JD, I thought your posts were very well written! Thanks for the kind words, and that you won't think badly of me if I would need to bow out.. Yeah...a life of it's own is a good way to put it. BebeRead More...

Love you draggers. I'm so glad to see you, sweetie. Thanks Butterfly- your kindness. I really love this place. BBRead More...

It makes total sense....I can totally relate to this, I think I might have actually tested some limits just to see if my T would get mad at me. One time I thought I had succeeded and I asked her if she was angry at me, but for me this meant the opposite, I thought that that would mean she had stopped caring for me and she explained to me that she could be angry with me and still care about me which for me was quite a confusing concept. However there have been many times when no matter what I...Read More...

Thank you so much for your kind and caring responses, it is so nice to know that there are people out there who know how it is to feel the loss of a T as I am feeling like I am so pathetic for feeling like I do. It isn’t something that is explainable to people who haven’t been there and there are very few people in my life who even knew I went for therapy in the first place. There are so many things in my daily life that are a constant reminder of my therapy that shouldn’t be, I think...Read More...

i'll come back and update about the dissociative-closeness stuff; you, LL, and i think Frog were interested in hearing about it. talk to you later! yes, indeed- caunt me in! I am still here UV,(love reading this still growing thread btw) just havent managed to squeeze(?) in lately!Read More...

Godgirlwarriorprincess, thank you for registering and welcome to this forum. i appreciate your kind and encouraging words, and will check out that book. sometimes i feel strengthened by my hardships, sometimes they get the best of me, but one thing you remind me of, is that God HAS a purpose for me, even in these childhood years which scarred me so, but, now maybe it is about finding that purpose with my own family and others. and yes, the golden rule is a good fall back thought when you...Read More...

dear folks- i only have a minute now, i am running to see my T. I wrote a LONG respond to each of you yesterday- wanted to comment and thank for all the inputs and interprets and the kind words- BUT (ARRG) something happended- and the poster was somehow deleted.. i was so frustrated when i found out and i wasout of energy to give it a second try. Yet- just wanted to let you know i read your posters (which i HAVE thought about alot) am very thankful for the recent replies- THANKS YOU! its...Read More...

LL thank you so much for your kind words nd validation. Yeah, the more space I get from it, the more angry I am. The less... guilty and ashamed and the more just hurt and angry and -oh, it's hard to express. The more time that goes by the more I want to say, to show them, "wait, this is not my stuff, this is yours." And this still freaking hurt what you did! yeah - you are right. It was a cop out. It's so... blurred... so pathologizing... I'M NOT THE SICK ONE. ugh. Thanks LL - I really...Read More...

TN, I'm sorry that you received such a confusing letter from your old T. That would send anyone into a tailspin. I still think that he cared too much and this letter was a way to try to reach out to you, but he couldn't see how damaging it could be at the same time. I hope you are able to talk to newT about it soon and that you are feeling a bit less overwhelmed today.Read More...

Hey Mac, You did answer my question... I think it's great that you're upfront with your T and able to ask direct questions. I also think it's really great that even without any self-disclosure (besides about what's happening in session) you still feel incredibly understood. Frankly, that's awesome. Drifty, It seems too bad, to me, that you feel you have to be careful about what you ask your T so that he doesn't elaborate too much...have you ever considered maybe telling him how it makes you...Read More...

thanks Lamplighter, I talked with the T on Friday for about 40 mins by phone, I saw him on Monday I think last week and I shall see him Friday, he might have seen me Monday but I am actually away on a long weekend break which is proving the much needed break I need. Lovely family time. I know I SHOULD really look around but there are so few trauma therapists here. I should go private too but ah, the cost! This T is free and is offering me 80 mins a week indefinately and he is a trained...Read More...

JD thanks so much for posting that link. It’s really interesting and has lots of valuable stuff about Gestalt. Lol way back in the 80s I read all of Fritz Perl’s books and was really taken with the idea of gestalt therapy - but back then Gestalt was still pretty confrontational and didn’t really work for me. I’m going to see a new T this week who has gestalt/psychodynamic approach listed as her style. For me should be the best of both worlds, being aware of how the past affects the present...Read More...

thanks Holding On! jill - lol yeah, our inner critics can just go beat each other up and leave us alone! we ARE on to their schemes... ha!Read More...

Jill good questions and thoughts is it my way of testing the relationship? I dunno. I almost wonder if it is. Sometimes I think it's because I'm so afraid the good will overwhlem me... and if I let in the good then the bad will come in too - if not from this relationship then others... and then I am screwed. I do use humor as like "comic relief" - I'm told by people that it makes them feel closer to me the way I use it, when for me, it's a way to shift gears or makes things less intense,...Read More...

Good to see you again seablue starfishRead More...

I hope you are feeling better today too. ((((PG)))))Read More...

Hi Echo, Yes indeed (in answer to your question) though not regularly and its not a regular topic of conversation..Read More...

Hello Freud’s Fly and welcome to the forum. It sounds like you’ve gotten a fair way into your therapy if your T is now counting on your having internalized her to the extent that she feels confident you can look for her inside yourself when you need to. I haven’t got anything of value to offer as the only internalizations I have are of negative judges - including T. And my abandonment issues are still hidden away beneath a pile of other stuff so don’t even know how to begin thinking about...Read More...

Sheychen I am SO sorry that even your last session was turned into a negative emotional circus by this T. Everything I’ve read about how she has been relating to you these last couple of weeks just makes me really angry at her. So I’m guessing she is an NHS surgery counsellor - one of the ones who is used to the six session therapy frame, so maybe not experienced at all in dealing with deeper issues? It sounds like she continued to work with you and found herself suddenly right out of her...Read More...

Maclove ~ ah, so you are the on who has been reading my journal! lol :P oh, I am so sorry about your boyfriend. The lack of response... it's hostile in a way. There's no way to respond, to know, to resolve, to even work through the leaving of the person better - and oh... it screws me up in trusting new people and then I act untrusting and then they are more likely to leave! (not saying this is happening with you - just a random thought I had as I typed.) It's so hard. Because even when I...Read More...

new thread, new drug...pristiq.Read More...

Mine is almost identical to LL's. Walk in the room, shake hands, sit. T: So what's going on? And then me sitting in silence trying to figure out what to say without sounding boring or stupid. I feel pretty angry about it. My T has been discussing a lot about connecting with him. I think we need to do something different at the beginning of the session because I don't feel anything except nervous for probably the first third of it. The last three sessions we've discussed this connecting thing...Read More...

I just edited my post a bit and added some feedback from my previous therapist whom I rung and who CRIED at how I am being treated. She actually CRIED. so it feels like the end of an era. Part of me says " well I didn't like her that much anyway' but I know my young parts did.Read More...

I haven't been on here much lately (though I don't consider myself one of the seasoned members) and my reasons are very simple. When I come here and see a thread, usually there have been a myriad of responses to it (sometimes nearing 100) and I feel that I have nothing original to contribute. Also, frankly, trying to read through 50+ responses is stressful. By the time I'm finished not only do I feel I have nothing original to contribute, but I'm completely emotionally drained. I feel guilty...Read More...