MTF, Wow, you are so brave to have asked your T for her boundaries and what she is to you. the thought of me asking my T that terrifies me, but it sounds like it has helped you tremendously. What i get from reading your post is that even though you are sad that you aren't as connected to her now that you are doing schema work, perhaps this is better for you because you feeling less preoccupied with the relationship itself. I hope that you are able to find a way to feel connected without it...Read More...

Hi Mel1 (nice to meet you) Red flags are waving for me to even having read your clear post. Thinking about my burgeoning relationship with my T (I am 5 months into therapy) and comparing her with your T sends warning bells. T told me specifically when we first met that she was not there to tell me what to do, but rather that therapy should be a partnership and we would learn together. She does go into fixing mode but only when needed, like getting me a tissue or a glass of water last week...Read More...

Hi RAD I'm glad you decided to post here and I think Smiley and the others have given you some very good suggestions. I would also endorse looking into seeing a counselor at school. I think you need someone to talk to aside from your best friend (which is also good to do). The reason is that this counselor will make this all about you and will be totally open to hearing you and helping you. Crisis lines are another good option to get you through those dark times when you feel alone. And...Read More...

Thanks Frosty... ((((Frosty)))) I have so little time to sort through things cause I go back to work full time the last week of August and I lose the flexibility that I have in the summer. I'm very excited to get back to the routine of teaching, but afraid I won't be able to make it through a full work day at my current energy level I am determined, though, and I know everything will end up working out in the end. As AG's quote says: "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's...Read More...

(((Incognito))) I am SO happy that your phone session went well. I am sure that was a HUGE relief; especially after the dreams you were having beforehand--you can definitely tell that there was a lot of anxiety there. Your T sounds like he does care for you in a good way. I like hearing about everyone's resolutions, and it does help. Sometimes when I feel so disconnected with T, I read everyone Else's posts and start to feel a little better. I like that you wrote out your feelings about the...Read More...

Wow, after reading your post MTF, I am motivated to read up on this - I hadn't heard it before. My T - sounds very much like yours. She always brings it back to how my feelings / attachments / thoughts / actions affect current relationships. She uses her and my relationship and a colleague of ours - as a "practice net" and she is always trying to bring my issues back to that relationship - instead of talking about my marriage or specifically to do the blame thing with my childhood family.Read More...

(((Jane))) I'm sorry things are so hard and totally respect you not being able to or wanting to post about it here. I am glad your T and SD have been so present for you, supporting you through such a rough time. You are saying it is worse than how things have been so far, so I too am amazed at how you are moving through all this stress while dealing with your move. It sounds like you are in a safe place with these roommates, so I hope you are able to settle into that safety and really take...Read More...

((yaku)) thank you for your message and sorry i get back to it so late. i have thrown myself into my work... sucks... its been crazy busy at work and i guess it is something to do, keep busy. but cant say i've been enjoying it. hopefully catch up on the forum in the weekend. hope you're doing ok too! puppetRead More...

Hemlock, I'm sorry that you don't have that intimacy with your H but I can totally understand. Sometimes I think that if my H and I don't make it, that I'll find someone new but not sure I would sure my story either. Just want to start fresh with a nice clean slate. I also get making yourself and your authenticy the first priority. I feel the same way. If my H made me choose right now, I'd have to say, sorry you have to hit the highway. I'm so tired of twisting myself inside out for people...Read More...

(((TN))) I'm so glad that your T called back. I'm sorry that he is still trying to set up the meeting with your old T for next Monday. I hope he gets back to you soon with a workable schedule. I'm thinking of you, DiRead More...

I have called the crisis hotline on several occasions, most recently last April. It was a very bad time for me- issues with abandonment, abuse, transference. I tried all day to reach my T and at 9 PM I called the crisis line. It helped me a lot. I had turned his lack of response into more abandonment- not being important enough, etc. The crisis line helped me look at the reality. The guy even said, maybe his kid's are sick, etc. My T ended up texting me at midnight. Calling a crisis line...Read More...

(((TN))) (((starfishy))) It went OK. I didn't hate her. She isn't super-duper, let's med her up. I did present as my most functional me, though, so even though I told her I can get really destabilized, it didn't seem to sink in with her. She wants to see me again in two weeks ("two points make a line") and I can bring Boo if I can't find childcare, although I don't like to bring Boo when I know things might destabilize me. I basically numbed out and gave her my background. She kept treating...Read More...

Thanks DF. After checking in here today, I wrote her an email asking her about 2 x weekly sessions. i didn't exactly ask for it (yet) but asked her how do I know that i need 2 x and then I said that this week I am relieved because I have 2 x sessions. Talk about dancing around the subject - why didn't I just come right out with it!!!!! Anyway - it will start a dialogue and then i will say something.Read More...

Update: I just called T. We had a little chat about things, and she reassured me that she doesn't think differently of me. She is not her to judge me, and all she wants is a full picture of who I am so she can best help me. It did make me feel a little better, but I still am in that longing for more stage where I totally want her to scoop me up into her arms and make everything okay. It only seems fair! So, okay, I don't HATE therapy. Right now, I strongly dislike it. We are working on those...Read More...

Aww thank you! I am humbled and inspired by all of you. How are you feeling - is your T back soon? -TammyRead More...

Yaku, Good luck, I hope it goes well. I know how scary pdoc appts can be. I don't even think that pdoc I saw had paperwork with symptoms. In fact, I am pretty sure I never filled out anything like that. Just name and insurance info was all. Anyway, I hope it goes better than you fear. (((hugs)))Read More...

MTF I totally HATE when that happens It sometimes happens to me with my laptop. The damn computer decides to update something and shut down and restart in the middle of my post! I'd also like to hear how things are going with you... when you have some time and are no longer mad at your computer. Regards TNRead More...

LadyGrey, Thank you for acknowledging how I feel. LL, in fairness to him he did acknowledge that this would be a short session when I arrived; I just don’t think I realised at that point how short 25 minutes really is. In the 2 years that I have been seeing him he has never once been late. Thank you for remembering my previous posts. I think when I’ve posted it’s when things haven’t been going well so it comes across that he is cold when most of the time he gets it spot on which is why when...Read More...

Thanks for another handy (anonymous) quote I am going to whip out next session. This came up for me this week too. I realised that my T 'gives me nothing'. When she is therapising - she is fairly fixed and knows what she is aiming for and does a lot of talking and isn't giving me any body clues back - she is focussed on trying to help me learn something and is quite 'hard edged'. I told her via an email I didnt know what was expected of me and that she gives me no reassurance that she is...Read More...

Hi! I'm sorry to just pop in out of the blue- I know I havent written here in a long while... I've had times where I've wanted to disconnect from my therapist for an extra week, but there I was, returning to him with my tail between my legs. I think the attachment becomes increasingly painful as soon as we recognize our utter helplessness in the situation. One moment you can be basking in the warmth of their affection, and the next moment you can be hit with the reality of it all. I'll never...Read More...

Thanks for the encouragement LG and Beebs I'm thinking about it - it's actually a lot scarier to do than I thought - bit like having a blog and I'm not sure I'm brave enough to do that. LLRead More...

(((DF))) If I understand correctly you are questioning (when you are triggered) if you are actually triggered or just expecting to be and then making yourself feel that way? I am not sure that the latter is possible nor do I think that is what you are doing. I think what you wrote above about not wanting to put narrative to it, but the feelings of being triggered still being there is a great way to approach this with T. As far as triggers getting better, yes they can get better. I have been...Read More...

BI, I can relate,and I think our Ts are used to their clients throwing in the towel from time to time. Therapy is hard work. Hopefully you are able to bounce back to a place where therapy feels good again.Read More...

((((JD)))) I know that feeling. I am wondering if it would feel safe to tell your T about this sudden longing for a hug? In that scenario, you aren't asking for a hug or setting yourself up for rejection, but just opening up the dialogue to feel things out and hopefully find out how your T feels about hugs and what Ts policy is about hugs.Read More...

Monte, thanks for saying that you see true caring in my T's caution. I just feel like a big bag of needs with holes all over. The needs are just flowing out those holes and T's jumping this way to get away from me and jumping that way to get away from me. I remember going to a psychic years ago and she told me that I have an odor (a bad one) only men can smell and she wanted to sell me a soap to bathe in that would get rid of the odor. It makes me sad that even back then, it was so obvious,...Read More...