I've never had such a thing, as I was paying out of pocket for the longest time and now I'm on a single case agreement, but my insurance wants to deal with my T directly, so even when we needed to convince them why I needed to stay with T, the whole process, they wanted nothing to do with me, only for him to apply and report to them directly. I wish you good luck, though!Read More...

Thanks everyone for your input. Raven: I too only really seemed to have the intimacy from my grandmother. I worshipped the ground that she walked on. She would give me a hug every morning when I saw her. Go figure.She lived thousands of miles away which sucked. SD: It is exactly what I mean with the intimacy. I have recently realized that I keep distant from people SO well. Its not good. I can be in the same room as good friends of mine but I'm still distant. Touch to me is so foreign. I've...Read More...

Yes, you are both right. I know she isn't really trying to get rid of me....that's just old coping mechanisms creeping in. I do think that subconsciously it affects me so I should say something to her. Thanks for the hugs and support. RavenRead More...

what a wonderful post - of course it is about acceptance - one of my struggles has been i can accept others waaaayyyy more easily than i accept myself. workin' on it.Read More...

hi, i am enjoying the discussionRead More...

Yaku, thank you, I was thinking a lot about *just* having T record a message for me. I'm feeling weird, like I wouldn't want to talk openly knowing I was *recording* it. STRM, thank you for your support. It helps to know other T's *allow* the recording. Cipher, I think I'd be like you, not necessarily doing anything else constructive if at the time I need to be listening to T's voice. Thank you for input, it helps. Starfishy, I think, because like you said it would be weird at first, I might...Read More...

Incognito, Just wanted to say thanks for sharing the link to the Liberty puzzles. I have never seen those before, but now I am drooling over them. I think I know what I want for Christmas, lol. Anyway, if I were your T I would totally be looking forward to your sessions each week. Glad therapy is going well for you, btw.Read More...

YAHOO!!!!! I'm so glad you see that! You are awesome.Read More...

Hey TN No worries. I love hearing about your sessions and progress so thank you for sharing. Therapy is a long hard slog sometimes - and tough! - so is great to hear how things are so different at the moment for you - remembering all the anniversaries and how grim it sounded. I read your other post - but replying here coz it seems to make more sense to. Is great to hear your t making jokes (when you told him you felt his emapathy). I love shared moments like that in my therapy. I am mostly...Read More...

Hi Beauty, Thanks for sharing your poem. I wish that I could start writing poetry. I used to when I was younger. I also want to acknowledge you for starting to work on this grief. I understand what you are feeling. This Monday will be the fourth year since my son died. He was 20. Thanks to you, I might try some poetry tonight.Read More...

Hi LG, Thanks so much for your supportive words. They mean a lot. I can't wait until I process all this emotional stuff and I don't react so strongly anymore. BB, I saw your beautiful and insightful PM and am wishing you didn't delete it. I really wanted to think about what you said and give a thoughtful reply back but can't now because it's gone. I'm sorry that you had a case of PAD and felt like you had to delete it. I've been in an emotional knot all day myself. xoxo Love, LieseRead More...

((((YAKU)))) I struggle with the same thing as far as the crying/wanting to be held thing is concerned. You and your T have talked so much more openly about touch than my T and I so you are a thousand steps ahead of me in that regard. I don't know if it's this way with you but to me needing to cry and wanting to be held are inextricably intertwined. And I'm afraid that if I push myself to cry because now I feel as though I *ought* to be able to do that with T, without taking care of that...Read More...

LG, Sorry I'm a bit late too, but what a difficult choice - real head and heart dilemma . It's hard to say for somone else what to do, I want to tell you to go with the job and career, but that would be the pot calling the kettle black as I moved with my H and changed a career pathway as a result Do let us know how you get on, starfishyRead More...

Thanks AG. I feel with support here and explanations from real people who have been and are going thru it provides so much...it's great having a place to relate.Read More...

Hi Hollywood (Nice name change!) I think you're correct, in that building a trusting, safe relationship is imperative before doing any deep trauma work, but often the work moves back and forth between trust building and trauma work. XOXO (UV) answered a similar question in another thread and I thought her answer was an excellent description of what needs to happen, so I'm just going to link to it below. Could be blocking work As for the fear of leaving, that is one that I really struggled...Read More...

I know...right? It's like a lose lose situation....Read More...

Thanks LieseRead More...

My daughter's old T said she was stuck last spring. She explained it as she (T)couldn't move her anymore because she'd used all her expertise during 5 years. She helped us find a new T and my daughters now "unstuck" again.Read More...

Hey DF... you sure have a lot going on. I'm trying to follow your posts... so it seems that you have been stressing over telling both Ts that you want to continue this way. Your insurance is all straightened out to see both of them which is wonderful. And now it also seems that they are okay with this situation? It all sounds like good stuff. I'm sure you were shaky and crying today as a release from the pressure that had been building up inside you. I'm glad your boss is understanding. I...Read More...

(((((FROSTY))))) I'm sorry I got it wrong and didn't hear you. You are important to us. ((((X)))) Please don't go. You are important to us too.Read More...

Brokes darling, I feel for you. Gosh, I never had a mother figure in my childhood as well. I was talking to my T about it and I cried quite a bit when she said that I never had a mother figure. It kind of hit me how important a mother figure is to a child and not having it can be debilitating for the child. Sometimes I look at mother's with they're children all happy and want to cry. I missed out on that big time. I'm so so sorry to hear what happened to you at school. That is terrible. I...Read More...

Thanks for all the support. It felt great to get home and see so many posts. I had a good day, enjoyed the show, and spent 4 hours in a car with a very old friend who listened to my therapy woes and worries. To clarify because I wasn't clear last night I brought the games but didn't tell my T about them and we didn't play them. I never got up the nerve and as the session progressed it seemed impossible to bring up the games. It wasn't until the last few minutes when I was really feeling this...Read More...

Happy Birthday Frosty!Read More...

Thanks DeepFried, you had the write post. Thanks AG for your response.Read More...