I'm trying to stay hopeful and avoid going to that place that associates feeling anything with being irrational and unpredictable like my mother. I have a daughter, so I am very conscious of not letting any of my anti-female garbage get into her head (and not to let Daddy put any in there either). I don't think I could stand to listen to my sessions at this point. I do a lot of my deep communication through journaling and when I reread the entries I've sent him, I have a myriad of negative...Read More...

it's very interesting to see how there are so many different variations - of how T's do things and of how we all react to it... my old T would have the clock facing in such a way that we both could see it. this is after i said that i would prefer if i could see it too (i think it took me about 2 years to do that, i didn't really think i had a say in stuff like that at first) my new T has the clock almost behind me so if i want to see the time, i have to turn my head. which is what i did last...Read More...

Don't worry, I enjoy and appreciate your input. I saw my name pop up as the most recent post on several threads and kind of freaked out that I look like obsessive or neglectful to my child (which I know I'm not, because she was napping during most of my posts and I tend to write pretty quickly). I hope T knows it has nothing to do with trusting or not trusting him, because the depth we've gotten to in such a short period of time is honestly astonishing to me and I've actually praised his...Read More...

Hi Mayflower! Welcome to the forums. I'm glad to see you are comfortable here already. It's a great place.Read More...

It feels almost silly to be moved by such an experience… but I do… It’s been a rough week and sometimes, I remember this and I want to just crawl up into and hold these moments… the good feelings about the moments I had with my T… and then I think of not just the feelings, but seeing her again… and I’m so ready to run. Hmm. Not the feelings so much, but experiencing them with someone else… STRM and smiley ~ thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement and understanding (and...Read More...

That's a good article. I'm somewhere in the middle on this one. I am able to let my T know when I have become frustrated or angry (and even identify to him when it has less to do with him than something going on in my head)...but, not at the moment it happens. I sometimes have angry or sarcastic commentary running in the background while he speaks encouraging words. I guess part of the way I dissociate. But that part of me really isn't interested in communicating with T, so it doesn't react...Read More...

Yea- forking over a check in session can be awkward. I try to just leave it on the side table. We never speak of money except during one of my freak out times when I called him my paid friend. I told him he had to like me because I paid him too.- and that the only reason he would listen of talk to me was because I paid him too. He had some really good answers for me at the time, but I forgot what they were. Oi- The things we put them through.Read More...

I loved Sophie in season one and am bummed that she didn't stay for season two and three. Sometimes I watch the episodes with her just to see her cry. I can't cry in therapy but somehow watching her cry feels like a release for me.Read More...

I had a similar experience with my mum where she accused me of playing "power games" when I stopped going there, because she constantly contradicted me around my kids. I agree with Blanket Girl that you need boundaries. Set firm boundaries with your husband and kids, and your mum still won't like it, but you will get to keep your sanity. One of the things that improved my relationship with my mum was finding different things to connect on, that had no emotions attached to them. Child raring...Read More...

Thanks jill and monte. Having a bad week.Read More...

Is that a picture of you LG? You are beautiful, inside and out.Read More...

I know you just a pinch. But I love reading all your post. theyre full of honesty and wisdom. Take good care and Ill miss seeing you while youre away.Read More...

Mine are between 50 to 60 minutes long. They used to run over a bit so were like 70 minutes long but I think T now has another cliet directly after me so now always makes sure we finish on time. When he first started making sure the sessions finished on time I was a bit upset by it but I'm now used to it.Read More...

ag, just getting in on this thread. it is interesting to read your recap of the tender, hard feelings of yearning that you feel. that darned t of yours is sure good though! and he puts things so well... "to not realize that would be to still hope you could get what you lost and you would keep looking for something impossible to find." oh, so true. if he gave in any, it would just leave you thirsty for more. such harsh reality. but, and i know you have kids, once you GIVE IN, you make a...Read More...

AG thank you for that wonderful and easily understandable explanation of something that is really hard for me to articulate even though I do understand what happens and the process. You were able to put it into words for me. So thank you Hugs TNRead More...

Thanks for that Sadly. I can not add much more, as i feel as you do, but I am not able to see it as clearly as you do. Although my message to him would be- I do not need you any more because I am strong enough to do this on my own now. In fact- in essence I have said this, then stayed away for a month- saw him, then stayed away for another month. I will see him tomorrow, but I don't know if I can express this. Now if- I only have the courage to say something similar to my T. Even though...Read More...

thanks so much - bought the first two tonight. Looking forward to reading them SRead More...

UV, What is ego strength? Since being involved in the wonderful world of therapy, I've come to realize that what I want from a therapist is to feel really cared about. Someone to really care about me. But then I have to ask myself, why do I need someone to really care about me? And the answer has to be that I feel so uncared for. Knowing that I feel so uncared for helps a little but doesn't stop the pain of not being cared for. The pain is unbelievable. Excruciating. At the end of the day, I...Read More...

hi permafrost! i've been in therapy for a while and in some ways i could say that when i first went (6 years ago) i wasnt really ready for therapy, i didn't really know what therapy was. but i learned, slowly and maybe slowly i became more ready. sometimes, i think even now maybe i'm not quite or i'm just getting there now... i think it's ok to start off feeling like you 'need' therapy, which means you feel the 'need' for change even though you don't yet know how you'll do that. don't be...Read More...

just wanted to add - one good thing that came out of that bad session - it helped me to reach out on the forum (and get so many nice posts) thank you!Read More...

I've been tempted to bring in some of my art. My T has on more than one occasion asked me to bring in my stuff. I'm (professionally) a graphic designer and he's asked to see my portfolio. I also do side work as an artist (mostly portrait stuff) and he's seemed interested in seeing that stuff too. But despite his asking the only thing I've showed him is a picture on my phone of a portrait I've done. He seemed to like it (it was unfinished). I guess I just feel weird about showing him that...Read More...

Pixie, It sounds as though you have a longggggggg history of conflict with your mother and yet she wants to try to fix things. I can imagine...no, actually I can relate, that this is difficult to do when so much damage has been done. And now you are being made out to be the bad one because you aren't as eager to mend the fences as she is. I know how emotionally draining that can be. I am guessing from some of the things you have written that your mother can be very manipulative. I think its...Read More...

Morgs - not an issue with me. "shit happens" love that - - it does. we can't help if something we say unintentionally hurts someone else. It t's not like we go out of our way to hurt someone. You apologized and things got cleared up, that's all that matters. Please don't go away for long over this. SmileyRead More...

Quilter, What a roller coaster! I am so sorry that you have had this experience with her. one minute you are feeling good that she reached out to you and then the next minute she flaked on you. I am very sorry that happened. I would most definitely bring this up with her, otherwise you are going to push it aside and it will later manifest as resentment. It may feel awkward and uncomfortable to discuss this with her now, but I do think it is best to sort through this now.Read More...

Permafrost, Oh yes, his reaction did make me feel sad. He has now done a 360 and lets me be completely dependent upon him. It's all very confusing although I did read an article about our "normal personalities" and our "emotional personalities" ... and that sometimes one of our emotional personalities is very dependent but another one o maybe even our normal personality is very indepedent and that the independent one can detest the dependent one. That the t has to befriend usually the...Read More...