((((MAYO)))) Sorry to hear about your Mom. Will be praying for her and you and your family.Read More...

I had meant to reply to this message and then forgot. I usually have the problem of having way too much to write. There are times I can come back from therapy and write five pages (single spaced!) about my experience or the thoughts that emerged. When I do get blocked, though, I just leave it alone. I find that if there is something that needs to get out, it will be nagging me soon enough. If it is nagging me, but I just don't have the words to get it out, I try to objectively describe my...Read More...

I second that sentiment. ((((((((DF))))))))Read More...

(((((BB)))))Read More...

I feel that a professional T should be well aware that vague suggestions like this could easily be misinterpreted, even if it was not intended to be taken seriously. I'm sorry, but I feel that he should more careful with his clients.Read More...

Yaku, I am so happy to hear that you heard back from T.Read More...

Oh, if it's like what Monte is saying, then YES, that happens all the time. I think I misunderstood!Read More...

LG, Funny thread!! DF, can you share your T's interpretation? Only if you want. To my T: I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. T: Yes, Is that it? Me: No, that's not it. I hate you a lot. I hate you even more. I hate you for making this so hard for me and not giving me what I need. I hate you for thinking that I'm coming to see you because I'm hoping this relationship will develop into a romantic relationship. I hate you because you are not appreciating how much I want to heal. Whew, I feel...Read More...

Hugs Pixie, this must be very difficult for you. My mother is a narcissist and thinks the whole world revolves around her and if you try and have a different opinion than her then look out. The knives are out. I choose not to see my mother or my sisters (my father has passed away) and life is so much more peaceful. The drama they caused on a daily basis was too much to cope with and it was bliss to get away from it. Good luck.Read More...

I am right there with you! Most times I have no idea what I feel. I sympathize with your pain - it's frustrating and scary to not understand what you feel.Read More...

thanks sadly. i really appreciate your kind wordsRead More...

Thanks for the understanding, Monte. I end up with a lot eyeballs/faces sometimes as well. But, I don't even pay attention to what I'm doodling. It's almost completely unconscious. Last session, I put my notebook on the table, so I could stay "there" with him, which he liked. I picked it up six times in 30 minutes (unconsciously) and one time started leaning over the table and drawing again. It took me a significant amount of effort to even realize I was doing it unintentionally and stop...Read More...

Along those same lines: This is a Christian Resource I believe Live Online Crisis CounselingRead More...

I want to text T so badly right now and just tell him how scared I am about our session tonight. I'm afraid that him "slowing" me down will mean we don't connect tonight...that it will be an intellectual exercise or a sermon. And I am dreading sitting across that table from him. I hate the way it divides us and I hate the way I want to break it (it's glass) when I'm feeling upset. And, mostly, I am scared to death of the crash that is going to come when he says it's time to wrap up. And he...Read More...

Yaku: Sure, no problem! DF: (((hugs))) I'm sorry you feel so tired, but I understand.Read More...

R2G, I have that same problem around texts. I either go all or nothing on them. And it actually hurts (almost physically) when he tells me to text as much as I feel like it, touch base whenever needed. It's HARD to receive that kind of care!!!Read More...

I used to share all my thoughts and feelings with my h. I learned that it is not a good thing for me to do, as he gets absorbed into me. What I am looking for now is for my h to become his own person, and not need me to make him feel ok about himself. I want it to become a strong and loving adult relationship. Right now that means ignoring a lot of my h's pleas silent and not so sielnt, for me to be dishonest or fused into him. I think...but that's me. My h is...different from most men. Very.Read More...

Sometimes for me LG it's that there is something I want to talk about but can't or don't have the thoughts organized enough in my head and I'm hoping T will pull them out of me. But you could be onto something with her break coming up. Maybe it's not an intentional thing on her part. Or maybe, you are sad because you will miss her?Read More...

(((((JD))))) I'm sorry about how hard it is to talk about and process all the bad things. I want to send you hugs and prayers. You don't deserve to feel this way about yourself, you a a sweetheart. hugs, BBRead More...

I have lots of dreams about T1. I've only had two dreams about T2. The first dream I broke into her garage and organized it for her. In the second dream, we went on a field trip to a rug factory that she apparently owned.Read More...

T just sent another text where she finally said all the right things that I want to hear. So now I'm confused about what to feel. This thread is getting a bit long. I will start a new thread here: Sequel .Read More...

Interesting poll. Right now, I'm home with my daughter, but also doing childcare for another toddler, so it's like being a teacher, kind of, on a small scale. Most of my career has been in Admin work, because I like helping/supporting people and I tend to aim well below my abilities in order to have sure success (seriously, you can imagine how embarrassing the question, "Oh, you went to Stanford, what do you do for a living?" is when you answer, "Admin" or "Childcare." I know these are...Read More...

Just found out that my T is "95% sure" we'll be meeting on Tuesday night, not Monday night. Wish he could have this stuff figured out in advance, but he has to wait for other clients to get back to him. Feeling so triggered about having to wait two more days to see him. It's RIDICULOUS to feel this way. Managed to wait my way through some bad inclinations, but they're still not going away as of yet...kind of building on me and writing, distracting myself isn't working so far. I'm surrounded...Read More...

I think you made a great decision in the end. I know it's super hard to tell of SI. It will help. The more you talk about it, the more your T can help, and the easier in the long run it will be to beat it. I think it is pretty unlikely your T will think you are making it up for attention or anything like that. You shouldn't feel ashamed. You were honest and authentic, and seeking help and healing - all very wonderful things. Try to be kind to you, althought I know it is super hard to risk...Read More...

Sorry. I didn't need to drag out anything difficult. Thanks for the empathy and information. No, I'm not on meds of any kind. H doesn't want me on them, because he's worried they might increase my bad thoughts. I actually have annihilation fears about meds making me "not me" anymore, so while I considered them when T gave the option, I ended up choosing not to see the Dr.Read More...