Thanks so much for the replies everyone... for the space and permission to grieve. It's nice to hear that you all don't see me as self absorbed... maybe I'll bring that up with my t. I'm seeing her a second time this week... I told her that I'm sad, this is a very long week and I feel better when I'm with her so I'd like to see her again! How's that for honest? And she said okay! TN- I was pretty close to my own grandmother... she openly favored my brother, but she did actually love me...Read More...

Who knows, maybe you'll start hating him once he starts to analyze all of the things you spill to him. Probably not, however. But on a more serious note, even though you do idealize him, you are still pursuing more sessions out of an identified need, which is all that matters. And it makes sense what you mean about reinforcing his "divinity." Because if you read and hear about others' experiences with their therapists, you can compare it to yours and ultimately decide that whatever your...Read More...

Hey Amazon, I'm so glad I've found this forum, because it has sort of been a way for me to answer (or at least placate myself for a while) the questions I have about therapy, relationships, life... I over-think things a TON, and without individual therapy, I have all of these things floating around in my head, and the pressure gets relieved a little bit by reading through everyone else's posts. I can't really see how such a large group would have been therapeutic except to the exceptionally...Read More...

LL thankyou (((hug))). I write such short replies compared to others, I never feel they are useful. I write heaps in journals though, but guess nobody sees those so can be braver and never tell my T about anthing I have written unless am prepared to show her cos she will always ask to see it and for me to do the reading of it too Thank you all, it helps me to post here to feel a bit braver to share. Am sorry if I can't quite open up completely sometimes though. starfishRead More...

Can I just add my T has suggested (several times now) a crisis line call. I nearly died . It took ages (I'm talking years) to even speak out to her - now am I really going to pour my heart out to a stranger who I can't even see? It's really not for me, think I would end up dicossiated for hours on the end of the phone - very expensive call then!! Now if it was AG hen that's different Maybe AG you could set up a line just for us? starfishRead More...

Hi Everyone I feel so incredibly selfish. I only post here ocassionally and I seem to have no time to read all the courageous posts by other Myshrink members. I just wanted to say 'hi' and that I am thinking of everyone as we continue our journey with therapy. One last thing, just a quick update on where I'm at.... I am still struggling with my Dad. I can't believe I have idolised a man who is so human. I am aching on the inside. I feel so much - but it's feeling in isolation. I can't...Read More...

Hi Janedoe Great to hear from you and have an update. It sounds like you are doing amazing work in an equally amazing and supportive environment. Great too to feel you can do or say anything and know you will be carried and helped thrugh that and come out the other side, however tough. That there is someone there to talk to when you need it, not the dreadful 'I'm stuck on my own with this and nowhere to turn to' that we all know so well. Good on you. Keep at it and I would reiterate what...Read More...

Hm, that's interesting. Now that I read your posts dragonfly and MTF, it made me put together some thoughts about a few women that I know/known in the past. I felt there was something very special about them. I think I kind of track these feelings back to my aunt, not my mother. They were not like my mother at all. My aunt was babysittig me when I was small, I don't know if it was on one occasion or more, but I always had this special feeling about her. Like she was somebody special to me...Read More...

My P just brought up self soothing this week, so I did a search on here and found this thread. I'm confused about what exactly is involved in self soothing. My session this week was a non-talking one on my part so I didn't ask him what he meant. He said that people with traumatic childhoods often never learned to self soothe, so when situations arise that cause stress/discomfort, they become more distressed because they can't calm themselves down. So what I'm wondering: Is self soothing...Read More...

Dragonfly, I'm sorry. (Couldn't resist!) OK OK I'll behave! BTW I didn't see you raging at us at all, I saw your anger being directed against what happened to you and I think that 's a good thing. And I agree that's it really good that people be able to express their thoughts and feelings for whatever they are. I share your dislike of the the secrets and lies and denials. I remember once my T didn't answer an email of mine for three days in which I had asked for reassurance so I had gone...Read More...

Hi FOT!!! It's wonderful to hear from you! And thank you for what you said, it really does help to hear from you just how painful it is when they don't hold those boundaries. I am SO happy to hear you're seeing a new P, how incredibly strong and brave of you to continue to pursue your healing. I can't imagine how scary it would feel so I am so very impressed with you're doing it. And I hope he turns out to be every bit as good as my T (I'd say better but I know that would sound unbelievable...Read More...

I think, for me, I also find that reading all of this doesn't necessarily comfort me, but it tides me over for a while so that I can try and stay patient while I try to understand things better. I completely identify with this. I'm really only starting to see the "different" in these past few months. A couple weeks ago, I visited my father, and he went into a totally random rage about something and told me to shut up, and not even 2 minutes later, he was joking, and I was laughing with him.Read More...

Lizzygirl... I think safe touch in therapy can be very effective as another way of communicating. A sort of non-verbal emphasis to what your T wants to say to you. I think what he did was very powerful because you heard his message about cutting both verbally in your logical left brain and also you "felt it" through his touch and that message got delivered through your senses to your right emotional brain. I'm so glad you took the step to share this with him via email. It's important that he...Read More...

Hi IHTS Yes, I believe they do screen folks for this course but they may be able to suggest alternatives if this particular course doesn't suit you. And I agree, it also looks er...a rather robust approach. My T suggested it to me as a possible addition/kickstart to dealing with some anger issues of mine. However, I'm not so sure though that I'd be any good, trapped in a group environment, for 8 whole days. I'm a born skeptic still coming to terms with my prejudices about the idea of being...Read More...

Hi Lamplighter... I'm so glad to hear that reading the posts here has helped you in your therapy and in understanding the process. I don't think Ts really tell you this stuff but it's vital to healing. I like to remind people that the relationship IS the therapy... especially in patients who have had attachment injuries and trauma histories. Where we have suffered and been hurt is through interpersonal relationships. Usually with our parents/caregivers and so the only way to heal is to...Read More...

Jones hello again Wow your parents are going through the process of sorting themselves out! That is pretty amazing, and it’s great that they are changing for the better - it’s also great that you can say you love them and are proud of them, that says to me that you are able to feel good towards them despite the hurt and damage they did to you. That’s a pretty big deal. For me I’m a bit the opposite - totally unable to access any positive feelings about any of my family, because I’m stuck in...Read More...

Hi SB: Sorry I never did respond to your reply. That whole experience with my T was a major trip and for four days afterward I was still "processing" the whole thing. Weird. I just kept having my T's face popping into my head with her eyes full of tears and the feelings that brought up for me during the whole experience would resurface and flood over me and I had a really hard weekend. My T ended up calling me Tuesday to see how I was doing, and that helped to stop all of that from happening...Read More...

Dragonfly Heard all the excuses before but never blamed it on gills in the rectum !!! Not possible to beat apart from that I eat by putting 1 of my 2 stomachs outsidee of my body . . . .not something I should be proud of!! So won't tell my T about the lack of a centralised - brain but she probably knows I have a prickly armour for protection . . .it's served me quite well (but sometimes I do wish I could shed it!) starfishRead More...

Thank you so much for the encouraging words, Dragonfly. It means so much. My situation isn't that of a trauma or anything, but it's more like I'm trying to get rid of all of the walls that I've built up for so long due to my parents. In a way, I'm finding that much of my time with my parents may have involved significant emotional neglect, but it's the neglect itself that has kept me from recognizing it for what it is! Go figure. Anyway, I write all of that to say that I can recognize what...Read More...

Hey there Blackbird I too wish there were some kind of litmus test of a T’s caring, a kind of formal checklist of things they have to complete in order to be deemed trustworthy. Having said that I’m the kind of client who if I had Mother Teresa sitting opposite me I’d still be checking her out for trustworthiness. Knowing that about me, I tend to make myself give the T the benefit of the doubt (at least for a while!) and just assume he is caring and trustworthy, until proven otherwise.Read More...

Going to chime in here too, I noticed the other day that one of Monte’s posts had gone but didn’t realize she’d deleted others as well. Am writing this too because there’s a chance Monte might still read the forum, so if you are, please don’t disappear, at least let us know that you are ok?Read More...

Hi Smiley! Love the name!! <-- that's how I picture you!! lol! Sorry to hear that you are in the same poor-eye contact boat... but I'm glad you are finding this thread helpful! I gave my t my letter about eye contact today... about how I'm scared of it and I avoid it and how I'm afraid she's going to be affected by it, etc, etc,etc. She said that she doesn't want me to try and make myself look at her... that it's not something she wants me to force myself to do. She said she will always...Read More...

{{{{{echo}}}}} I'm so sorry, echo. This only happened to me once, and it was a very different scenario, not a "quiet" session...but still, it hurt my feelings when he said it, and I left the session feeling very sad and disappointed. IMO, this is one of the things T's should never say. Unless, maybe, if the fire alarm is going off. And even then, they should offer to continue the session at a safe distance from the flames, at a discreet distance from the crowd. In other words, it is probably...Read More...

Thanks CH, My T and I have never talked about contact between sessions so i just thought she didnt allow it lol She did say although i didnt phone her it was important that i told her that i wanted to, so glad i did HevRead More...