I still find it hard to be open about some things - I think we take a long time to really open up and some things will take a while no matter how good the T is. WE can only go at the pace we feel comfortable at and all that. I feel safe with my P but somethings are just so hard to say, so hard to have known, so hard to bring out of the dark in my mind and into the light of being seen and heard. I wish you luck with it all. My only way through is keep talking and being honest and feeling and...Read More...

Still waiting for P to call me with an appointment time. Constantly have this anxious feeling. I wish he would call. I'd still have that anxious feeling but for a different reason--I'd have to talk about all the stuff that happened last weekend and I'd be anxious about that. GRRRRRRRead More...

With T2, I am constantly either terminating my therapy or canceling appointments with her. With T1, I tell her things and ask her not to tell T2 or I try to make her mad at me or disappointed in me. I try to see how far I can go before she decides I am too much to deal with. She has said that she will NEVER terminate me and I am determined to prove her wrong! lolRead More...

Well, it was actually me who said it in a kind of reflection about he said last week about my feeling guilty about needing anyone except God and maybe my husband being perhaps just a guise for my defense mechanism of not allowing myself to need at all. I didn't go into detail with T yesterday, because he knows all this already, but needing wasn't very safe. At home (and I'm talking pre-teen/teen years here, because the chaos of earlier years makes it hard to demonstrate any consistent...Read More...

P.S. Good luck tomorrow.Read More...

I met my husband when I started going to church a few months before my 17th birthday. I didn't have a ride home and he tricked me into giving me one. We were friends for over a year (because I was dating someone else). When I got dumped, he asked me out about a month later, after getting "permission" from my ex to do so. So, we dated for most of my senior year and all the way through my time at Stanford. We got married six days after I graduated. It was stressful to plan a wedding at that...Read More...

Well, last night he randomly came up to me and said he was "sorry for not being there as much as [I need him]." He didn't talk with the counselor about it, it was just something that was on his heart. He gave the example of telling me he didn't want to be my second therapist and said he was feeling really bad about it. This gave me the opportunity to explain that it's not that he's not there for me in the amount that I need, but just not in the way that I need. I told him I really did...Read More...

It went really, really well. The best ever. So, of course, I am now scared $#!+less!!! Why does he keep insisting on making me feel safe with him? It seems almost certain that he will eventually get tired of the amount of effort supporting me will take.Read More...

Kat, I am so saddened by your loss of Lucky. I have actually had two lucky's in my life! Both were great. I love animals and when I had to put my last dog down, it was horrible. That loss, that grief is like nothing else. One of the things that did help was a poem. I don't know who wrote it but it is called the Rainbow bridge. Let me warn you that you will cry, but to think that things might be the way it says, filled me with joy. You can look it up - it is worth it and might help.Read More...

Welcome Inis!Read More...

To Monte - I know that's what it is for me, that's where it comes from, but it doesn't help me to remind myself. It actually hurts more. I ended up writing my T again and flat-out asking him if he was agry and if he still cared and he wrote back within a couple hours reassuring me. ~D. (P.S. I read my sent emails over and over too, trying to see if there's anything that sounds unforgivable.)Read More...

i feel your pain, amazon hate him all you can!!!!! and don't feel bad about it puppetRead More...

thanks, sweet D, love and hugs back! puppetRead More...

Wow, Liese. I can see how this would pose a real problem for you. I would definitely have an issue with that. Have you been able to discuss this with your H since this conversation?Read More...

What do you want out of therapy? What's your goal? What outcome would make you feel you got something out of the five sessions?Read More...

incognito - Thanks for sharing your experiences. It's so reassuring. Just wish I knew where it came from. I've had my share of bad experiences, but I can't ever remember feeling that assaulted. And it feels horrible to have to use that word about my H, who was just being tender and sweet. I get myself paranoid too, because I recently found out that I witnessed my sister being physically assaulted by my mom's boyfriend at 5-years-old, but don't remember it. I remember knowing the hole in the...Read More...

I think it is a good idea to talk about it with t. It is a real and important loss when a pet dies and the feelings around it deserve to be treated with respect.Read More...

Thank you both for the information. One of my ts broached the topic, but I am very against being touched by either of them, so it was concerning.Read More...

Actually Halo, it is quite fun to go in there say " I want to be angry as that is easier than what lies underneath and also there is a lot of interaction when I get angry - I sure feel you have to listen. when I look underneath I feel fear and terror and scary feelings and that is not easy - but I would like to see if I can stop doing the anger bit and get to the bit underneath - scary though it is for me." I find this works a treat: open, authentic, vulnerable but risking it anyway, etc. It...Read More...

Hi DF... thanks for the info. Can I ask what IOP means. I figured out the others are in patient and out patient. The problem is some places take males but not boys. I need to read the sites and then talk to the parents. I am not happy with the P because I think he could be doing more or at least keeping the parents in the loop as to what his plans and goals are. TNRead More...

Yeah, in this case, I hadn't read it anywhere. I really have been surprised about my level of control when it comes to reading about this stuff. I find it so fascinating, but except trying to understand things he has said that he can't make clear or to make clear things I don't think he understands when I say, I don't read a lot. It's why I am not getting the books people are suggesting to me on here, because I want that stuff to be filtered through him for now. In my last email (which is...Read More...

I'm new here, but glad to have you around!Read More...

my pleasure Moomin, do you come from Finland like all Moomins? I have been deeply helped by the people on this forum some of whom are experienced and insightful about the various aspects of therapy. With their help I am coming to understand that my own wounds and difficulties are not really the traumas but the initial attachment woundings and my psychologists agrees with this so we are addressing this much more overtly, openly. I have just written up my blog entry for today's session with...Read More...