Hi Jones, I like how you write. You must have gone through a lot yourself to sound so balanced. Eric's recent choice has been like a ton of bricks. Him coming out as gay was one thing to deal with. Then to see him change his lifestyle and BECOME gay was another. For example, we used to enjoy nice dinners, and after the "I'm gay" bit, he can't seem to get through anything without bringing it up. So even the nice dinners have fallen to the wayside. Every time I travel to see him, it's not...Read More...

gosh- so meny stupid things that would have made me do.Read More...

this is very lovely jill...thank you so much for posting it for us! BBRead More...

I agree with what others have said! AG has a great list there. Five weeks is a really long time, but just like the two weeks I went through, one day at a time was the best way for me. I literally checked the days off the calendar. I tried to plan some things that I normally would not have done or had time to do as well. Please keep checking in. It really helped to have my daily check in thread here and have everyone cheering me on and reminding me that I could get through the break. It...Read More...

Thank you so much for the encouragement and support! I so appreciate everyone's confidence in me, it really helps when I'm not having any confidence in myself. I ended up sending an email last night to my T telling him about being scared and sad and he replied to me today with an incredibly attuned, understanding email. It really restored my hope and joy. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to be a mess next Wednesday, I don't think there's any way around that. But I know it's going to be ok...Read More...

Hi Jones & BB, I've read that article before and agree that it is pretty amazing. The hardest thing for me in therapy is really admitting to my T when I've done something wrong against her. Not that I do things to intentionally hurt her, because I don't know that they hurt her per se, but they are definitely boundary crossings, and it's so hard to admit that I have intentionally done those things. I'm up against this right now (again ) and reading this gave me a little bit more courage...Read More...

i survived. almost out the door of the perfects, and ms. perfect stops me as i am leaving and asks the one question i don't want to talk about. i blurt things i don't even remember....the leave, shaken. i want to hide under a rock. no questions asked. no one to hurt me. skewed, i am. i hear. whatever. skewed, i will be. thanks for the encouragement all. just seems like life shouldn't be from one dreaded activity to another, y'no? where is the joy? is that true, joy? skewed. jillRead More...

You take care too, IHTS...I think it is awesome that you wrote and gave your boss the paper...and we must remember, anyone worth their salt will take what we have and appreciate it, and if they are unable to do so, it is their own deficit that needs to be worked on by them, good on you for sharing it. I hope you get the validation, but I also am glad that you can see it was a good paper! Oh, I am just so proud of you! Love, BBRead More...

She said that during this nine day gap, she would phone me on the fourth day at 9am for 15 minutes. she said she needed to think about me recording a session. She was exceptionally kind and real today. urgh. i feel 2 yrs old. I am experienced at therapy and all this stuff, and yet I am rampaging around like a 2 yr old.Read More...

Kashley- beautiful!! I don’t think Carl Rogers could have said it better himself! I was browsing the psychology section at the bookstore last night, and I picked a book called On Being a Therapist by Jeffery A. Kottler. I was just browsing through the book and I found this: It is sometimes surprising to realize the ways that doing therapy produces an altered state of consciousness not only in our clients but also in us. When things are really moving along well, when concentration and...Read More...

No I did not get any way near telling her. it was hard and frustrating. I also asked her if i could record the session and she said she needed to think about that. I think I am trying to prove she does not care when infact she does, but if she DOES care, I will hurt a lot, as it will melt this protective part of me and the hurt parts will come to the surface, so i am in the middle of trying unconsciously to make her feel useless and telling her she is no good when all she does is be kind and...Read More...

Hi Susanne, Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry for your struggle, those moments in which all of life changes can be so hard to get through and I think our children being hurt is much harder to bear than when it's us. Even when they're grown at 21 (I have 19 and 17 years old daughters), we still feel like we're supposed to be able to protect them the way we could when they were small so they don't get hurt. And if they do get hurt, we're supposed to be able to fix it. But once they're adults...Read More...

on that note, my dbt t said that 'all of us' have features and traits of personality disorders...i looked shocked at her, she said, "yes, most people are a little bit narcissistic, or a little ocd, or paranoid, or something." i was still so shocked to hear that, that i didn't really commment, i don't know her aim, probably to impart truth...i don't think she was lying, just kind of normalized 'my issues' a bit. she did agree that i have borderline issues...but not full blown disorder. not...Read More...

this just makes me so sad. it is amazing to me, what affect, NOT being HELD as a child can have on a human. i am the poster child, i know, but, wow, it is amazing how this one thing can make such a difference in a life, and all the years i have suffered just because my parents couldn't do the few things that could have put me in such a better position for life. and the thing that is so sad, it wasn't their intention to f me like they did. they were just stupid emotionally, and yea, i guess...Read More...

Just wondering, how things are going with you today TN, if you feel up to posting about it. ((((TN)))) BBRead More...

Hi, Deepfried...yeah, I can get that...my experinece of it is a bit different, because, for some reason I can accept that the two things I am doing are related, but different, so I don't know why, but it is easier to keep it kind of separate. My main problem seems to be, how much should I talk about therapy with my SD, and how much should I talk about SD with my therapist? that part I am finding hard pressed to deal with, since so much of my problems in therapy are somehow spiritually...Read More...

Hi, Incognito...sorry things are so rough. I just wanted to say, that I am sure that if you stick with it, and keep on trying, gradually the talking will help and you will make some headway. I think from what I have read on here, that it takes a longer time with what you are dealing with, and that it is easy to get too overwhelmed and the need to slow down just by nature, makes the process slow and kind of painstaking. That is the sense I get. So, I guess I just wanted to chime in and...Read More...

Hi Blanket Girl, Sorry it's taken me so long to reply here, things have been a bit hectic. But I wanted to offer a possibility to explain the feelings you're going through. I'm not sure how good a fit it is because I don't know that much about your background, but I offer it in case it's helpful. I think you may be experiencing what my T calls "the bind." It's what makes healing from this stuff so hellish. When the source of our pain comes from the very persons who are supposed to comfort us...Read More...

((((((((((draggers))))))) (((((((((((draggers)))))))))) (((((((((((draggers)))))))))) ((((((((draggers)))))))))))) ((((draggers)))) (((((((((draggers))))))))) Sorry Teta...your thread was the only place I could do it! Hugs for you too! (((((Teta))))) BBRead More...

Oh Frog I’m sad that your session left you feeling bad - but at the same time it sounds as if it was pretty productive. And good on you for telling him how you felt let down by his not pursuing the long letter you had written (and for seeming to not care about the accident) - that’s really brave stuff to get out - *hair stands on end* criticizing a T!!!!! And he took it well too - so I hope that lets you feel a bit less overawed by him and a bit less the need to have to be nice to and about...Read More...

"In My Arms" by Plumb your baby blues so full of wonder your curley qs your contagious smile and as i watch you start to grow and all I can do is hold you tight knowing clouds will rage and storms will race in but you will be safe in my arms rains will pour down waves will crash around but you will be safe in my arms story books are full of fairy tales of kings and queens and the bluest skies My heart is torn just in knowing you'll someday see the truth from lies when the clouds will rage...Read More...

Hi All....just a brief update. Just had my next session after the last one....and it wasn't a bad one afterall I had thought at first when I went into the room, that it was going to be a bad one, but it wasn't. Our relationship is getter deeper and deeper on a very therapeutic level. It is like we are moving into another space together. It is hard in other ways though - I spent most of the day hiding in my office, sobbing and shaking. It felt like it did when I had a break down 3 months...Read More...

Hi Sheychen, I haven't had a chance to say hi, welcome to the forums! Thanks so much, I'm really glad to hear that my posts are helping you. It's a long difficult journey to heal from this kind of abuse and attachment injury and I was confused for most of it. It can be really painful, confusing work but you can heal. I am so sorry to hear about your last therapist and how he exploited you for his own needs. It's just repeating the abuse all over again. As incredibly frustrating and painful...Read More...

I don't know how to not give my heart away. I tried after evil ex-T broke it and hurt me so bad. I tried to resist and to keep my heart within, but it went off on its own. And here I sit venerable again.Read More...