MTF, I think what Monte said was dead on and very wise. I know that your T has said over and over again that she understands attachment, but I'm not sure that she's experienced with working with attachment injury as a core issue. I am sorry for the confusion and pain you're in. AGRead More...

Kashley, strm, yaku, lg, bb oh thank you so much! I did send my t and email saying please ignore first email! Somewhow at my appointment neither of us brought it up. It crossed my mind but then a million other things did. Either way, I think it was good I sent it because in a different way I ended up working on some of the same stuff I brought up in the email. I don't know if she read it or not, but the "please ignore previous email" email that I sent seemed to help my heart at least just...Read More...

Hi smiley, This is why I am on a break from therapy. I felt like I was wasting his time and my money. When I am feeling strong- it's all good, but there are times when it is tough and I mostly have to rely on my self. I wanted to see if I could do it. I do txt T once- about every 2 weeks. We briefly exchange ideas, and for now, that works much of the time- but not all. Sorry about the personal conflicts in t's schedule that are causing you angst.Read More...

Hm this topic has me divided. On the one hand I recognize that using the concept of ‘inner child’ can be helpful in learning to separate out and understand the different and often conflicting things that go in our heads, on the other hand I’ve never been able to get my head around this idea of there being a separate ‘part’ that is not me. For instance I would never be able to talk about a part of me that is ‘her’ or ‘she’, it’s all me/I (even though there are times I would very much like it...Read More...

Hello there Ninn, I hope your sessions with T and P went ok. If you feel up to it, let us know how you’re doing? LLRead More...

Aw AG, poor you, no wonder you needed a bit of support tooo. I hate the dentist (well, not the dentist himself as mine is very gentle and very gorgeous, both of which help ) .....but I hate going and the vulnerability of it all. Well done you for getting through, I am glad your T is there to help when you need him. Big hug, starfishyRead More...

Hi Nobeldaughter, I really just want to agree with everything BG said (she's a smart dinkum-thinkum! ) BPD is easy to confuse with complex PTSD as there is a lot of symptom overlap. And either way, at best, diagnoses are only a way to label something, but does not change the reality of what you need to do to heal. It's not what or who you are. Try not to spend too much time getting hung up on it. (My T hates diagnoses and only uses them for insurance purposes. His take is that each person is...Read More...

Thanks. He said he'd rather deal with the administrative stuff via text, because he didn't want any of my session time wasted on it. So, we talked about it a bit, but only the difficult feelings it brought up around needing help and how I was trapped with both yes and no being scary and painful. It sounds like he will call, although I'm not sure, and we'll see what happens. He tried to act positive about me having another option (for our financial situation or eventually if I feel I have...Read More...

I know it's very hard to receive news like this. However, cancer is no longer a death sentence. Here's the key: Your sister and you need to live well... rather than living like death is imminent. I suggest you google "cancer support" where you live and see if any organizations come up that focus on "survivorship" and living well with cancer. The best thing you two can do is reach out for support.Read More...

I love these too. They lighten everything and make me smile.Read More...

Hi Lady Grey, I want to thank you for your response. I understand what you were saying. I did not think you were accusing me at all. I appreciate your understanding. Right now I am in my rational mind about this. I think my emotional mind is spent. I had already decided to send a much shorter letter but not to T1- the one who mishandled it. I sent it to T5 who runs the program where T1 works. In addition, T5 and I had a personal relationship as advocates for families who have kids with...Read More...

Thank you LG- Maybe what I mean is that...in his therapisty way, he could *like* to forget about me...i.e., not be at all emotionally involved, have no emotional reaction of his own to me and my failed treatment- which is what as a therapist he is supposed to do, but it just hurts. I'm really, really hurt that he would promise to respond and then not do so. I'm hurt that he would do that to himslef as a therapist,, because, even if it is just forgetfulness, it is unprofessional. If it is...Read More...

hah, don't worry, LL, I tend to intellectualize my Christianity far too much, and most of this is just my own analogy/suppositions and could be *way* off the mark. I don't think you are a heathen at all! I just found it interesting and thought I'd be brave and share my thoughts, after deleting much more innocuous ones posted earlier.. Go figure. It sounds like an interesting read!Read More...

Thanks everyone for the moral support! BG & STRM, you are right that if she didn't want to risk running into me then its her own fault for telling me about it and encouraging me to go. And I know she's BTDT with her own kids, although I can't help thinking she was probably a much more competent parent than I am. But hey, I've never pretended to be a perfect parent to her before either. LG, you always make me laugh. Yeah, I should have marched right into session today and demanded to know...Read More...

Jane, I know that in my case the longing to be hugged and held safely, in a completely non-sexual way, has been just below the surface for about half of my therapy. My T officially said no to physical contact when we started doing the interviewing. I told him that means most likely no access to young ones, because that's where they're at. He said he would pray about that, so who knows, maybe at least a pat on the shoulder or something sometime in the future. Anyway, I think if you have been...Read More...

Jane, I felt sad reading your post. I'm feeling the same way right now. I reached the goal I had when I went into therapy (simply, 'to stop crying'), but it seems that I "should" have more goals....why do I feel this way, because of my T's judgements about my life, some of which I agree with. I have new goals, therefore, that developed through this past year of therapy. I feel like I can't achieve them, though, so I feel like therapy is over for me. My T said she hasn't given up on me,...Read More...

Hi Sea-Green, I agree with LadyGrey that these feelings are normal and worth exploring with your T. I too have had 'irrational anger' toward my T (like getting angry she emailed me from her iphone or getting angry at her for having a cup of coffe during our session!!)...sometimes I bring it up with her and explore it and this has helped immensely to 'normalize' my feelings and/or help me judge my feelings less....I also think that if you switched to a female T that these issues (anger,etc)...Read More...

how are ya doing there, JD?? Thinking of you. Hope you are well. Sorry if I missed stuff. I am a bit disjointed on the forum lately. how are things with your T?Read More...

I'm 34, never had a relationship, haven't even had a date for about 8 years. I guess all of my stuff has prevented me from meeting someone. I don't feel ready to date but my T is all for it, I guess if I wait until I'm ready I never will. I've recently signed up to an online dating site and I'm also stuggling with all the endless questions! Everytime I think I'm getting there and I could start to meet people things get bad and I think well how can I meet someone when I'm miserable and how do...Read More...

Hi GG... you are not alone we are here to listen to you. Liese does make some good points. Sometimes taking any little step will lead to something really good that will brighten your mood. I realize holidays are really rough. And I do understand that being alone can hurt a lot. Maybe you can wander the mall (lots of good sales right now) and distract yourself for a little while. Make yourself something good to eat and watch a silly movie. Right now I'm off to clean bathrooms. Lots of fun.Read More...

Thanks so much STRM, Beebs, FOT, Ninn and LG for your support. Just to be clear ... July 1st was the beginning of the end.... not the day he actually abandoned me, although he did abandon me in an emotional and therepeutic sense. He would never after that day do therapy with me. I tried. I really tried. I brought things in, I wrote him a letter expressing my confidence in him and our relationship to finish what I started in therapy, I read to him from books. I tried everything I could think...Read More...

That is really interesting. Thanks for posting R2G!Read More...

Hey Morgs...right back atcha.. love you, BeebsRead More...

Thanks for the suggestion LG. I find it so much easier to drink my calories rather than eat them, but according to my doctor, that isn't good enough. I had 3 smoothies today - nearly 40 grams of protein between the three, and enough calories, I hope, to balance the 20 minute workout I did before dinner. Sigh.... It's just been one of those days where NOTHING feels right, I'm so glad it's just about over.Read More...

I disasociate but I would have no idea on naming anything. I am not DID. I am not certain I would even understand what I was naming. Good luck with it.Read More...