Well, I called the first number and left a message with the receptionist...we'll see how long it takes to get a call back. I also put in a call to a place that has lots of therapists in the office and set up an in-take appointment there. They are setting up an appointment for me with someone according to what I need, but we'll see how it goes. The good thing about this situation is that I can probably ask for a referral within the same office if I need to. However, I am not meeting with them...Read More...

Oh, and if any of you are interested in becoming members to this free site here is the link: endthestorm.webs.com Thank you!Read More...

lizzygirl, That's great you can still email him. It will give a sense of connection while he is away, and he may even reply, who knows? I would be as obsessed as you think you are, I would count down days till he comes back, I would be so anxious and would not feel entirely safe probably till he comes back.Read More...

I talked to my T yesterday about my Googling her and she said as clients we have a right to know about who we are thinking of seeing, especially since we're spilling our guts to them. I didn't tell her exactly what I know and she didn't ask me, although I asked her if it would bother her that I knew the names of her grandchildren that were in the photos behind me. I don't think she realized at first that I was telling her I actually KNEW their names, rather I think she thought that I was...Read More...

Well, I am happy to say that it went well! No BB, I didn't rip the sign off the wall , as it actually sits in a plate holder on a console table. It's a 12" x 12" ceramic tile with vinyl lettering and it was given to her by her colleagues when she moved offices from the building across the street (where her office was in the basement) to the hospital (where she has a fancy corner office with windows on two walls). I'd be in BIG TROUBLE if I did anything to that sign. I did ask her what it...Read More...

(((incognito))) How incredibly brave of you to go back and talk to your T!! I'm so glad you were able to do that and are feeling somewhat better. AGRead More...

Echo- I just read your reply- we think alike. (That could be very scary for you- as my mind is often a scary place to be. I only bought my T figs and an apple. We didn't discuss it. He ate them. (AG would make a good T as well. Monte- I wont use your name, and what do you mean by stuff?Read More...

Good - well done. Keep at it smiley starfishRead More...

Monte, oh yes, the code of ethics contract... I suppose he has to oblige to some insurance policy and therefore has not much choice... but I hope with the right reason, right situation he would offer physical comfort. I know that my T was reading I. Yalom who advises to touch patients/clients. He refused to hug me recently, and I felt devasted. However he said it doesn't mean that he will never ever hug me again. I think he has his own agenda, that I don't understand. It's quite painfull at...Read More...

Hey MTF, I'm glad you were able to clear the air a little bit with her, and I'm glad that you're going to stay with her. As tumultuous as all of this has been, so long as you both stay open and committed, I think this will make your bond even stronger, and you'll feel much more secure with her in the long run. Let us know how your next session goes!Read More...

Hi Mic, Sorry to hear that you are suffering. Sometimes therapy is so damn hard, but sticking with it especially through the tough times(as I sit here contemplating taking a break- because it is tough for me too right now). I can also relate to the dependency thing, and the sister thing, and the not wanting to contact your therapist, and the not allowing people to get to know me, but not the anorexic thing. All I can tell you is- overall I am much better at the friend thing and I can feel...Read More...

Thank you for the feedback, Blackbird and Seablue. It means a lot that you would read the post and take time to comment :-) I will try another session with this person and see where it goes. I will definitely keep "moving on from T #1" as a goal and will check out this cool forum now and again.Read More...

Hey MTF, I don't have much to add to these great comments, but I just want to say that I'm reading and supporting you all the way! I just wanted to mention that I can understand what you mean about having confusion when it comes to God. I've found that since I've been emotionally numb for so long, it's so hard for me to commit to a relationship with God when He's not physically here. I have so much trouble with normal men and women that I can't fathom the type of love that God supposedly has...Read More...

I second this! Flylady is fantastic for people who feel overwhelmed by depression or ADD or whatever. When I was at the lowest point in my life, I joined up and just did whatever she emailed me to do, no questions asked. Flylady wants me to get up and wipe down my dining room windowsill, and it will only take 3 minutes? OK! Don't overthink it, because yes, it is "totally twee and naff" (never heard either of those expressions, yet they sound spot on! LOL). Flylady has a Christian lean to it,...Read More...

Thank you all so much for your wonderful responses. I wish I had as much knowledge as all of you. Everything you wrote makes so much sense and helped me really understand why I am feeling so poorly. I have talked to my therapist and explained that I have some important issues that I would like to discuss with her this week. I pray I am strong enough to really tell her how I have been feeling. I have a hard time asking for what I need and find it easier to just let things continue as they are...Read More...

Don't sell yourself short, CT!! I'm sure you're beautiful. We all are!! We have just become our own worst critics and judges. So sad, too. Wow. I've been only just coming to grips with the emotional deprivation I suffered as an infant and young child (well, all my childhood, really) at the hands of an emotionally unavailable mother. It hurts a lot, and I've asked myself those same sorts of questions. I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's her issue, not mine, because as you so clearly...Read More...

I currently have a nurse practitioner that handles my meds, an individual therapist and a couples counselor. Naturally, they each handle different things, but I'm finding that I have some trouble keeping straight what topics I talked about with which therapist. My NP and individual T will communicate sometimes, and they seem to like each other reasonably well, which is good My T and my couples counselor know each other since the beginning of time (or so I was told) but I don't think they...Read More...

CT: Thanks for sharing this stuff with me via the link you posted in my thread. I could have written a lot of the earliest stuff myself. It makes me feel a lot better and gives me some courage that I can do this! Ugh. Scared still, but I'm feeling a bit better now. I'm so glad that you had a good outcome with your T, and I'm so hoping that I get a similar response from my own! MTFRead More...

Hi Lamplighter! I'm a few days late, but I wanted to thank you for taking the time to respond to my call for help. I was able to get in there and talk to her about all of my issues (well, most of them) and things weren't as bad as I'd imagined them to be (surprise, surprise!). Most things got resolved, and I know in time the rest will be, too. She was really understanding about the fact that I feel traumatized by all of this and asked if I wanted to be transferred to a new T. That was hard,...Read More...

I wanted to reply to everyone individually, as I appreciate each of you taking the time out of your lives to respond to my cry for help. Thank you! Amazon: I feel that my trust with her is growing a lot, and thank you for the reminder that she did indeed pass the last test with flying colors. I feel she cares about me and our attachment to each other is important to her as she knows that's where my healing will occur. For now I will stick with her and work on fixing the trust issues. Thanks...Read More...

I usually would just ignore looking at something like that. For whatever reason, I decided to click on the link and see what it was about. I am soooo glad I did. This is amazing and I agree with others who wrote that every time I play it I hear something new, something to think about. Thanks AG, As usual you share the most awesome things. EmogirlRead More...

Hi Jones...thanks for telling me you've experienced something similar, I am surprised but also glad to know I'm not the only one! Just to clarify something I said...the "visual" part, I don't actually "see" anyone...like you said, it's an "internal" presence, and sometimes I take the next step and imagine that it's external, but I know it's my imagination. It is so weird and difficult to put this into words because I've been doing it as long as I can remember (in general, I mean...not just...Read More...

Spagirl it sounds like you’ve turned yourself inside out, bent over backwards and done everything you could have to make the relationship with your mom work out better. It also sounds as if the way you deal with it now does more or less work for you, in that you can detach yourself when she turns on you and come back to her later when you are not so much in pain. It’s not ideal but maybe that’s the best way for you to deal with it all right now. I think that maybe what would help you the...Read More...

BB Well done you for: recognising your need AND being brave enough to ask him for what you need. WOW that's very brave and real progress - and great to feel that it was ok with him and maybe sneakily what he might have been hoping for too!! [QUOTE] [/Interesting his response...almost like he was waiting for that all along.QUOTE] Do you really think he doesn't like you? Or do you just worry in case he doesn't? Body language is difficult to decipher and he should be expert at NOT showing any...Read More...

Echo you make perfect sense. It's so hard to walk back in after a long break and feel like you still know him. It's almost like we are strangers again and I have to try to re-establish the trust again in my mind. To try to remember who he is and how he is. Then again, when I'm gone for awhile I play the math game too and I can really feel like if I'm not seeing him he will forget who I am because I'm not important to him. If I'm not there for sessions to remind him that I exist... then I...Read More...