I think the fact that you already felt supported by this new T is great. I think her offers are quite reasonable and reassuring as well. I completely agree with Kashley and Starfish about the talking on the phone being harder than in person. I also don't like talking to my T on the phone and I get the distinct impression that she does not like it either. I'm happy for you that your first interaction went so well and look forward to hearing how it goes when you start to see her in person.Read More...

Hi STRM, Nice to meet you, too! There's no question that the "child" inside is deeply involved with everything. In my therapy, we don't spend a ton of time talking about my "inner child" but there is an emphasis, for example, on how my mother's emotional reservation and void of any kind of passion for anything (including me) effected that part of me. Also, how my father's sneering dismissiveness, distance and inability to connect on any level effected that part of me. In fact, my T described...Read More...

Hi Amazon, I can relate to you here: It's awful to feel this way, too. I'm so sorry you're struggling with these feelings. I wish I could help you feel better, but I feel so much of the same thing with my own T right now that I'm not much help to anyone. I think you need to tell your T how you're feeling. Really just be totally honest and open with him. I know how hard that is, because I know that's what I need to do too, I just am too scared to do it. Good luck. ((((((Amazon)))))) MTFRead More...

Hi CT... I missed reading what you deleted and I hope you are okay and will come back soon to let us know how things are going for you. Hang in there. I just want to add that I've been through some serious disruptions with me T over the past year or so. Fortunately, we were able to repair them and our relationship is now stronger and deeper than ever. And it feels so good to see and experience how this works... I found it quite healing. It was hard at first but I came to realize that my T is...Read More...

Hey Lamplighter, I'm sorry for not posting more recently - my internet has been down. But I've been able to read a few your posts, and I'm so pleased to hear that you will still continue your search. Every one of the other posts are so right. You deserve to love and have compassion for yourself, and you deserve to find a T that will both help you realize this and reinforce that compassion with their own. Whenever you go to the next T, have you thought about talking about how tough your...Read More...

Echo, Luckily I had already read your post before you deleted it. It was not too ranty. I agree with Monte, but also wanted to say that I get where you are coming from. I have three kids and it is the same day, day after day. Sometimes it is just hard and when you feel like you don't have anyone to back you up or give you a break it can be so much harder. I don't know how old your children are, but kids are exhausting. As great as it is to be a Mom, it is one of the most exhausting and...Read More...

do let us know how your next session goes. You are not on your own (((((Don'tgiveuponme)))) starfishRead More...

Oooooh! LL here are some (((Hugs))) for you!Read More...

hahah good oneRead More...

BB I finally made it back to comment properly on your amazing post. Firstly I’m pretty sure that no-one would ever think someone else is ‘overusing’ this forum - I suspect there are times when all of us post like mad for a bit and then sort of back off - besides if everybody got so reticent and scared to say too much what would there be to read? No it’s great that you are posting when you can - I learn so much from reading about your experiences and thoughts. Just had a thought about the not...Read More...

Losing my connection of the vividness of my past is to me a welcome relief! I have no problem letting go. I hope Jones you will begin to feel this way, and it builds momentum for you. It is exciting stuff. My T and I start EMDR again next week. Cant say I'm excited, but I know I have to do something to lessen the burden of the past if I am going to survive the present and future. I have a list I sent to him written before he took his long vacation. I am trying to decide if I want to tackle...Read More...

Hi Bobby, It's understandable that you're feeling all that. You allowed yourself to get close to someone and feel attached to them (a very healthy thing to do btw!) despite all your fears. And you got hurt. It's not the same thing that has happened to you in the past. Her leaving her practice isn't about you and I'm sure she's not enjoying what she's putting you through. But it's very understandable that the pain this is causing is bringing back all those messages that it's dangerous to let...Read More...

Well, I've definitely been put on a pedestal... and left there. (They don't like it when you keep jumping off and refuse to stay put.) I've had one that fit just right for a while, but didn't fit anymore once I started to grow. I had to ask that one to keep on rolling without me. I've met many who had too many missing pieces for me to fill, even through I tried by best to fill them all anyway. (Hmm... my husband is definitely one of these.) I thought/wanted to think that my P was the Big O,...Read More...

Oh, and about the medication issue. I know that I too have always had a hard time with memories and memories with feeling. Since I feel like I have so few memories, it's hard to remember how I felt before I went on medication (it feels like I have a whole blank period of memories while I was in the throws of depression) - but I suspect I was much the same as you, MTF. I should try and bring it up with my T, but sometimes (ok, a lot of times) I wonder if I'm overreacting, since I'm not...Read More...

Oh and the other thing is, if I can't bear the silence - sometimes I can and sometimes I can't, I ask a question or just say something, anything(!) to break it. Well she normally realises and lets me off the hook for a while, I have a breather and a rethink, before we go back to where we were... usually then it feels easier. FACT: Ts will always win the 'keep silences longest' game starfishRead More...

My H just called me to say he was going out to buy the shotgun and wouldn't be home when I arrived. OK...I think I'm coming to terms with this just being paranoia. Off topic, I know, but he told me how he came across a family of groundhogs being born and the babies were crawling into our pasture and barns where our livestock are. The were many babies I guess. He beat them to death with a shovel and threw them into the woods. Dont know where the mother is. I know he was just trying to protect...Read More...

Pippi, I'm so happy for you! It's wonderful to read such an amazing and upbeat post from you. It sounds like you made some great progress with your T and he responded to you really well! The beads sound like a great transitional object for you and I'm glad they are working so well. Keep up the good vibes and let us know how your session goes when you get back in to see your T again. You're doing great!! MTFRead More...

Yeah, where are you Monte? We're all missing you!! Come BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! MTFRead More...

Dontgiveuponme Hello and welcome. No I really don't think your therapist or any other decent one would think you are crazy, neither would anybody here. What you describe sounds very familiar to me and I expect to several members here. It sounds very much to me as TN suggested, that you are dissociating, little wonder, as you say I think your body is trying to protect you from being overwhelmed by what you are experiencing. This can result in all sorts of feelings of heaviness and...Read More...

Hello again and thank you so much everyone (again) for being so supportive. I really needed that and so appreciate it, I am so scared that people are going to think oh god Lamplighter always has to complain doesn’t she, there’s always something wrong with her Ts especially after I tempted fate BIG TIME by posting that glowing post about this T and going on about yes you can find the right T if you keep looking and the very next session suddenly it’s all crap again - I really feel paranoid...Read More...

You've all hit on so many points that I completely resonate with. Thinking about it after the fact, I think my T did what was best in the situation for me, but it didn't feel like it. Honestly, I think the only thing that would have helped in that moment was a feeling of full release from any guilt or confusion about everything, which just isn't possible. But, I may just be telling myself that because I don't want to think about what I really wanted or really thought would help, since I...Read More...

(((( Deeplyrooted ))) Nah not going to slap you when you already have a big enough stick to beat yourself with! We started a bonfire on here for big sticks a while back, I’ve gotten rid of mine but for some reason I seem to have an inexhaustible supply of them (they keep appearing in my hand no matter how many I burn lol) These comments remind me of the same thing with me - sticking with ill-fitting people and only in retrospect realizing I should have gotten out a lot sooner - hearing...Read More...

Hi Amazon, forgive me if I am repeating myself, but I once called my T "my paid friend" that did not go over well- AT ALL. I was in a very bad place, It had nothing to do with him, but I made it all about him, my bad. Even when I couldn't yet see the forest through the trees, I apologized sincerely. this was one of those things that I regretted saying. He was hard on me- by saying that I hurt his heart. Sometimes I forget that he was not there for the things that caused my issues, and yet...Read More...

Hi BB, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. The above statement is absolutely a wonerful goal. You sound like me- I have all this stuff I want to talk about, and i get in- then none of it is addressed. What has workked in the past- is my letter writing. I bring it- he reads it, and we talk about the parts as he is reading it. He clarifies- asks questions,or comments on my thinking-writing. lately this process has failed me though, because the letter along with his payment stayed in...Read More...

Oh dear Mayo, on the other hand I feel safe when the table separates me from him while the distance is now shorter. I feel like removing the table would leave me exposed and even closer to him so yeah, that is a scary thing to do. So I'm perfectly fine with the table. It is a small, nice table and let it beRead More...