Hi AG & Echoes, AG, I found the following interview interesting and this is what Howard Smith MD(author and psychotherapist) had to say. Duel relationships (which is what I'm seeking)are confusing, but the amount of information on the subject is mind-boggling. This is part of the interview about Dual relationships: Question: What do the professional boards and codes of ethics say about dual relationships? Aren’t they pretty much forbidden? Reply: I thought that, too. Then I went on the...Read More...

Hey TN Hope you are hanging on in there - with the help of your dragon Ahhh your wizard T really is fab - love love LOVE his story and the gift for you to keep safe till you see him again. I too saw my dentist on this week's break! How funny. Helps that mine is hot! hahah. Hugs xxxxRead More...

I myself know that if I put impossibly high standards on others, it usually comes back to bite ME somehow. I prefer to give myself and others a little bit of room to breathe- or life gets too stressful. Shit does happen. I have been on both sides. I have messed up, (not often) both personally and professionally, and probably will again at some point in the future. That said, it can still suck to look forward to a session only to have it not come to pass. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you,...Read More...

I haven't taken the time to read the article, but I will soon. Thank you for posting this, Kansas! I have stumbled upon another website about dual relationships and boundaries... http://www.zurinstitute.com/outofoffice.html I have researched this recently as I've gotten the feeling that my T doesn't have strict boundaries with me. She's pretty open about her life. At our last session I asked if we were terminating due to my insurance and my last assignment. T said that the assignment she...Read More...

I forgot to mention one thing: According to the consult T: (he agreed with me and may write a blog about it) There is a world of difference between telling someone that they "tend to be sensitive" (AND that we ALL do that at some point) and that "we ARE easily offended". The latter is not a constructive thing to say to another person in any context. Thanks again!Read More...

Liese, I think projective identification would suggest that someone is provoking their emotions in another person and the person didn't have those emotions at all. I would imagine that in your case both you and your husband have emotions that resonate with each other not projected. I also think to recognize projective identification a person would have to very aware of their own reactions and emotions in order to recognize someone else's emotions. When I read about projective identification...Read More...

Number9, thanks for your support. I'm sorry you are feeling the same way, though misery loves company. I've been with my T for 4 wonderful turbulent years. In case that sounds really long, I saw him every other week for quite a long time until I fell apart. LG< Such good questions. Today I mentioned power struggles. They've always been a problem for me. I don't really know a lot about power struggles but I am imagine that they develop in the FOO with a parent who doesn't take control or...Read More...

Hi Anna, I'm really sorry that you are in so much pain. I can relate to what you have described. My therapist has much more that I do both socially and financially. I do find it hard at times when I look at what she has and what I don't. I have actually thought about it quite a bit. It can make me yearn for something that I don't feel that is easy for me to achieve. I'm particularly sensitive around and envious of her social network. It can be painful to hear about things that she's planning...Read More...

UUUUGGGGHHHH! I hate that!Read More...

Thanks for your replies r2g and ninn sorry you have had to feel this way as well. r2g I've spoke to my t about waiting for her ulterior motives her answer was that her caring is unconditional sometimes i just wish she would agree with my warped perceptions of how bad i am and save me the energy of having to turn everything she says into the complete opposite so i don't have to have this attachment agony. (((ninn)) I'm quite sure you do deserve to be loved. how do you get to the point of...Read More...

That's what happened to me. I wasn't really out of it and didn't really process what had happened until later. Now my T is out of country for 3 weeks with no contact and I'm feeling a bit anxiety-prone.Read More...

Just in my last session T asked if I wanted to draw I have before and it has gone okay - the busting out the crayons stuff doesn't bug me because my inner kid is always around and I draw, color, paint and do other art stuff all the time (Im really visual) one of my Ts told me once I am an extremely playful adult and a lot of adults aren't that playful. I get the same type of comment from others and it's not meant as "childish". Hard to explain but...I think every adult should color and draw...Read More...

Hi Thanks for your replays , we tried first to work on the traumas ( I have more than one trauma in my life) and we began on what was the most difficult and the deepest pain, first my T asked me to write it down and to it like 2 times, then to read it for him, oh my that was near impossible, The words were just stuck and it took some minutes for me to even began reading it, and I was not able to look at him , and I cried and all the time I was trying to read it, and yes I had/have some deep...Read More...

(((((DGUOM))))) So glad you are feeling better. It can be such a scary process, especially when you have to go through it alone. Let us know how it goes this week. LieseRead More...

I also record my sessions and it is an eye opener. I now know for fact that what I think he is saying is entirely coloured by the mood I am in, so I can mishear spectacularly. And he may say one word (one of mine is 'limit') and I am triggered and I don't hear ANY of what he is actually saying, I only hear what I THINK he is saying. Also, I have had to really accept parts of myself, because I cannot say they are not real or true when the recorder just records what AHPPENED in that session,...Read More...

(((Raven))) Thank you for sharing. You never have to earn the right to offer support. I am nearly clueless all the time. I appreciate everyone who supports, no matter if they can offer advice or a hug or their own experiences. I'm sorry you have a similar experience with your own family. I know I am still in a lot of pain over my failure to protect my siblings in more way than one. I'm sorry they are angry at you, but I hope someday they can understand you were modeling doing something...Read More...

I think there could be a lot of truth in this statement. The intensity of having an unmet need on such a deep level could end up going in so many directions (intensity in relationships, intensity in trying to succeed compulsively, intensity in self-destructive behaviors) but in the end they can all point to the same place.Read More...

I think Ts can be aware of it but it doesn't mean they know how to deal with your specific needs within it. Had I known my feelings were "cliche" / as old as time for the model itself I may have understood it differently and therefore interacted differently with them. I thought my feelings were UNIQUE and I felt very alone with them just as I had felt alone my whole life struggling with bonding with people outside my family. Had my therapist clued me in that this was typical I think it would...Read More...

Sadly, Yes I use to take overdose's because I use to imagine hospitals and nursing staff could provide the care I so desperately yearned for, accept I learnt actually they are some of the least caring people I know. I was told to "do it properly" next time, was roughly handled, had stomach pump to "teach me a lesson", I could go on. That was in my teens and early 20s. Since being with This T I haven't reverte to those sort of actions. I told T that I hate demanding almost that she tells me I...Read More...

(((((COGS))))) I hope you don't mind I call you that. It reminds me of that adorable Cogsworth from Beauty and the Beast. If you don't like the nickname, just let me know. Even though we have never ever gotten along, the dynamic in my family was that no matter what anyone did to me, (or anyone) they were family and we had to remain tight. I was a pretty nice kid (well, that's my side of things) but what that meant, and the message was drilled in constantly even up until recently, was that no...Read More...

Thank you all, your replies are so warm and encouraging and I think I have to agree with you. I think he does love me and he is puzzled that I lose the feeling of that.Read More...

THAT sounds absolutely lovely. Good on you for bringing it up - and what a wonderful replyRead More...

are you okay Neece14?Read More...

Very good to read this!Read More...

Echoes, thank you for your kind words. I've been thinking a lot about my session yesterday, and it's only Thursday. I've come to the conclusion that I am really angry I changed my 3:30 time, to 11:30. But, I know this is the inner-child being angry and trying to make it someone else's fault, when I chose to do this, to help out H. I guess I am worried, that if I wanted to change the time back to 3:30, it won't be available to me. I didn't cancel Monday's session, so I guess I'm going to go,...Read More...