R2G, I've been in that numb place before and it really sucks! It's like feeling like a corked bottle that is all shaken up, but you can't uncork it and let the pressure out. The good news is that eventually you will be able to let some of it out. Hopefully slowly and gradually so it won't be too overwhelming. I don't think it's sad that you are looking forward to having more support. It sounds like you could really use it. Hang in there!Read More...

Seablue, I'm glad that your T is back safely. I'm sorry you haven't had a chance to tell her what happened with the other T. HOpefully, you will be able to do that on Friday. Is there not any way that the child's mother can watch her and take some time off? Personally, I would just tell her you have a doctor's appointment and you need her to make other arrangements. It really should be on her to find back-up care, not you. That is just my humble opinion though. I hope that your session on...Read More...

Hi Irish Rose, Gosh, how those words ring true. If you read some of the posts here you will find another person who gave a detailed account of how to tell how many drinks the person had had based on the sound of their voice and choice of words. My Mom is EXACTLY the same. She very rarely doesn't drink, but even from the first glass of Chardonnay she begins to change. Three or more and she's "tipsy". Now I understand the word better because they really do wave about like they are going to tip...Read More...

LOL, thanks for the laugh. I really needed it. Since my trauma stuff has come up, I'm wishing I could connect with women more easily. If I'm honest with myself, I don't even want to be near any man that I see as even remotely capable of being attracted to me or think about being intimate with H, other than out of loving him. I guess it can't always be this way...Read More...

LG I think it would be really difficult to be so close to her knowing she offered to see you and have PIZZA together and then NOT go! I don't know if I'd be able to say no to that. I like the idea of a double session or a 2 day session as it may take a little bit to get used to seeing her right there in front of you. But it's a great opportunity to connect. Good luck with this. TNRead More...

FF, I think if she offered that you can take her offer at face value and accept it if that works best for you. Hopefully she meant it and won't be resentful later. I doubt that she would be. I understand why it is hard to accept though. Good luck and keep us posted!Read More...

Liese I'm so pleased you've sorted some of the problem and thank you for your words of encouragement and to any of you who reached out also. I'm totally gobsmacked by what some of you have posted - in a good way - true courage, candour and care!! Much of it was like looking in a mirror Need to read and think a bit before even attempting to post. This is a great community and I really hope I can become part of it again. MorgsRead More...

Hi Quilter, Sorry I am late to the discussion but do you mind if I toss something into the mix? You're reaction makes total sense to me if viewed through a lens of disorganized attachment. We are biologically driven to seek out our attachment figures to meet our needs, the drive becomes especially strong when we are in distress. My T calls what you're talking about "the bind" our desire to move closer for connection and comfort and our absolute terror at getting it. A long time ago we...Read More...

Glad to hear that your session went well. My brain is failing me for words right now, but thanks so much for sharing your experience. (((((((((Kashley)))))))))))Read More...

MTF, Good to see you. Thank you for your support. I think I have decided that I will at least meet the T at some point, but not before processing everything I am feeling with my T. My pattern has been to either run away or supress my own feelings and forgive out of embarrassment for my feelings and also for fear of hurting the other person with my feelings. I am beginning to see that this will be a valuable experience even though it is very unpleasant. The way I handle it will be good...Read More...

MTF It was good to hear about your session and that your T seems like she is really trying to help you and connect with you. I can see that she is responding to your tentative opening up and reaching out towards her. And I don't mean tentative in a bad way at all... we are all like that in taking the small steps in trusting our T in order to allow more vulnerability. You just went through a serious rupture and it would be healthy to be cautiously optimistic. While I still think she talks...Read More...

What a tricky day for you! I'm happy your laptop is fixed again. And I have had days like that, yaku... they are no fun at all! Take good care.Read More...

Butterfly, I read your thread, and I'm sorry your T said that to you, it made me feel a little bit achy because hearing that would leave me feeling confused, too. I think that you can be more independent and stronger/healthier...AND deserve and be worthy of love and nurturing and support! I don't have any wise words, but I'm thinking of you and hoping your T has some words which can help soothe you when you meet with your T again.Read More...

My T1 said there wasn't anything she could do to report someone. I didn't ask why, but maybe it has to do with how many years have passed or perhaps it is indeed related to confidentiality, but she did say she wouldn't be able to tell anyone.Read More...

Ruby - Of course, I don't mind! It is actually very relieving to know that someone can identify these exact same feelings (states or selves even). I really appreciate you sharing your experiences here.Read More...

I sent the PM to the MyShrink Editor, because I thought that was the right one to do. I haven't been around long enough to know there was a separate Shrinklady account to send to. I got a PM responding to that today and have been given access.Read More...

LG, I was really moved by reading this and I am pleased that you were finally able to grieve your own loss and that it was a healing expereince for you. I am however really sorry you had to experience both losses in the first place . Thank you for sharing this, this really gives me hope. (((LG))) ButterflyRead More...

DF, This sounds like typical crazy making behavior that is so common in abusive situations. It is enough to drive anyone mad and is so confusing. First off, it may be that your mother is being genuine in her emails and isn't trying to manipulate or bait you at all. Given the heavy use of substances, I'd venture to guess that it is possible that they don't even remember a good deal of the horrible things that they did or said to you. So, like you did to survive, they have also...Read More...

LL you couldn't have said it better. Yaku, I so get this. I actually have severe adverse reactions when I get complimented. I get completely nauseous and go numb. It's an automatic response, and I really don't like it, but have no other coping mechanisms. I so don't feel deserving of anything good coming back to me, it's my job to send the good out to the world. Hopefully, when I'm in a better place of being able to receive "good" things, there will still be some out there for me.Read More...

its nice to see you starfish and LL - sorry, meant to say hi earlier, lovely to see you again! MH, i am glad everyone is being so supportive of you, those are the voices to listen to puppetRead More...

Thanks AG for thinking of us I love it too, starfishRead More...

***Triggers - forgot to add that I don't have access yet, either, but did send a message*** Hi Springreen, I didn't SI for a long time until I started therapy (and it was a while into it before I started). What triggered it is that I remembered a time when I was really young that I hurt myself, and I've had a tough time since remembering that. I'm not all that verbal about it, even though I have mentioned it on here before, but I also have an ED and struggle with alcohol. But these behaviors...Read More...

((((Yaku)))) Thank you so much for sharing. Maybe it feels a bit scary to post, that but I'm super glad you did. I feel a bit honored that you would share that with us. Btw, you are a beautiful writer! I am moved by what you wrote. It's very profound... As far as the content of that entry, first let me say, you don't sound crazy or anything like that at all. (just incase the reassurance helps) It is well written, like the other entries. It does have a different feel to it than the other two...Read More...

1. My superhero power would be to fly. I used to have the most amazing dreams when I was kid about being able to fly and can still feel the poignant sadness each time I would wake and realize I couldn't really fly. It was such an incredible feeling. 2. If I could spend a day with my T, I would want to go out on his sailboat for the day. I LOVE to sail. Being on a sailboat is a place where I feel very grounded and very clearly myself and often experience a deep sense of joy. To be able to...Read More...

Yeah, I PMed as soon as it came up last night. I was up with insomnia. I'm just being silly...I'm not really that impatient (yet), but thanks, AG!Read More...