Hi SBR, thank you for your comments to my post. I'm sorry that my situation resonates with you. It's a difficult place to be. At first I felt no anger because I was in such deep grief. The grief overwhelmed any other possible emotion. Lately, I have felt more anger, especially after that last meeting we had. Unfortunately, a lot of anger gets misdirected towards my current T, who does not deserve it. He is really wonderful, despite being human LOL I think the anger is a good thing if it is...Read More...

Hi Blackbird, Nice to meet you. Thankyou for your reply. Well therapy has to stop because I'm due to move 3 hours away. The thought of it makes me sick. The thought of being alone makes me sicker. I am willing to travel every weekend on a 6 hours train journey just to keep going. I feel that I am in the midst of things and cutting off will be like cutting off a lifeline I really need right now. I go through weird ups and downs. One minute I'm okay and nothing seems to be wrong. The next...Read More...

I saw eq t today and it was a weird session. But good. I think. Towards the end, I told her I sometimes get angry and have no idea what to do with it. I didn't bring up anything about my other T but eq T and I talked abour anger, and she said, "I want you to know, your anger is welcome here." I looked her her funny, and she went on to explain that she used to not be ok with other's anger or her own, and she doesn't have solutions for it... but she has done a lot of work herself on anger, her...Read More...

Just got a call back from my therapist. Short call, but both of us in tears on phone. IK now know it's not the end, as he said when he has dealt with his personal issue he will ring and we can continue. Still feel very lost, but need to look at this as a challenge - I want to make him proud of me for being able to use the skills he has taught me for times such as this.Read More...

I've found it's been kind of helpful, to talk to someone who is not only outside of the context of my ordinary life, but very dissimilar to most of the people I've known well up till now. However, I should clarify that I grew up in something of a cult, so that probably influences my desire for a T who is "different." She pointed out our differences and the potential for conflict at our first session, but I insisted I wanted her anyway. So far it's been a good fit. Anyway, I didn't mean to...Read More...

Thanks for the support here! Today was harder, because she knew what to expect and they didn't have paints out to get her really engaged. I stayed about 30 minutes to get a clean separation, because Auntie is picking her up today, so her whole routine will be off. She cried once for about five seconds when the teacher tried to engage her, but the second time the transfer went smoothly. I hope she's doing OK and not being a banshee!Read More...

((((BG))))) Sometimes it feels like my whole post-going-to-therapy-regularly experience has been about dealing with shame. Now that I am able to freely experience my feelings, I notice that I'm feeling that way a lot more. It's a terrible, overwhelming feeling. You should be proud of yourself for being able to find that space between your feelings and what you know reality to be. Everyone is human, we all make mistakes and the way to handle them is to take responsibility, apologize and do...Read More...

I email mine from time to time more so I can get something that is bothering me clear and if I send it off, I will quit thinking about it. I usually try just writing it down to see if that gets it calm, but if not, and I need to function I send it off because I figure she does not even have to read it, but at least it is not with me anymore. Sometimes she will respond, but I usually do not want her to and if I do, I say so. I only call for scheduling matters and I hate texting in general so...Read More...

... I am feeling her love.Read More...

Jane Thank you so much for thinking of me! It is really reassuring to have people to talk to that know what you're going through. My T is on vacation this week, so it has been a tremendous help fnding this website! Thanks again! FGRead More...

Hi Frosty, I'm not saying you'll be in therapy for 20+ years. Don't get scared. I was in therapy a little bit, mostly in college. But back then, I didn't attach at all to my T's. And it was harder, because I was using the therapists in training at the college and could only have access to them during the school year except for breaks and then the next year, I wasn't able to have the same one. And, so that might be part of why I didn't attach. But it was also harder for me to open up. I had a...Read More...

I feel bad for my T, because he said he is personally inclined to hug, but feels professionally restricted. The only thing he is clarifying with the professional association is the legal issues, I think, but they will probably say what you say. If I ever do get a hug, it will have been so much work for both of us to get there, it will probably feel a bit anti-climatic, LOL. Edit: Just reread the whole article, LOL. First thing that really stood out is the distinguishing of therapeutically...Read More...

((((YAKU)))) BIG HUGS. Sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I felt bad when I saw that T hadn't taken my gift home but I never told him. It's hanging in a prominent place in his office and he doesn't have a lot of knick knacks hanging around - so I should feel pleased about it. It doesn't bother me anymore that he didn't take it home and maybe some day I will broach the subject with him, though it's been 9 months since I gave him the gift. I guess you can see why my therapy is moving at a...Read More...

Broken, I reckon you need to sit down with T again and re-negotiate your therapy. Dropping down to 1 session per week AND limiting out of hours contact is way too much at the same time. Can you go back to 2 sessions a week - if you did that would you feel more contained and safe each week - would that reduce your out of hours contact? OR - can you still email her but not expect replies? I just think things have changed. Us BPD's are hard work - that is a given and any good T who works with...Read More...

Thank you JMB! I will remember your responses forever...! I really appreciate them, yes I do struggle right now...a lot. And yes I have the sam problems as you do... For both of us I wish, it will get easier... Hugs!!!Read More...

Hi Forever Grateful! It is nice to meet you. Love your name! I'm sorry you had to say goodbye to your T. I agree that it sounds like she really cared about you. The book sounds like a really special gift...how wonderful that she gave you something you can always keep to remember her by. It's pretty normal to feel sad for a while after your T leaves! I'm so glad you were able to have a positive ending with her, though, that will help. Keep talking here and don't be afraid to talk to your new...Read More...

Hi rookie, nice to meet you! I can relate to your post...you are doing great so far--4 weeks since you used--and think...if you use now..you'll have to go back to the beginning and say ...'it's zero days since i last used'...try to hang in there...lots of times people don't think when they say things...keep posting here if you need to...thinking of you...keep us posted if you want to...mlcRead More...

hi tygr, Im in the uk to and was a little confused with the pokey i'm glad i'm not the only one who knows it as "ohhh the okey cokey" that song used to played at every party used to go to along with push pineapple shake the tree i was at a pub recently and randomly decided to do the dance through the window at my friendRead More...

((SD))) (((TN))) Thanks. I do have some wonderful people in my life, it's just hard for me to stay so connected. My friend and my brother both live a bit away from me, and due to my financial situation I hate to use the gas to go and see them. I know that sounds lame, but I have to conserve where I can. They were both so good to me this weekend, I am grateful for them in my life. It's just so hard having to ask for this kind of help. For the mere necessities of life, like food. It's very,...Read More...

Hey TN How did the weekend go? I hope you were ok - and great that you can call your T if you need to. xRead More...

aw, I am sorry to hear you are feeling so sick. They do say that it is a very good sign for a healthy baby if you are sick a lot, though. It just sucks to endure it! Should go away after the first trimester though. I hope so much that your T will be able to help you calm the anxiety, and that it will help with the sickness. It makes sense that you would be sicker when anxious, cause anxiety just makes every symptom feel worse. Deep breaths! hugs, BBRead More...

Thanks for all the support! I needed it! The day came and went-- NOTHING! Wishing things were different, but oh well. I thought that my biggest wish would be for for T to acknowledge my special day, but I guess now my biggest wish is for me to overcome this attachment to her and realize that I am on my own. I feel so disconnected with T right now. I'm startin to wonder if she's the ONE for me, or is there someone else better suited for my BPD issues?--BrokenRead More...

Somedays, I love that you don't give a stuff that I don't have a T that does make me feel better. JustMaybe, thanks for saying you learnt from my posts. If people really do get something from them, I would hate to take that away. I just need to start believing in myself a bit more and that may take a little time. Before I started this thread I truly was ready to start again with another T and not go back, but the responses I have had here have been very useful and have given me some food for...Read More...

Thanks for hugs Liese and kashley. I actually dreamed about T last night only we weren't in his office or doing therapy. He didn't act surprised or upset that I found his wife on facebook. He was surprised that her profile wasn't privacy protected. He didn`t think I should blame myself for being curious. He`s been understanding before about the fact that anybody would be frustrated by how little that I can know about him outside our sessions and so searching for info is a way to find out. I...Read More...

Jones and JD thanks. Her statement about empathy is sometimes in response to my asking what she is doing. Sometimes I think she is preempting my question and explaining. I may be so shut down I cannot get it. I am not sure I recognize it from anyone, not just ts. The reason it comes up with ts is because she says it and I have read about and people here seem to like it.Read More...