It's been a long day that has left me exhausted in every way and I'm so tired I can barely think straight. But in the midst of my own stuff, those in Japan who are going through such pain and devasation, continue to be on my heart and mind. My tears keep breaking through the suface. Before I fall asleep, I just wanted to quickly say that I am so glad for what everyone has shared. It helps a lot... I'm so thankful for you all. I hope to come back and write more later. I'm glad this thread has...Read More...

I have 85 friends on FB. Sometimes I feel like de-friending the people who have hundreds of friends because they probably won't even know I'm gone (but de-friending people who have less than 100 means they'd be able to find out who the rat was). DF - you crack me up, I have a friend on FB who's a pastor/author and he's always posting up pictures of the food he eats when he's traveling. I love it. My daughter and husband like to cook so sometimes they'll put up a picture of what they made.Read More...

BB, I experience exactly what you are talking about. I have an Angry state, an Anxious state and a Victim (scared) state that come out and F--- my life up. I have two functional states (Caregiver and Intellectual) that help me get by. When Angry or Victim take over, I think and do things that make no sense at other times. When they go away, the thoughts and actions no longer make sense, as if I was a different person, but aware of everything that happened. I always just assumed it was...Read More...

Tom Cruise all the way. At least, he drives ME insane! Worst case of denial ever. According to Tom, depression doesn't exist. It's all pseudoscience (but remember, Scientology is pure science ).Read More...

Sadly, I am happy that you are getting this out of your head and being able to share it with current T and get the reassurance that you are in no way to blame for what happened. It makes me sick to know that oldT is practicing in the UK. UGH. Sick.Read More...

hi twin, i've been thinking about how you're coping and i'm glad you're getting some support here. i'm sorry to say i missed out and i didn't know PG very well, she seemed lovely and so caring and her love of icecream (and life) brought lightness and joy to this forum. my heart breaks for your loss. i have a sister whom i'm very close to and i can't even imagine losing her. i hope you can still feel her presence through the memories you share and i hope that will begin to bring you comfort...Read More...

thank you jane, you are so sweet to think of me! i'm afraid i've been keeping myself busy and in denial but now i'm falling apart again. i suppose i have to feel it at some stage... i had this vision of a little girl (me) frantically searching through this big dark old house, kept opening doors and trying to see through the darkness and she wouldn't give up, kept looking even though she was tired, even though she had looked in those dark rooms only moments earlier...... and i'm at a complete...Read More...

Of course I ignored the trigger warning. And of course I am crying now. I can cry for a fictional girl in a video, but not for the "little girl" I was (still am somewhere deep down) who had so many awful experiences. Hrm...love dissociation. But, also, it makes me so proud about how hard I am working with H to keep our family together and give my little girl a different life. I don't want to forget that I had a choice, just a year ago, that could have meant a very different home and...Read More...

So glad you have such a fun connection with T1 and that your courage to text her paid off. I know this vacation will be so much easier on you now. Praying things go well with T2!!!Read More...

Well yesterday sucked balls. I did not do well with the food, but I didn't let myself get into the danger zone. I don't have an ED, but I have some major food allergies that make me pretty sick. I actually tried to make other plans for today, but as seemed to be the pattern for this weekend, they fell through as well. LG - I did end up watching some movies I had DVRd, and am catching up on a few TV shows I DVRd as well. I cleaned, too, which I hate to do, so it was a productive way to get my...Read More...

Ugh, having a P.A.D. moment right now. How about this one: -Suddenly and irrationally projecting that everyone hates you (or is at least irritated with you) and getting the urge to delete your account and go hide under a (virtual) rock. Blah. Sometimes I wish I could take my brain out of my head and wash it.Read More...

So... MTF.... how was the tiramisu? Translated from the Italian it means "pull me up or pick me up" which is because it's doused with espresso coffee LOL and does wake you up LOL. I'm glad to hear things went well but that is because you were courageous enough to put it all out there on the line. It's been a rough few weeks for you but you hung in there. I'll bet you also taught her a few things along the way. I wouldn't shred or burn your journals because at some point it will be important...Read More...

Incognito I'm sorry the past days have been so hellish for you but I am so pleased to see how well you worked through it and it seems that you have just taken a big step forward. Regarding the quote above... your T really does understand that he will have to keep reassuring you and reminding you and discussing your trust issues and put them into the context of your past. He has no problem doing that and you need to hear him that it's okay and it does not mean you are going backwards. It's...Read More...

BB, Read on another thread that you asked for and got weekly sessions. So happy for you.Read More...

I knew that posting here would make me feel a little better! Thanks everyone for your responses. Here is a little more info. in response to your questions. I will respond to each individually because it is a lot. Springgreen- My reservations about Consult T... she has just one review written about her online and it is horrible... sounds like someone was really mad at her like I am mad at my t. right now. Then I mentioned her to an acquaintance who works in the mental health field around here...Read More...

No worries, Monte. The whole point of being in therapy is to connect me to this stuff, right? I doubt I would have even remembered that incident without your trigger...and now I have more therapy material, right? I think my mother was by far the more "dangerous" parent, and unpredictable, so I may have had to dissociate much more heavily in my experiences with her. This is probably especially true, because after my dad remarried when I was 10, I only saw/heard from him on weekends for a...Read More...

Thisismycatface, Please don't worry about having taken the messages down. Your session is so similar to what i need to have the nerve to do soon, that when it was gone i wondered if i had imagined it was there. It is inspiration Thank you for sharing, CNCRead More...

Very interested in hearing about this book. I just put it on hold at my library, but if anyone has read it, please share! (PM is fine, too, if you don't want to spoil it!)Read More...

Yeah, thanks Liese. I posted about it in my phone session thread.Read More...

I think my P often shows how hesitant he is when he is talking, to 'allow' me to not be so embarrassed about being hesitant myself. He also is very good at admitting when he makes a mistake - which has the knock on effect of making me feel very safe: if he is open about making mistakes then I am not having to second guess what is going on when he is making a mistake and might cover it up, for example. I know they are trained to listen to their own feelings and body sensations which could be...Read More...

LG - Thanks, this was a really helpful way of looking at it. 1. If they don't make things much worse, I would give them a few months. If things get very bad, I don't know if I could be patient at all. 2. I would probably be willing to try three times or maybe six months worth of trying. 3. With my H's condition and struggles, it doesn't matter if I have drive. Even now, struggling with my weird intimacy flashback type stuff and not wanting to, we still do. I know that is probably not healthy...Read More...

Yes, I think you should tell her exactly what you have written here, because those sort of thoughts about how she is feeling about you will become a block to you trusting her with (perhaps very important) stuff if you let yourself start hiding it. It is more difficult to stop hiding things if you let it go on a while, so since you are just aware of it now, it will probably be a lot easier to bring it up. Otherwise, your feelings about it will fade and you will think, "Oh, no big deal, it was...Read More...

Hi, UV. I've read with interest, and hope it works itself out. I wish I was able to look at myself in therapy with such a curious, non-judgemental eye. I like the way you are able to do that, and just wanted to say it's really, really instructive to me. I find my emotions run the show, feelings of deprivation take over and I make little progress, but rather get into a slump. I wish I could "get serious" about my therapy the way you seem to be able to do, UV. I like reading your thoughts! BBRead More...

Happy Birthday Morgs. Hope you had a wonderful day. ButterflyRead More...