What a beautiful expression of your heart, AG. You are so talented, to have something so deeply moving just "pop" out. I love all of it, but this especially touched me: Thank you for sharing this. SGRead More...

LL - Thank you for sharing your experiences - I do resonate a lot with what you are saying, too. I guess I have been ok today...I'm half-heartedly trying to stay in touch with how my mother made me feel even though she's acting like everything is perfectly fine now. I've learned over the years that when she goes back to acting fine, she's just waiting for me to apologize, which I'm not going to do. But it makes me angry, and anger has always been an off-limits kind of feeling. I'm struggling...Read More...

Thanks, dragonfly!! lizzygirl, Yuck indeed. I'm so sorry - it's so painful. It warms my heart that he has contacted you, so at the very least you know he's safe and thinking of you. I know that does not come close in comparison to seeing him and talking to him though. I hope you have been able to find something that can ease the pain and help pass the time. Keep posting!! (((((((lizzygirl)))))))Read More...

Lamplighter, My T gives me various homework assignments, but I have to admit I don't usually do them. Recently she gave me an assignment where I am supposed to be comparing my mom with past attachment figures, mainly teachers from junior high and high school (women I was attached to, like I am attached to my T now). She also has had me journal certain things, like successes with certain things we have talked about, or she's given me something to work on with my husband, since I'm working on...Read More...

Wow SG, this is a big deal! I'm "happy" for you, too. Your T sounds wonderful. It's so nice that she knows to just listen and not try to fix things. Crying was a huge stumbling block for me in therapy, too. That "relative safety" issue again. I just couldn't do it. Partially because I knew he couldn't just listen to me without offering advice. The few occasions when I did share something "unfixable", he would kind of appologize and say something like, "I wish I had some wise words to offer...Read More...

You know what? I didn't dare to ask any questions when I met my T first time. The only concern I expressed what that I was actually expecting to see a woman. I didn't know what kind of question could I ask that would be ok. I thought I should not even ask what his name was (thought he was the guy who replied my call about appointment, but that was somebody else). I didn't really know what you are allowed to ask your therapist when you see him/her first time. I think I decided to stay with...Read More...

Amazon- that is awesome that your T is willing to do that for you. I hope that mine will and the wait is just killing me. I hope if he does that it is something more than just a note cause those are so easy to loose or to forget they are in your pocket and let it go through the washing machine and that would devastate me! That is my biggest fear because I know it would go every where with me and what if I leave it in my pocket and then my husband decides to do laundry and it ends up in the...Read More...

Jones, Thanks for explaining your analogy in greater detail. I understand it now! It wasn't clunky, I just didn't get it because a)I'm not a dancer and b)I would be the kind of follower that would correct the leader's step to keep myself from ending up falling over or ending up in that awkward position. But I see how that could be detrimental to the beginner leader, or even a seasoned leader if they were not really 'attuned' to their partner. I am glad you have a greater connection with your...Read More...

Thanks for asking Seablue! Sorry all, I didn't mean to pull a disappearing act. I'm actually feeling much better but the goodbye party for my co-worker was on Friday and my husband had his first day off in three weeks today so posting time and/or the energy to do so has been in short supply. When I wrote the original post in this thread I was really in a place of deep despair which I have not, thankfully stayed in. I think that I am in the midst of wrestling with letting go of so many of my...Read More...

kashley I know what you mean about too many thoughts and not enough hands (even for a starfish) - that's why mapping can be quicker and easier. My T seems to find it useful to look at what I've mapped - especially those I've not thought about too much, just written or drawn as thoughts came into my head. starfishRead More...

Thanks Monte...your perspective helped me to be kinder to myself through all of this...and thanks smiley...wow..so you've been through the same thing!!! I too had isolated myself and to this day I continue to isolate...and my T knows this....I hope my T and I will talk about it for awhile...what kinds of things did you learn from it all(if you don't mind sharing...)...and again...Thank You, MLCRead More...

(((((Smiley)))))Hang in there with us, ok? Keep reading and keep posting. I have been sharing my stuff gradually for about a year - little more maybe, and- there is an awful lot of genuine love and support here. You will be able to connect with some more than others, but no matter what- we all care, and some know exactly what is in your heart- because they know your pain. That is why this works. Stay connected- we love hearing about you and your journey. HelleRead More...

CT - I am so glad your session went so well. You are probably so relieved! Good for you! SmileyRead More...

Hi Janedoe! Thanks for posting this. I was hoping you were going to give us a more detailed update on how things went at your counseling program! What you said about needing to be grounded in Stage 1 skills before moving on to Stage 2 makes a TON of sense. The specifics of my experiences are different than yours, but I very much recognize that basic principle over and over again in what has worked for me. Not only that, but I would also agree that some "Stage 2" stuff can get worked through...Read More...

thanksRead More...

that's just really really nice. now you've got those words forever and you can look at them when you need to. I like having someone safe there when I cry too. I'm glad you have someone. take care - you are really precious and it's lovely to meet you.Read More...

Hi WLOH, Welcome to the boards. I lost a close friend to suicide a few years ago. I know others on here have been hurt by suicide too. It is a very particular and dreadful hurt. I'm so sorry. Glad you came here as part of your journey. Oh and I love what you say about that need to feel watched over. I have that need too, really strongly. To me it is the difference between being able to function in my life or not. I'd love to hear more about how it is for you. JonesRead More...

One day ata time, or one hour ata time, or one minute ata time if need be. Hang in there.Read More...

Echo to what BB said. Such a strong supportive person you are.Read More...

Hey there, WLOH! Welcome. Just wanted to wish you good luck at your session! I hope it doesn't resort to eating crushed glass and cockroaches.Read More...

Hi Em, I am going to agree with and support everyone's comments to you above. You were incredibly courageous to face your T after all that she did to you, and I am glad that she owned all of it and apologized. I can totally understand your feelings. My T 'cried' (teared up would be more accurate, but it was close to crying for her, as she is not emotional at all) once during a session where I read her a letter expressing how much hurt I felt over things she had done/not done and she...Read More...

Hi Dragonfly Bit late I know, only been able to pop in and out here the last week but just wanted to add to the other comments and say thank you too for posting your experiences on dissociation and especially DID. I still dissociate (a bit too much for my liking) but am relatively ignorant about what DID might be like to live with, so thank you for your openess and explanations. And no,I don't think it matters if any alters were to post here - just getting what needs to be said out is the...Read More...

I just wanted to pop in here and say this thread is just hysterical. Thanks for the laughs! I heard The Gambler on my way home the other night and started laughing. I don't think I'll ever be able to hear that song again without thinking about you, Jones. I'm ashamed to say I'm not as familiar with LOTR as all of you. But I really understand getting wisdom where you find it, so no worries, AG - I don't think anyone is going to shun you! Your love of LOTR sounds a lot like my love of the Clan...Read More...

Hi Jones and Helle, Thanks for your comments. Whew...yes, anger is seen as awful and is confounding ....until you recognize its good purpose and tap into it. It gives me phenomenal drive and energy and I know it can fuel awesome creative change. Why shouldn't we be totally pissed off? Why shouldn't we use that inner energy to help ourselves and others as we learn? Most of my anger comes from unmet childhood needs....and I believe there is nothing more powerful than these needs...so the anger...Read More...

Hey, sorry I have not been on here lately...things have been extremely crazy for me. I did see my psychiatrist yesterday and it went okay. I will get on later tonight and update with everything that is going on, but right now I have to go have dinner with a friend...but I am seriously about to loose it!Read More...