Yes, dr, I have experienced much of what you write about ( and still do). The best I can say to you is hold tight, do not make any major decisions regarding your feelings and give it time. Be gentle with your wife and family, and don't expect them to understand- most likely they won't because your experience is not theirs. As you work through your issues, your feelings may change. My T calls it "the ebb and flow" of the relationship. My T allow me to work out relationships with him. He says...Read More...

(((((LG))))) Haha, I agree that we are a lot alike. However, I am trying to learn to give up on the idea of coping on my own. Because I suck at it. Very badly!!!Read More...

I don't see why T2 couldn't just say, "Oh, well this is just an issue of semantics. If that is the way you mean 'gay,' than I was just misunderstanding, because I have a different definition for it." Then, she could have explored how you felt about it and let go of her need to control the definition. Blah. I think that would have been more useful, even to her knowledge of you, than fight over something that is obviously a matter of definition (and one that is VERY important to you). I doubt...Read More...

Well, whoever starts the thread can claim, "Starting this thread," as a positive step, right?Read More...

What about some time consciously thinking about your hands and looking at them? I lost alot of weight and am amazed at how my hands look different and feel different too. Have you every just spent 10 mins just examining your hands, noticing where the veins and how you fingers move or don't move. Just enjoying the sheer awe of these wonderfully created things at the ends of our arms? Looking at the lines on your hands? wondering if they really mean anything? CatnipRead More...

Thanks, LG. I'll take your word on it and I'm sure my T is out there thanking you for saving him even more ridiculous texts!Read More...

TN - thanks for your response. Yes she always does this. She's very busy and then has her family time after nine. I think at least a response would be good but what do I know? Anyway, don't want to change T - just want to finish this.Read More...

That scenario sounds very comforting, Yaku. I hope you are able to get this from your T some day.Read More...

No, but that's a good place for me to start. I could ask her about that. Mostly she has just talked about how difficult it is for me to form attachments to people because of my past (my father was my attachment figure and he died a few weeks after my 16 bday and my mom was not really there for me growing up). So we haven't really talked about theories regarding attachment. Mostly just have been talking about how scary it is for me.Read More...

Yaku - no need to apologize. Thanks for being here.Read More...

Thanks STRM, I know it's totally normal to be feeling like this. I looked up more about the area and it's not that bad i guess... there is a nice bakery where I could grab a tea before our session just around the corner.Read More...

Loved it!! Thanks for sharing!Read More...

Dang DF I come to read your threads at the wrong time and end up only seeing deleted posts, but like others have sort of gathered what this thread was about. It sounds like your session was pretty positive though despite all the feelings of shame you are being attacked by. That you do art which expresses how you feel strikes me as something you might be able to use more in your therapy. I know you struggled big time here even thinking about offering your T something emotionally meaningful to...Read More...

I like this: "Despair asks us to find meaning in the midst of apparent chaos or meaninglessness. Making meaning out of suffering is the basis for the human capacity to survive evil and transcend it." "the purpose of these dark emotions (fear despair and grief) is evident when we can experience them mindfully, tolerate their intense energies, and let them be." She talks a lot about our "emotion-phobic" culture that teaches us to suppress anything painful rather than just let it be. she says...Read More...

Hi, Mrs. P. It's ok to post only when you need to or are able to- I think most of us do that, and that's totally normal and not selfish or anything. I'm sorry you seem to still be struggling with this stuff. Are you still seeing your old T? BBRead More...

bb, Thank you for sharing this. Liese, Thank you for inspiring bb to share this. So much to aspire to.... seablueRead More...

Mama, Thanks for the recommendation. I've read both their Boundaries and Boundaries in Marriage and found them very helpful. I read Boundaries literally decades ago and was totally clueless about them, it's one of the best books on the subject I've ever read. But I haven't read this one, I'll have to check it out. AGRead More...

Thanks for the hugs Yaku, sending some to you for your session tonight as well! (((((Yaku))))) I admit it, I'm quite attached to my T. It doesn't make this work any easier, though. 7:45 on a Monday night and I'm already heading to bed. It's exhausting living inside my head these days.Read More...

seablue - I'm sure T knows how much you are hurting and isn't judging you. I can understand how horrible it feels to "waste time" being disconnected or distant. I would hazard a guess that it's a protective measure. Try to be gentle with yourself, if you can. I think your hurt, your anger and your protective feelings are all very normal and relatable from my perspective. I wish I could do more than empathize, but I'm here for you. ((((((hugs))))))Read More...

Welcome here sugarshild...thank you for sharing your email to your T with us. Your feelings of longing for a father resonate very strongly with me. I'm sorry you are bearing so much pain. I hope that your days get better and better. Nice to meet you, BBRead More...

UV, The good news is: you can feel. The bad news is: it sucks, doesn't it? ((((HUGS)))) LieseRead More...

(((((((((BB)))))))))) I understand the blanking all too well. It happens to me too and I happen to KNOW I trust my T more than anyone except my husband. I am not exaggerating here. After eight months, I communicate with him deep, vulnerable stuff more often and more easily than ANY other person except the guy who has been sharing my bed for almost eight years and I've been with for over 12. And, sometimes I even have an easier time talking to T than H. That said, I still often have trouble...Read More...

Morgs, Sorry I should have put a note here. This is an old thread from last November that I remembered, so I tracked it down and moved it here. AGRead More...