Jane, I am so happy to hear that the check-in call was helpful for you and that you are feeling better than you were. (((hugs)))Read More...

I often feel this way, MF. Its so frustrating when we can't access our feelings when we want to, but then when we don't want to access them, they seem to creep in and take over us...and of course that NEVER happens in therapy!Read More...

He said "Codependency No More" or something like that and I think I had a youth pastor give me a book called "Codependent No More" when I got kicked out of my mom's house my senior year of high school.Read More...

Yes, you are reading too much into that, PF. I think she was trying to get you to see that there are always options available to you. Ts seem to have this incessant need to make sure we at all times are making a conscious decision to be coming to therapy with them, that we don't feel pressured or forced, etc. She just wants you to be aware that you are making a choice to be there, that even though its difficult at times, therapy with her is where you want to be.Read More...

Hi Yak thanks for your answer, you are right it is all I talk about these days. I went through a big trauma three years ago (stalked) and she was there for me then and since and it is just lately that she doesn't want me to talk about any of it, that I should just pull myself together and get on with my life. What life? BB I can't pretend, I am not well enough. I am not callng much either. LG, yes she is punishing at times. It is her way or the highway and always has been. No I am not sure,...Read More...

Halo, I'm so sorry to hear about the regrets. It isn't your fault. I know about ect, not from personal experience, I'll admit, but from a friend- who ended up much more depressed afterwards- it really did a number on this person- but people pressured him to do it when he was really vulnerable, and in need of his attachment figure who was leaving him- so he listened to his attachment figure, his son- and did it, because he kind of had no choice anymore. It is very hard when we get really...Read More...

TN, He is a blessing. I am so touched by what he said to you that he's more worried you are going to leave him. Yes, I am doing Mondays and Thursdays like you. Glad you are still feeling good.Read More...

Vacation? What's that? Enjoy - you've earned it!!!Read More...

Congrats on the removing the emotional blockage that allowed the tears to develop! That's huge growth! This is good awareness. Maybe share that with your T, if you haven't already? Whatever it was, good, good, good work! (((((LG)))))Read More...

I mean- he needs to accept that he has wounded you deeply, and try to find an attitude of repentance for that wounding inside. Not just you- he has to do it too. But it's difficult, and exhausting and painful work. It should be the same for him, as you. Not just you carrying the whole burden. but both of you sharing it. So says my T anyway.Read More...

wow,1948! (dusting off the article)....that looks like an interesting read. going to read that later tonight. thanks for sharing it, UV!Read More...

it's such a great metaphor...my shoes definitely aren't doing it. I like that this kid is clearly ok with it. I want to be like her when I grow up.Read More...

Thanks, paranoid. Whew. No, we have not talked to our old pastor since H called him for a referral over a year ago!Read More...

When I go silent, T sometimes makes suggestions or asks questions to get me to describe what is going on in my head. I get pretty embarrassed that I sometimes have to say I don't know or it seems like literally nothing...or worse, that I am incapable of putting words to the thoughts and feelings kicking around in there. I have told him how much I hate myself for silent, unproductive sessions, so he tries to gently push, which really is what I want from him. I just wish I knew how to break...Read More...

Thanks for asking, TN. I had my session last night...unless you mean the phone session, which I am still waiting to have scheduled. Last night's session, I just felt I couldn't get across to him how heavy the transference stuff is and its interference with daily functioning. I texted/emailed him about it and now he's offering a phone session, so I'm assuming there is stuff we need to talk about. Though, that might be because I told him I'm seriously considering quitting right now...I just...Read More...

Debbye, how interesting that you got a feedback sheet from your T! I think that would make me feel both self-conscious but also kind of special that my T was paying attention to things. How sneaky that he wasn't telling you that he was doing that! Huh. AG, your final story about your T saying that he could still see you was a great one. Thanks for sharing that. It does make me feel like you two really have a connection (usually my T's attempts at humor at me are failures--except one time I...Read More...

So, so, SO agreed with wanting "to cancel the next appointment so I never have to miss her again. ugh." Ugh, indeed! I am like that too, but usually it really kicks in after a couple of days. The first little bit after a session, I generally feel more connected with my humanity and with my feelings. After a couple of days, though, I'm like, "Okay, I want to see my T again, but I can't, so I just want to be over with this already!" But I'm never really over it. So, I start to really miss my T...Read More...

Hi Twin, it is just lovely to have you here. Thank you for joining us. I hope this place will make you feel a bit closer to PG. I'm so very glad to see that you have joined us. I'm sorry I didn't comment sooner, but I've been missing lots and lots of threads lately, and simply didn't see this one until today! Love, BBRead More...

Room 2 grow- I like your fantasy version. (Except my T is a guy- so it might be weird)Read More...

You go DF!! A fresh start in a positive directionRead More...

Yaku I remember that lost feeling. I had a difficult time learning to listen to myself and figure out what I wanted and needed. But that is what therapy was all about. My T created a safe place I could play and explore in to figure out who I really was and want I really wanted. It's really an incredible feeling when you get there. AGRead More...

((((((Sadly))))))) From everything you've described about your P, I'm sure he will understand. He is right, you DO have enormous courage!!!Read More...

Thanks. I feel like I communicated the idea, but not the symptoms. And so, maybe I felt like he didn't understand how distressing it is, because I kept saying, "This attachment and dependency stuff is distressing," and saying how it was really heavy. He asked me why and tried to get at my thoughts underneath the idea, but I left feeling like he got the concept, but not the weight or even the fact that it was 99.99% directed at him, I guess. So, I sent him an email detailing some of the...Read More...

Thanks Jones, that is really encouraging. I'm doubting your words, of course, since they are so positive, but I'm also taking them in. I do fear that I am isolating and that is certainly one of my motives- to disappear, or at least, cease to exist to my T because it's safer than how angry I feel at my T for abandoning me in pain and not loving me. It's all about the money. I just can't afford him, and he doesn't give a shit. In fact, he's piling it all onto me just when I need him the most,...Read More...

Liese, BB, Yaku, LG, STRM ~ thank you all so much for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers... I feel like I have been hit by a truck. I mixed up the appointment times for my regular T, but we were able to talk on the phone. Then I got to go see my eq T. It went well. I felt a lot better and much more settled. Then a couple hours after, I think I had like a seperation anxiety attack. I called my regular T, and just told her what was going on. I didn't ask for a call back, but she called me...Read More...