Welcome to the forums Provocative Girl! I agree with the others, this topic is discussed tons even if it isn't in this specific thread. Please feel free to add here or post a new thread, you will likely get feedback!Read More...

UV, I'm glad that your T was positive about the text that you sent and that he seems ok with you repeating it. It sounds like it is something that could help you get through the week and that is good. My T does not do email because she says it is not a secure form of communication. I do fax her letters though and she is great about reading them. At first it was a large amount and I did use it to avoid talking about hard stuff in session, but as time has gone on they have been shorter, more...Read More...

Hi, I just wanted to second what MTF said. It's great that you had such a good session with your T. I hope that you continue to have many more positive sessions! It is always nice when we can see the progress.Read More...

this is how i feel about relationships sometimes...Read More...

UV ~ This articles bugs me a bit too. I think your comments were really good. I love what you wrote here: well said! I agree that the labeling of good and bad seems really BAD. I don't like that it is labeling good kids and bad kids. Or good parents and bad parents. It’s sometimes not that simple... And a kid being a bad seed? Argh! and saying any kid is a “bad seed,” just seems so wrong to me. It doesn’t help anything either. I am speaking very much from my own stuff here - which means this...Read More...

"Don't Feel" - Kids learn not to feel because… Expressions of fear, sadness, anger, guilt, embarrassment, loneliness are not allowed because they may trigger the same in the parent"" i just read this and this is a biggie for me, thought it might help some of you too, i know i don't 'feel', or if i do, it is this overwhelming anxiety about what, i do not know, but i know that if my kids are suffering from a negative emotion, i probably have given them, unconsciously, the message to not feel,...Read More...

Hey MTF, I just wanted to mention something that I've recently read. I started the book In Session, and there was a large section in there specifically on transference. There were several stories of experiences with therapists who chalk up nearly every feeling toward them as being strictly due to transference and not having any validity as being "real." In reality, it's some of both. It's a little confusing, because your T's reaction when you described her as a fun person kind of goes along...Read More...

ok, know i am a really warped sack of potatoes, but a couple of realistic things. i think it is easy to idealize them to the point that they are having the picture perfect vacation with the best marriage, friends, etc. and not that we don't want that for others, but really, it is not realistic to feel that 'just getting away from us' is a huge holiday!! they have issues they drag with them, just like we do. too, i know just knowing you can't see them seems unbearable, you have so much you...Read More...

Yeah, those two quotes make my think of my P which is why I use them. The first about the love we cant have hurting the most and lasting the longest is so true and the way I feel about my P is going on 12 years now and has been the most painful thing ever. And the second one is something I try to remember when it comes to my P because I know he cant love me the way I want him to but he does love and care about me in every way that he can. It doesnt make it any more easier to deal with...Read More...

UV thanks so much for explaining that, and I'm sorry I got myself all worked up about it. Hope you are still feeling great :hug: LLRead More...

yes, sweet df, the cuddling and affection and spoken love...that is just instinctive. it is funny, my mom just stares at how my big boys are so affectionate with me, touch, hugs ... she looks and marvels at what a normal relationship looks like. i wonder if she really 'gets' what our difference at our house is...she looks like she is a ghost. really a vacant person there. undiagnosed.., anyway, i am so glad that you have such a sweet and natural family and are able to, like many of us,...Read More...

Yes, I agree! Thank you!Read More...

starfish, bingo. you get your hand slapped enough, through ridicule, sarcasm or humiliation, my parents favorite tools, and you just DON'T extend it anymore and live a very protected life!! bb, your quote: So maybe all of this inability to accept emotions and pain as real comes from this kind of negation. wow, that is what i asked for the first three months in therapy.."is this real"...all my spinning and fog? if i would have had a broken arm it would have made sense that it hurt, but...Read More...

I tried to post a response twice before but my internet connection frooze each time. Hopefully this time this works! (sorry about the long delay) Thanks for the feedback and responses and encouragement. I had another session with the equine T and your responses all stuck with me. I'm still rpocessing what happened - but whoa, it was cool. And ok. safe. I said what I liked. Jill ~ It is a therapy where there is tons of transference. I just realized that when I read your response. After my old...Read More...

FOT, I'm sorry. I have a close friend in this battle at the moment too. I wish you and your friend peace. Ariel, thank you for your thoughts. What you say about keeping vigil is a big question in my life and one I don't have answers for. Your words have given me a different perspective to think from. I'm glad the image of two tracks is helpful to you - I will think of it for you too. Smiley, thank you so much for putting words to your thoughts about this. It's helping me to shift out of my...Read More...

Monte, Maybe it's not emotion I'm picking up in your posts, then. I don't know what it is. You write really well and are always very expressive, and I'm picking stuff up all over the place, but maybe that's because we're on a similar wavelength or something. If it's not emotion, then what is it? Hmmm. Now I've got something else to think about. Great! Are you an intellectualizer too? MTFRead More...

Hi AG, Thanks so much for sharing that story. My position sounds somewhat similar to yours in the beginning. My partner knows I'm unhappy, but doesn't want to acknowledge that the problems in our relationship is a huge contributing factor to that unhappiness. Not the only factor, obviously - I'm more than willing to admit that I've got a lot of personal work to do. But I think I've been pretty clear and pretty specific that I'm not happy with some important aspects of our relationship, and...Read More...

Dear AG, yes, that describes it well! Sometimes I only need to hear people in other rooms, in the hall to get like that. Thank god for earplugs! Argh!!! It's so infuriating and I want to CHANGE! So I need to remind myself that things take time and I have been getting "better" (asked my t for a tissue the other day with only a little internal jolt...) Thanks for sharing AG, I feel less of an idiot SBRead More...

sleep tight.Read More...

PS- you didn't seem in the least churlish...I was very glad that you were posting and saying everything that was on your mind and hope you will continue to do that...as you want to, of course...thanks for the kind thoughts.Read More...

UV, I didn't realize something until this morning and I want to apologize. I went very left brain, providing a list of standards, and definitions and giving you a bunch of references. I did not however at all address any feelings involved. So I just want to tell you that I'm sorry you had to endure all this as a child from the people who should have protected you and taken care of you. You deserved so much better than you got and I'm sorry I neglected to say that earlier. AGRead More...

Seablue, not a problem for me at all - the way I see it this is a public forum and anything I post on here is open to anyone to read anyway. And I’m glad showing your T this thread helped (nice to know that the help this forum gives extends beyond the forum itself ) LLRead More...

beautiful stuff, deeplyrooted. yes, the what if thinking, that is childlike, and thinking that things will ONE DAY all be perfect. letting go of all that makes such logical sense, and i know that logic is only a part of the battle. the emotions come much slower. i guess, integral for me, is whenever the emotions in the house were even slightly off, bad things happened. and i don't even know quite what all happened. i hid alot, so i just remember slamming doors and that kind of things was the...Read More...

Fancy that Jones, I just changed mine too, didn't seem fair...Read More...

Smiley (I just love that name) That is so true. Early on when we were just getting to know each other, I told him that I thought he was arogant at times. He said nothing. Several months later I was describing a feeling I had about him- I couldn't find the right word that described my perception of him, and he filled in the word arrogant,- to which I quickly responded- not at all. My T is very good at what he does, but he is a bit arrogant at times- but then again- sometimes swimming laps,...Read More...