Hi LL, Sorry it's been a few days. I think I'm okay with the possibility of other people hearing me so long as I never see them and never find out who they are! Even then... I had a session yesterday, and we were in the other office again, but there wasn't anyone having a session next door, so it was quiet. It was a million times better. I think my next session will be back in my T's regular office, though, which is actually a big relief now that I think about it. I'm sorry I haven't been...Read More...

Hi Butterfly, I think I can with great assurance, tell you I understand where you’re coming from. I’m sorry, I know this is painful and scary, especially since even though you were debating whether to go, this ending was forced on you. I ended with my T under very similar circumstances when she decided to leave her practice. I am glad that you can hang onto knowing the abandonment isn’t real but I also totally get you feeling that way. I know I did. On some level, I kept asking myself “but...Read More...

This is a reply to myself, since I can use this as a diary of sorts. I wrote that I was wary of her good mood and was wondering when Mr. Hyde would show himself again. Well, this thread was written on August 9, 2010 at 10:18 AM (the morning after), and now I've had to post again that Mr. Hyde is B-A-C-K. Today is October 6, 2010. We lasted about two months. Aahhh, it was so nice while it lasted.Read More...

Dear Geist, I'm really sorry to read this - anyone would struggle with the loss of employment, but in your situation, where you really need financial independence and the ability to get support for yourself, it's a particularly discouraging and frustrating turn of events. It is going to be tough to deal with your problems - but please don't try to rush yourself. This is going to take time to sort out. I suspect (but can't be sure) that the most helpful thing to do at the moment would be to...Read More...

Hi DF Don't waste your energy feeling silly - it was a perfectly reasonable question to which you now have a reasonable answer!!! I would have asked it also. Hope you had a good session overall. Take care MorgsRead More...

Hi everyone. Things have been so super crazy and busy with me lately that I have not been able to screw my head on right. I am so sorry for not posting something sooner, but was out of town and trying to settle into my new life. I just wanted to take a moment to respond to everyone’s posts. Agent- I am lonely, but more importantly, I’m going through a MAJOR life changing move. And T knows this. So it’s doubly hard that she seems to be not as supportive as I need her too be now. Or maybe, my...Read More...

Hi Jill, I don't want to scare you but Topamax can cause hallucinations. I was on it for a short period of time for severe migraines. Hope this helps. Have you tried Klonopin? It is similar to zanax but is stays in your system longer so it lasts longer. PGRead More...

Jill - I can so understand your decision making in the morning. Mine is the same - do I want to go on or not? I don't but I do. Ignoring your problems or accepting them - Hmmmmm.... I don't have an answer really just a thought. Isn't ignoring your stuff kind of like saying, it happened, big deal, move on? I don't know, I don't think I'll ever just accept what happened to me and move on. Things have permeated my life so much that I don't think things could ever be happy and good for real. I...Read More...

I just ran across your post...how did I miss this. I have been trying to step off more often and breathe...but part of my "programmed" tells me that I always have to be doing something, working towards something, accomplishing something. So, the minute I think that I am just going to stay in my jams and watch movies, about an hour into it I start guilting myself..telling myself that I'm wasting the day....I am really TRYING very hard to allow myself to believe that a day spent on the couch,...Read More...

Just wanted to say that I can get into your blog now - thanks Sheychen. And know that I’m thinking of you - especially tomorrow. (((( Sheychen )))) LLRead More...

MH, I am glad to hear that things were better and that you had the chance to go over some of these texts (I hope that helped you know that she is reading and taking in what you send her) I am really glad that she clarified that you could text her and that she wasn't punishing you. Therapy is such a hard process to go through so I think it is brave of you to tackle these issues. Hope your next session goes well. ButterflyRead More...

Hi JaneDoe, One way to go about it would be to think and express what you 'feel' when confronted with your Ts question. What comes to your mind in this situation ? Basically trying to identify and then analyse what is stopping you from trusting, in this case, your T.Read More...

I am sorry if this is going off on a tangent a bit, but I just thought I would share this with you all. I recently (just over a year ago) joined a local Quaker group and (to cut a long story short) found that one of the other members also saw my T from time to time. I can't quite remember the conversation we had about it, but I can remember my friend asking me outright and quite matter-of-fact if my T was XXXXXX (my T's name). It was like my whole world stopped there and then - a very weird...Read More...

i am overwhelmed by the responses and i am trying really hard to fight the voice in my head which says that i don't deserve it, because then your touching words would have been in vain... LL - you are so sweet and so good at helping people feel welcome and saying the right things. i really did feel heard, thank you for that. and i look forward to getting to know you better too. frog - thank you for the welcoming words and for reading my post - it means a lot! janedoe, i was overwhelmed that...Read More...

that is a terrific article, and, i hate identifying myself so strongly there...avoidant...disorganized...that is me. great website too. thanks for posting it, jillRead More...

bb, you take a break, ok?? it is ok. you are fine, we miss you, and we are all a bunch of people who, at least for me, feel often like you are saying about yourself. i hate that. i HATE the people who did this to all of us. i really do. i hate that life is so hard at times, and bb, i hate that you are struggling. please take care, and i do understand what you said in your reply. hugs, jillRead More...

If I remember very clearly what she said - to my husband on the phone yesterday, "I want to do what is best for S and it may be that she comes through the worst bit just now and we can just keep going or it may be that it gets more difficult, I don't know and I may have to help her to move to work with someone else, but I will not just leave her, I will only do what is best for her, because I care about her deeply and I do feel I do not have specialist training in Trauma. but we do not know...Read More...

Thanks, Deepfried, your thoughts did help. I am sorry you are working through trauma as well. I dont think I feel safe at all in the room right now. Except maybe a small bit. My T says that she can see me a little bit more comfortable each time. But I still cant look at her. I usually look at the floor and the door alot. I feel really tense there and cant seem to relax. The way I sit when I get there is the way I sit the entire time. I dont shift or shuffle, or anything. Almost like I am...Read More...

deepfried, I think your poem expresses the duality of what one receives from parents. It is more than kind to them and reflects a lot of hard work on your part. You are released from from owning what is not yours to own and free to take ownership of what you want to grow. It is very thoughtful to also want the same for your sibling. Good for you! deeplyrootedRead More...

Thank you SG, for your thoughtful reply and for offering such encouragement. It is true that what I am seeing is very unfamiliar to the truth I thought that I knew. I resist making the change for fear I am just seeing things. I think it is good that you could tell your therapist that you are essentially performing for him and that you have not reached the root of the issues. I think it is so hard with T because we don't get to know what it is they are thinking or if we are working from the...Read More...

oh Giest, your pain is almost palpable. My heart really goes out to you. this reminds me of an example someone gave of a very hard way to change our thinking. If someone says to us, "don't think of green ballons, don't think of green ballons, don't think of green ballons..." what are we thinking of? green ballons. I can understand a little of why being in an environment that you don't feel safe to express your desires is not helping you not have them. For me, in my own therapy, I want to not...Read More...

JD - So sorry to hear how these people are treating you. Don't worry about your response, it happens and you had every right to "lose it" for a moment. Now you can take your deep breaths and look at it more calmly right? These people don't know what they are talking about and are probably pencil pushers who think more of themselves than they should! Sorry, it just ticks me off when someone does something like this. Anyway, try to remain calm and breathe. Talk to your T again calmly and just...Read More...

Ah, Beebs...just had to thank you again for this delightful thread. Wishing you Cookies and Cream dreams under Mint Chocolate Chip skies. And hoping you make Moose Tracks back to us real soon. JD...did your local B&J's have Chubby Hubby? STRM...LOL!!! That was great. SGRead More...

AG - wow, thank you for your kinds words and feedback. that has me thinking... When I started this therapy, my goal was to be more aware of what I am feeling - essentially be more present with myself. These horses that have gotten under my skin, are terribly present with how they are. They don't hide anything! If they are scared, it's obvious, if they are sleep, hungry, tired... anything. It's clear. I can trust that the horse is being itself, it's true self. I don't wonder. I've been...Read More...

Actually, I'm not too sure but just checked. The article is linked to http://www.resurrectionafterra...ecoveryresource.html There are some other interesting on that page written by Matt Atkinson. "Matt Atkinson is a social worker with a background in work with trauma survivors...In 2004, he became the first male given the National Award for Outstanding Advocacy and Community Work in Ending Sexual Violence by the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. In 2005 he was awarded "Most...Read More...