Yes, Ghost-girl, we can't feel your exact feelings, but can relate and be supported by reading what happens to people like us who have deep Transference problems. Frankly, there is just no one in my community I would share a word with like we do here.Read More...

BH, Hi...Just happened to see this post. There is no such thing as "normal". Try to believe that. Try to stay in the present also. Working through family garbage takes a very long time. I have the scars to prove it. But it sounds like you are heading in the right direction. Speaking about your pain is where a lot of the healing takes place. But try to accept that is a long, slow process. You'll see...in time you will begin to feel better, I promise!Read More...

The baby couldn't have survived anyway as it had no food (milk) milk I watched it all the way to the end anyway - but it was pretty awful :/Read More...

come back when you need, we'll be here!Read More...

in 20 years of different Ts i have never EVER made real eye contact ….. its too intense … my 1st T, i can count on one hand how many times i looked up at her - 4 times - in a 7 year period. it was shame, and then it became a weird thing in that she went on and on and ON about it so much, it left me even more self conscious that i could NEVEr look up for fear of it being such a huge deal (and id feel more shame) my 2nd T, i did look at her - buuuuuutttttt - i had my glasses off - so i could...Read More...

I really like what you said about imagining your therapist with you when traumatic things happened in your past. I think it would help a lot to imagine T defending you and putting things straight in your behalf.Read More...

Quote: "At one point he told me that I have to stop thinking about us and stop analyzing it and just feel it." True North, that comment you made is so good, and so true of me, that I must remember it every day!Read More...

Getting back to the public mode, or work mode, was hard for me. I was so turned in I could hardly drive, much less deal with the public. But it did help to get into some red-faced anger about something or other, while I was driving down the road after session. I think of something to generate real anger a few minutes, and it grounded me, made me switch into protector mode, and fierce reality. The inner child is pushed back to hide behind my skirts, so to speak, and lets me get on with the...Read More...

Thank you all so much. Your marvellous replies really reinforce my overall feeling that this was something good. Yesterday it struck me that perhaps it had such impact because no one ever has had that sort of contact or known me so well. I know that could be both sad and good. I have no ability to feel my feelings at the moment so I think I tend to over think:-) but it feels like a step forward. Thank you again and lovely to 'meet' you all xRead More...

I have tried using affirmations on post it notes on my mirror in the bathroom. I try to tell myself I have "inherent worth" because I believe we all do. It is hard shedding the garbage of messages I have received throughout my life. I have faith I will have a more accurate perception of myself and my worth one of these days...Read More...

Yay, ElizaJ!!Read More...

Incog, it is so very difficult. Keep pushing through. This is the very hardest part of therapy. It took forever for me to "break" the ice with my T. You are heading in the right direction. Patience sucks and it takes time. Give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling right now. It's okay to feel what you are going through now. Working through certain things can take a back and forth feel. He may not be avoiding you, but trying to give time and thought on how to proceed with you.Read More...

Thanks Yaku I get the same feelings of shame and undeserving. T and I talked on this for probably 20 minutes. We talked about relating the 'flashback' I was experiencing to stuff with my Mom and messages there. T again said she was just being unconscious and I know she ends that way with other people. I asked what I can do next time so it's okay or what we can do. She stated for the 100th time I did nothing wrong and then said if she ever forgets again tell her I need my hug. I can do it in...Read More...

Catalyst - thank you for your words. I hope I can find the courage some day to ask my T about it, too. I think that hardest part for me is he told me he would say no if I asked, so I feel like I'm being desperate if I ask him why. I really want to know why, but the thought of his rejection is scary. I've recently been wanting to ask for a hug and it's painful. Veryhopeful - thanks for sharing your story. It's always nice to read how people can work hard sessions out with their T, especially...Read More...

Skylynx - logically I know you're absolutely right... emotionally, that comes and goes. Today I can see it like you do - much harder to when frought! I also feel fear knowing my T ISN'T torn up and highly emotional about anything I say to her - ive talked a little about this with her - trying to articulate it properly. If she has a reaction I feel responsible, ashamed, and manipulative. If she doesn't have a reaction I feel she doesnt care at all. VEFY black or white. I realize its fear both...Read More...

Hey Blue, it's all right to be a bit rattled and not write the perfect response. You're working through things and that takes up a lot of emotional head space. I think the good thing about this forum is that people tend to be really gracious in letting that happen, letting people say stuff in their own words and also being accepting if they want to go back and change those words. I recognise a lot of my own feelings in what you wrote. If blame doesn't work so well for you, is there another...Read More...

That is so cool of your T to give you an itinerary! If my T did that, I would love to visualize what he might be doing each day and I would feel connected. That was so sweet of him! I would probably check out earth cams of his locations and those places would take on a new significance and meaning to me cause that's where he was! Loving someone has a wonderful way of literally opening up the world!Read More...

It's the anniversary of my mother's death in a few days - so I'm also thinking it might be better to re-evaluate things AFTER I get through this next week. The abandonment issues are hyper-sensitive right now, and her approaching anniversary is definitely playing a part in that .Read More...

Have done too if you're still stuckRead More...

Thanks for your replies. It seems to me that it is different from country to country what the professionals do, as in my country an Audiologist do provide support related to the emotional challenges related to the disease/disability. But as one do not need a licence or registration to this titly it may differ from each person. As I understand the hospitals often refer their patients to Audiologist for providing coping skills. I have never heard of a health psychologist so we probably do not...Read More...

I really think you should talk me to yr T some more. You seem to jumping to a lot of conclusions that might not be as you think. Ie you're assuming she will be cross and angry with you because you txt her. You don't know that. Are you a mind reader? Do you REALLY truly think she is so cross with you she's been stewing about it ever since and planning 'right, wait til I see SB next, boy will I let her know about it!!!!' Yeah? NAH. Not likely. I think it's common for Ts to NOT specificlLy...Read More...

Thank you for your answers and sorry it took me some time to get back to you. I read carefully, and decided to... not send the email, just to make sure I keep the good feelings for now, and don't lose them over being anxious about an email. I made a small card to say thank you and I will give her next time (and will have ample time to feel awkward about it at that moment^^), and I don't want risk sending an email TOO enthusiastic to my T. + I am currently vaguely hypomanic (with meds, so...Read More...

I was just thinking of you yesterday. Nice to hear from you. He will NOT give up on you and you will not give up either. I've done this dance a lot also. My T could have dumped me a long time ago and goodness knows I've tried to get him to dump me in some very creative and mean ways and dammit, he will not give up on me and we have forged a great alliance...a very rough road, as we all know. It ebbs and flows and we have learned a great deal from each other. You will figure this out...Read More...

Thanks guys SB: right back at ya babe (the hanging in there it gets better bit lol!!!) I feel better having vented by posting. It helped me get rid of the obsessive bit. Other than that I'm trying desperately to NOT think about what happened Friday. Allowing my T to 'care' is really really painful. It also scares me - what if I want more? Definitely think you're right SB - it is that I can't bear to think she does have a life 'away' from the hour I spend in her office. I'm ashamed ed to feel...Read More...