I have some positive news on this struggle for me. I'm not sure what has begun to shift, but I have been throwing quite a few things away lately, and with some JOY about throwing things away. I have not gotten to the hardest stuff, but I have been throwing quite a bit away - working on it in spurts. In the past few weeks, I would say I have given or thrown away three bags of clothes, three bags of old school books (why did I keep them? they are science books and no longer even up to date!Read More...

I'm baaacckk!!! Just!!! lots of love to you (((((pcd)))) MRead More...

Good question Greenleaf! No there is no Dr C. I guess I just put a boundary in the alphabet between my two previous Ts and my current one heheRead More...

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Part of my trauma feelings involve me feeling cold- cold on the inside and outside, but I don't like it. so cold that i have to take a hot shower and drink hot water to get warm. Not much else works. I'm a skier and love it... but I don't naturally like cold weather. (I'm nevver cold when I ski because I am moving) I did find your post interesting, though.Read More...

Exposed brick. Cozy old building. Shiny stuff. Fancy furniture. Plush rug. Masculine. Gets great light.Read More...

Honey, if I knew about this my wonderful amazing T would be sitting right here next to me! But seriously, I'm sorry your mom is so unhelpful to you with this. Sometimes people who are not in therapy and are close to us feel threatened by the relationship we have with our T's. Perhaps your T could explain to your mother that you need therapy during the summer and provide some referrals for you. You would have to give permission for T to talk to mom. I think that seeing a T in summer is a good...Read More...

Hi Raven, I just wanted to say that coping with an ordinary 13 year old is difficult enough that I can't imagine how much more complex dealing with a child with RAD who was adopted at age 10 would be. It speaks so well of you that you chose to take on this challenge, but it is a very difficult road to walk. Of course there will be times, no matter how much you love her (and it's very clear that you do) where it will feel overwhelming and you'll feel depleted. I hope that the break from each...Read More...

(((((XOXO))))) The rescue stuff is confusing. I think I fell in love with my T because I think he has the life I want and I thought he could give it to me. Kind of a short cut, so to speak, instead of working on these things for myself and gaining them myself. Getting them through him. I guess I see that as rescuing. And wanting to be rescued. Because my life was too hard to face. IMO, it's not good to detach. You want to feel that connection with him so you feel that support all the time.Read More...

Yes, my T has a sheet she fills out every session. She is careful not to write while I am talking or we're in the middle of the conversation, so I actually don't always know what she is writing (as she will do some writing 5-10 min after something came up). One time she went to get water and I saw the form, as she left it out on the table and the first item on her sheet was "appearance of client." She tracks many things, med changes/current meds, my mood, appearance, feelings/thoughts,...Read More...

Thank you so much Yaku, Cat, xoxo, Sadly, and Autumn. Your supportive words mean a lot to me and are helping me re-frame some of my thinking. I will write more when I can....right now thinking too much about anything in particular is quite triggering and I don't see T till Monday again, feels like forever from now.Read More...

Big thanks to both of you! I know it's not normal and I know its worse to keep everything inside, but I just do not have any clue in the world why I'm so guarded with T again. It's like this imaginary wall is between us again but we both know its there. I'm so hesitant to take away the bricks while T is on the other side just waiting patiently for me. I know I can trust her with absolutely anything and everything but I just can't wrap my head around why I'm so distant. In between sessions,...Read More...

It would be strange if he didn't tell me where he was going-it's not his style. He is very open. On the other hand, if he was more of a blank state therapist, maybe it would seem normal. Non-disclosure can be a good way for a patient to express feeling and thoughts about the relationship, with all those blanks to 'fill in' with one's own fantasies, thoughts, feelings...It depends on your issues and the therapist's style, perhaps modality. I usually get crabby with him when he goes on...Read More...

(((((imagination)))) It's nice to meet you. You sound so incredibly mature and on top of things for someone your age who has been through what you have been through. I don't think you've done anything wrong although I understand why you would feel that way because I would feel that way too. It sounds like she was spooked by the suicide and even though I am sure she really cares about you, it sounds like she's struggling really being there emotionally for you. It not that she doesn't care...Read More...

I'm planning on asking my new lawyer for the family stuff about this or getting a referral to someone more knowledgeable on this area of law. Long story really. Not sure how to put it in a nutshell. Been divorced a while, daughter is being alienated by her mother as well as my "dad" (after my mom died the things about him she held in check became too much of a problem and we haven't spoken in over a year) and his wife. Daughter is upset over my not having a relationship with her grandfather...Read More...

forgetmenot, im sorry u have to go through things like this too, thank u though, for helping me feel less alone..it definitely helps me get through the day to know Im not just some nutcase with a wierd problem that nobody else has. I told my T, she said that it was..."emotional flashbacks"..Im not sure exactly ...if I explained them right, but thats what she called them. I just want to thank everybody for their suport <3 thank u so much everybody. You all help me stay strong <3 I have...Read More...

((((INCOGNITO))) Even though you question your progress, I can think of two times recently where you and your T were really able to connect. I like how he asked you if you really wanted him to ignore what you wrote. It sounds like he may be learning how to work with you better. All those thoughts that you have about wanting to talk to T and then not being able to get it out and then feeling frustrated, they are like a really strong piece of rope tied around all the other stuff. That knot...Read More...

Hey xoxo, thank you so much for that. I think I feel frustrated at why our sessions are capped with me and T. I want to tell her 'well, change it then! Why can't you change it? Why is it so dam hard for you? Were only part way through and I have to leave and you won't do anything about that?' So I guess that's anger. I'm mostly sad though. Right now anyway. Sad and confused. Lol. But there is clarity happening, slowly, slowly. This clarity has only started happening recently. Well..when T...Read More...

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm in a pretty bad spot right now. Things went from bad to worse and I'm just struggling. Couldn't post it in the OF, so if you have a few minutes to lend a listening ear (and to hear, unfortunately, some whining) please pop over to the sensitive issues forum. I'll try to reply to everyone more later. I have to go to bed before I get myself into more trouble.Read More...

Thanks Butterfly, Liese & Ninn. I have in fact decided to schedule a session this week with my T's associate in hopes of being able to work through some of the intense feelings I've been experiencing. I think this will be really helpful as to not make her return so entirely overwhelming to me.Read More...

I've never heard of this term but seems to fit me in many ways. I know I have too high of expectations and judge others mercilessly. However, at times I also feel like I let a lot of flaws "pass" because I don't want to lose the friends I do have that care about me. I find myself judging them in my mind and picking out all their flaws as if to add to my inner score card of why they will let me down and reject me. Yet, in person, I ignore the things that bother me - I think almost to a fault.Read More...

Eliana, I find it kind of mind boggling too. But I have a living example. My husband sees the same T (he was actually his T first and we've seen him for couples' counseling) and although my husband has a lot of respect for and likes our T, he's very laid back about when he sees him and really never worries about what our T thinks of him. I can sometimes envy him. AGRead More...

Sometimes you can't control genetics but I guess meds can help....Read More...

1. No 2. No 3. No to all 4. Yes, yes deffo 5. Yes, she was a fashion journo in her pre-therapist life, so is one of those classic well put together types, immaculate and tidy and always co-ordinated 6. No, I tend not to take care of myself physically at all 7, Yes she tries to compliment me if say I am wearing a nice scarf but I am so not used to not hearing compliments I tend not to respondRead More...