TN No worries about hijacking! I've been so busy lately to post. I just was catching up today. It gives me reassurance I'm not so silly about ending of my sessions. He did good there for awhile when I brought it up saying you need your Friday hug? Then the next 2 Fridays no mention of hugs or encouragement which I do better with. He finally gave me one yesterday again but I totally flipped out in my car having to call him. I usually have to call him after Fridays appt I don't understand why?Read More...

I really wasn't expecting such lovely and detailed replies; and I'm sorry if I inadvertently gave the impression that finding this out has caused me any great distress It was more a genuine surprise to me. Although I've always known my sister was never wanted simply because she was the 'wrong' gender, I honestly had no idea that I wasn't planned for! ((((Draggerslovelyone)))) Thank you. Yes, trying to unpick my families dynamics would test the patience of a saint It's one more piece of the...Read More...

Great reponse AG! The sentence about power and exploitaion...that is exactly my problem. We just talked about this yesterday. They are so measured and in control, it makes me crazy!Read More...

Thanks again for all the support. I am definitely not giving up on my P, and when I go back to my next session, I will try to find the right way to question why he spent so much of the last session expressing his views and trying to give advice. I sometimes overreact to him, and in the past, we've worked through similar problems, so hopefully that will be the case this time.Read More...

AG, thanks. It does feel really good when another piece of the puzzled fits. Then last night I have the worst dream about T. Everything I've thought he was....he was not. One of those dreams where it was SO real. Now I must convince myself "it was only a bad dream". Thanks for the other recommended posts of yours. I've already read some of them. Very good.Read More...

Affinity I'm glad I could help in some way. I think we do miss them more when we feel out of sorts, tired or stressed. Or even when we cannot hold onto that "sense" of them being with us. Last Thursday I had a really good session with T and I felt him with me most of the weekend. I didn't miss him because he was with me. But Monday was not so good and I have no sense of him. I'm very disconnected from him right now. I do know what you mean about that feeling that they would really like to...Read More...

AG, good you spoke of just a dream. Anything sexual is SO uncomfortable. My T said it's uncomfortable for him too. But once it's laid out on the table and respected, it feels relieving and can create those breakthroughs. So glad you found Chuck Wild's music! I LOVE it and it helps me so much.Read More...

See... you're brilliant!Read More...

Thanks for the link to the book forum AG...I'll start looking there too. I've already tried the advanced search as you suggested, but as of yet, cannot locate the book, but I am going to keep trying. I also tried Amazon RT, and haven't found it yet, but then again, when I searched it came up with 100+ pages, so I need to keep hunting--or refine my search! On the upside, I am learning how to navigate the boards better and in the process, I keep stumbling upon more and more valuable...Read More...

Thanks again to all who replied. I have been very busy and am just sitting down now to soak in some of the other replies. Thanks RT for explaining what you needed and didn't get. I identified with many of them. I know I have to cut myself some slack in order to move on. I am just not very sure how to do that. Keep talking with T I guess. Erica, I know you understand this feeling. This subject keeps popping up in my life also. It comes up in therapy, here on the forum, basically all over. I'm...Read More...

Thanks TN. I've been well. Yes, I am still seeing T every two weeks. My therapy appears to have reached an equilibrium. I do not know if it is because I am stalling or because this T has simply taken me as far as she can. Perhaps both. At any rate, I feel she's been morphing into more of a life coach/quasi-great aunt figure. It's good to have someone like that in my life, but I would like to be working more intensely in therapy. However, I will be moving to a new city soon because of a...Read More...

Hey, Depending on where you want to go from that, it can be a very useful tool: I am very disconnected from my body, and sooo self-conscious, so any exercise involving feeling anything in my body is either feeling 'blank' or excruciatingly shameful... But my T goes in VERY small steps, because I told her some of my fear and she could guess it from my reactions, so... it is really interesting because it gives me a chance to explore that (the "oh, I am actually not a pure mind") without...Read More...

Re: I Thought I Had More TimeRead More...

(((LJB))) I'm continually touched by your story. I couldn't imagine losing my most precious T like that. How wonderful that you've continued on in spite of the loss. You inspire me.Read More...

LJB...You are very welcome! Good luck to you.Read More...

Oh, what a brave and lovely conversation. I constantly have needed mother substitutes - even though I'm too old to 'need' such a thing. It is painful. I have an older friend who I think of as my mother substitute (but only in a gentle sort of a way - she has her own family). But the other day, she said that she always feels motherly towards me and hoped I didnt mind!!! I confessed my mother-sub feelings towards her and we had a hug. Not seen her since like (it was about 3 weeks ago), but...Read More...

Thank you (longer answer when i get to my computer) it is just emotionally a bit scary because it is my "don't ever think that you can rely on someone to care, they will go away", even if... I know it was just a GP and that it was expected. Thank you.Read More...

Thanks, SB. I'm not sure what I wrote is cohesive because I feel like there is so much swirling around in my head I'm not sure where to start. But writing about some of it helped. Thanks for your support. TNRead More...

Thanks Puppet I'm trying to hang on in there. Don't have an appointment at all this week as it is bank holiday in UK this friday - and - I am in france!!! lol. I do have to cope with the boundaries set - and try to make the best of what is available to me right now - which is rather limited I agree. I can't imagine that any therapist is happy to work with me - I feel I am a pain, a nuisance and not good enough. (cringes in the corner, knowing this is child stuff). Thanks SP - yes, it feels...Read More...

Ahah, fun part, I apparently dissociate (midly) every time I mention this topic.... which makes it sooo much easier to broach....Read More...

Really enjoyed his thoughts! Thanks for sharing.Read More...

Thank you everybody. Times are a changing for sure! I actually find comfort in knowing/seeing what a loving soul and father this man is. It gives me hope and I see real parental love does exsist in the world. It has shown me, too, that his compassion, empathy and care for me is authentic, which is something I constantly struggle with; that someone could actually care about me. He is the real deal and I am so lucky. He feels like a treasure that has graced my life. His family is so fortunate.Read More...

Thank you to each of you for your heartfelt replies. All the best, T.Read More...

Thanks Liese and Draggers Just talking about it here and hearing your thoughts has helped me figure out how I feel a little more, I think. I plan to tell NewT if I get the chance (she might have to cancel my session this week). I think I will call OldT and tell him that I am ambivalent about it and see what happens with that conversation. I think that I can give up the idea of meeting on our birthday without feeling too sad about it. In general, I have felt better since I finished with OldT,...Read More...

happy belated birthday, (((cogs))))! what a wonderful gesture from your T! i hope you're feeling better soonRead More...