((((JANE)))) I remember seeing a movie a long time ago but can't remember the title. Maybe Dom DeLuise was in it? Or his son? Or someone like him? The narrator was depressed and SU, I think. There would be these scenes with him floating on top of the water at the ocean or bay. The camera was under the water looking up and you could see his body floating and the sun shining through. And he would talk about whatever it was that was stressing him out during these scenes. And so when I'm...Read More...

((((INCOGNITO)))) So glad you were able to feel that T cares, at least for a little while. Keep working on that and addressing it as it comes up and eventually you will feel care from him all the time. I hope, anyway. That's what happened for me. We just kept chipping away at it. Sometimes it was me. (Okay, often). But sometimes it was him. I cried a lot last year for months and months. Unfortunately, I think it was all necessary. But then I went on wellbutrin and actually don't cry as much...Read More...

((((CAT)))) It was really nice to hear him say that. It was the first time in four years. IMO, it was long overdue. (((((SD))) Thanks for the cheers. That was really nice. ((((INCOGNITO))))) He says he seems to know how distressed I am. He thinks he is conveying empathy. I'm just so tone-deaf to it all. I think I have to learn the difference between indifference, rejection and dismissiveness. Maybe it's not him who is not listening to me? HUGS TO ALL BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE ALL STRUGGLING, LieseRead More...

I've been working out a lot lately. It really has been great for me mentally. A way of me taking care of myself. Anyway you sound very strong Jane. I admire and can relate to you.Read More...

So, I paid better attention last night and as soon as I started feeling dizzy and nauseous and like I'm sliding back, my hand is rubbing that spot on my head. I also started knocking on it with my fist when I was trying to quiet stuff down. All unconscious and if I hadn't put myself to really pay attention to it, I wouldn't have thought much of it. So bizarre. Feel a bit weird that everyone else seems to dissociate pressing this spot, but I use it when I am dissociating. Though, if I'm not...Read More...

Cat - the issue is actually that my cats have decided they like to punish me for changing my routine, so the change I made has caused them to "mark" my new territory, thus making it impossible to use. H has bought some sort of cleaning solution that is supposed to keep them from continuing to do that and is going to try that out for me. H is being TONS more supportive than he was last time and reassured me that I absolutely need to have my therapy as a place to work through things, even if...Read More...

Well yeah, clearly, because my actions dictate what they dictated to me. Lol. I think she was just making me aware as to how I felt dictated by them even when they were not there.Read More...

kashley, I agree with all that has been said. This past August I had that kind of overwhelming grief and could barely cope with anything. I had to start teaching again after the summer off, and I was a mess. I honestly almost quit and walked out every day for a month. My grandma had died in May. She was the only one who I knew my existence mattered to. Because it was summer, I had camping and road trips to "keep me busy". When summer was over, all the grief of my grandma's death and all the...Read More...

Totally true. I'm just worried now because my friend is still ignoring me ~ but she's like that and if she doesn't call in a few days, I'll call her.Read More...

My SIL lives in Flagstaff and she needs an attachment therapst and I found one for her in Flagstaff. However, I am in a major metropolitan area and there aren't any attachment therapists around here except for RAD. It seems, though, that you might find someone who is more accepting of attachment if you research "trauma" T's. There seems to be a lot more of those. When I consulted with the trauma T over the summer, she mentioned that she didn't think (and this is coming from a T) my T had the...Read More...

All good, FMN! Just want to make sure that you are understood. That is a huge thing! Let us know how it goes!Read More...

Yes, yes Muff! I wish more parents were like this!Read More...

I think the reason some T's don't like to use the word "love" is because the client might interpret that as "need." Sometimes I think we really want "I love you" to mean "I need you." But our T's cannot need us because then it turns selfish and we get hurt. My T did not say "I love you" to me in the beginning of our therapy relationship, but now I hear it from her fairly often. And yet because of other things she says, I know that she does not need me. She loves/cares as an act of service to...Read More...

gosh, i just read this and i am in tears now...thank you all for sharing.Read More...

hey effed, too sad about the dearth of fun in your life right now. This is one of the first times in a very long while that I have had fun that is free from judgement. My purpose is to move my body to music and have fun. I am not working to get in shape. I am playing and doing it safely. I have often thought that this type of activity is boring. How things can change with age and a couple handfuls of effective t's!Read More...

Oh, a walk sounds lovely and I hope it goes well. T has offered to do a walk when I asked about what we could do and even to get ice cream before like your kids want. Except, I sometimes think T is more of a kid than all my inside kids, since I can hardly ever get excited about such things. I just feel too exposed to be out in public view with my T for some reason...it feels unprotected and I feel like in trouble that my T has to be seen with me. Anyway, I really hope it goes well for you...Read More...

What a good question, Jenny. With my present therapist I was really upset that I had got a letter saying I an assessment appointment with him (he is a clinical psychologist and I did not know WHO had referred me. It turned out that I had requested it through my doctor four months earlier and had forgotten all about it.) I was on the defensive and I power dressed. I felt scared stiff. I remember thinking "I am prepared to talk about PTSD and see if he has anything interesting to add. Then I...Read More...

Brokes, I'm so happy for you. Happy healing to you!Read More...

My T doesn't look like anyone famous but he does look a lot like a good friend of mine, same height and build, similar clothes and some of the facial features are very alike in some of the expressions. He also has a few features of my ex which makes him attractive to me at times because I have happy memories of my times with my ex.Read More...

My cannot use touch with me since we like thousands of miles apart. But she does tell me she would like to give me a hug if we were in person and that she is sending me hugs in spirit. She also will try to get me to make eye contact. She will offer kind things to say..things like how much she cares about me, that she is so fond of me, that she enjoys working with me, that it is so rewarding to work with me, etc. I usually look down and don't say much and she will then ask me what I am doing...Read More...

Happy Girl-Yes, my T can act very parental at times. I think she was doing that. My T's office just put up a new website with all the T's credentials, backgrounds and methodologies. I see T's background work is in sexual trauma, substance abuse families and she has a special interest in working with teens. The website says she forms a wonderful therapeutic relationship. A lot of the time she seems to be a Humanistic type of therapist. Not all the time though. I do think she seemed angry...Read More...

Little Me- Just keep sharing. you are safe here. We all have our shit... our secrets. Try to keep it together for your girls too. How old are they? do they live with you? do they know... understand what you are going through. Hang on and just keep posting. I dont know cutting, but I do know suffering to release pain. Many here can relate to your situation. Your former T is a manipulator... keep looking for the good T you deserve. you made a wase choice to get away from manipulative taxi T.Read More...

Liese, It sounds as though it is all resolved by now but I just wanted to say that when I read your post about this, I didn't think he was ignoring you. Maybe he just wants you to ask for what you want. Glad it got sorted out and hopefully this will make your relationship with him more solidified and secure.Read More...

I used to find it excrutiating to admit that I missed him. But now I say all the time things like "Oh it was so bad trying to sleep last night as I was missing you so much." or "I just ached to see you, I wanted to hear your voice and see you .". "I find the gap between seeing you too long. It hurts in my heart." "I ache in my heart when I don't see you." and I admit to him how little those feelings feel, like I am a very small child. I have also told him that sometimes I have to imagine...Read More...

number 9 - I did not dare to talk about this. I was - to be honest - rather preoccupied with other topics during my session and just could not find a moment where it would not seem a strange diversion. I shall ask him over the phone. It is easier.Read More...