearly impossible to explain). A few weeks ago I was being...Read More...

I would say both that your experience is not too unusual, but also that it can change. To me, not being able to have eye contact during sex, and fantasizing about other people or scenarios, especially during sex are both ways of avoiding deeper intimacy. But you can also heal and learn ways past those thing.Read More...

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking a lot right now after finding out she's only two years older than me. She's all professional and put together, and here I am whining about stuff and seeming to not make much progress very quickly. I started to feel more attached to her, but I don't know if I can with her being so close in age. I haven't seen her for two weeks and she's still gone for another ~ so I guess I'll have to see how it goes when I see her again. I know I'm too picky. I didn't want...Read More...

Thanks Liese I go to therapy tomorrow, and for some reason I am too scared to go. Somehow I have lost a little bit of trust in my T and wonder if I really can talk to her. That maybe she's pushing me out of my comfort zone for a good reason, or perhaps it's because she is tired of me. She knows what I am going through no - the uncertainty, the emotional chaos and the overall confusion going on, but yet she sticks to her disicion to not let me write her things anymore, but talk about them.Read More...

Hi all. I journal, when I need to, whenever I need to, but not to prepare for a therapy session (which I have M & W). Then when I get to therapy, I usually have 10 minutes to look over my journal and see where my thoughts were, what happened during that time, and then I at least know where to start. When I am depressed or highly anxious, that doesn't work. Now that I'm on meds again, it is so much easier to talk. I barely sit in silence, now. Sometimes my T starts with, "What do you want...Read More...

Hope you are feeling better today. Sounds cheesy, but I like to listen to the saddest music I can find. Johnny Cash, Radiohead, Mozart's Requiem mass, Frank Sinatra's "One for my Baby, and One for the Road", etc..it's very personal. Not to smother with advice, but a very healing "project" that I did when I was having one of those nights- I posted my "top ten sad songs" on Facebook. And just listened to the songs till I got swept up in it and cried and it wore me out, and I eventually feel...Read More...

((RAven)) It's a SUCKY place to be... I hope it gets better soon Incase anyone is interested in a session update; I got lucky enough to be able to see her again this week. Cleared up a 1000 little questions I had today. Which helped, the good thing about my T is she will really push back sometimes - not in a forceful way but she can really be unambiguous and direct. I often find it "defensive" but I've realized it's just her sometimes. I brought a list to help me remember Today my T and I...Read More...

Hi Forgetmenot, I am glad it made sense to you! Anyway what I want to say now is try and stop complicating your analysis of yourself - give yourself a break from that. We can't change our history but we can change our futures. To people who have not been really hurt as such, vulnerability is not a weakness. You are not weak, you are human, and part of being human is being vulnerable sometimes. Think about what you really really want and dare to dream! All the best!Read More...

HIC, I think that is really cool progress that you've made so far!! I think the somatic stuff is different enough that it would be worth trying it out to see whether you find it helpful or not. I have certainly found it to be a great change of pace from simply talking all the time.Read More...

Today (well, technically yesterday), February 28th, the Empire State Building was lit up in green in an effort to bring awareness to Eating Disorders for National Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2012 Here's a link: Empire State Building Recognizes NEDARead More...

That was so cool!!!! Reading again... From an attachment/trust standpoint it all makes perfect sense! No wonder I get depressed, I feel like I can see several moves ahead in the "game" and I try to pretend that I'm never going to hear the words "checkmate". If it is presented as a game, rather than an honest interaction between two human beings, is it doomed to fail? So... found this, just read it this morning, from that book I keep talking about: "If the therapist puts himself behind a...Read More...

I don't feel as guilty today - thank you. It's a roller coaster I've been on - back and forth with feelings of doing a good thing and giving her a chance and feelings of ruining her more. I can't assume that she could have been adopted by a better family. She may have stayed in the system until she turned 18. I just know deep down that I don't give her all she needs and I can't. I hope I can one day. I am working in therapy. And I hope one day she can give to me too. Maybe we can have a...Read More...

Hey, you know, I was just going to do WITHOUT a pain consultant. But you are right, there have to be OTHERS out there. I could ask for another referal He was truly obnoxious.Read More...

I had never really considered doing this until recently. Boundaries with my T aren't something we sat down and laid out as "these are the rules about being here"...they've just kindof come out as has been necessary. The first time we had a hard session, she told me I could call/email between sessions. The first holiday that passed since I had started going, she gave me a hug. And the first time I felt like I really needed one, I felt like I could ask for one because of that (this has only...Read More...

Thank you all for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences. I have heard of a bad experience and I found it encouraging and hopeful to hear of some good experiences. I just have this fear that you can't go back because it will make things worse.Read More...

Thanks Liese! Yes, I'm a little cynical right now, but thanks so much for the support!Read More...

yes, indeed. I enjoyed the fact that the opinions expressed were balanced. Some of the contributers in the book were a little over the top in their criticism of therapy and alternative medicine, and need to check out PubMed where they can clearly see that there are good studies that prove the efficacy of talk therapy, pharmaceutical drugs, and alternative approaches. I'm not sure where people get it in their head that pharmaceutical drugs have been proven more effective than other methods...Read More...

((((ORBIT)))) I'm glad you were able to tell her how you were feeling but I'm also glad she is able to give you more support. That's the best news I heard in a while. You are in good hands. Maybe you didn't feel like you deserved more support and thought your only option was to quit? LieseRead More...

((((AG)))) Thank you for your reply. I am still struggling to understand it all. Trying to understand a profession that encourages people to reveal the deepest parts of themselves, and then draws lines in the sand. "You will feel more for me than I will for you and that is the way it must be." The intimacy is HUGE (on my side) but the relationship fits into cell A5. (took an excel class today). I can understand intellectually why it is that way, I suppose. I was just unprepared for the...Read More...

Hi Hopeful! I just started taking Wellbutrin again, and I have similar concerns! I wish I could offer some good insight, but I'm in the thick of a similar experience. I went on Wellbutrin just a few days ago because of failings with my T in regards to expressing any kind of anger without judgement. As you said, feelings just are and need to be acknowledged, or they become toxic. Due to the fact that I felt like I could NOT express these feelings, I started feeling the depression coming on. I...Read More...

Lady Grey: I am glad you found it touching, I am deeply touched by it. I find it has thrown me rather - that he so clearly cares about me so much. JenDark: Yes, it is wonderful to be able to record sessions. I often hear so much later - things I did not or could not hear at the time. And to hear his kind voice, sometimes that just gets me through a really difficult time. He is sort of there for me, all over again. I just wanted to add the bit he says about a baby's needs as it is applicable...Read More...

Hi JenDark, I think you are right...I am totally a person who is trying to read more into what people are actually saying...bad habit and not real useful for me. I think I get it how important it is the therapeutic relationship is now since she said that and now exploring it more since that appt. and she has said she is "eclectic" that style really doesn't matter. I just finished writing it out and I know what it is now and the thing I have been trying to resolve which is my attachment...Read More...

Our set-up is pretty limited. My T. works in a clinic and just has an ordinary office. There are three chairs: T.'s rolly desk chair, and two ordinary chairs side by side. I always sit in the one directly across from T. We're about 4 feet apart. I'd like to be closer sometimes but I don't think it's going to happen. It would be interesting to see if it would change anything.Read More...